Went to see Jim Jefferies last night. About half an hour in to his set, 4 people roll in late, and of course they're sitting beside us. One older Lebanese looking dude wearing a pink blazer, with long greasy hair. Other dude is a younger looking Asian of some sort, wearing a white blazer and a bow tie. Two chicks are mid 30's sluts trying desperately to hold on to their 20's. My guess would be that the older dude owns a bar/restaurant or two, the Asian is one of his managers/cooks/DJ's or some shit, and the two chicks are servers that they're fucking. They just had that bar/restaurant industry look and attitude.
Me and the three guys I'm with stand up to let them by. They stop before their seats, standing in front of us, and start talking among themselves about what seat numbers they have and where to sit. You can hear people murmuring behind us, not amused that their view is being blocked right in the middle of a bit. I say "get in your seats, assholes". That gets them in their seats, but the older dude who ends up sitting beside me is muttering about me being the asshole and who the fuck do I think I am etc. I just ignore it and try to go back to watching the show.
The four of them proceed to chit chat among themselves for the entire fucking set. The whole time. People in front and behind them also tell them to shut the fuck up, but they just keep on talking. I can hear them periodically talking shit about me, and I just try my best to ignore it and enjoy the show. They're also pulling out their phones to text and shit, which is also pretty fucking annoying, as the old guy has a fucking Note on full brightness. One of the guys I was there with a couple seats over leans over and tells him to put his fucking phone away. Later the chicks were fucking around with their phones, and again people behind them told them to put them the fuck away.
Within 20 minutes of getting to their seats, the two cunts get up to go to the washroom, so we all have to stand up again to let them by. 5 minutes after they come back, the Asian dude gets up to go to the washroom, and again we have to get up to let them by. When he comes back, he basically stops directly in front of me, and stares me down for 5-10 seconds. At that point I'm like "are you seriously staring me down, you fucking asshole? Everyone around here is sick of you and your friend's shit, you self centered cunt. Get the fuck back in your seat." At that point someone who's sitting a bit further away and probably wasn't aware of all the shit going on tells us all to shut the fuck up, which is fair. Dude goes back to his seat, but for the rest of the show I can see him out of the corner of my eye staring me down.
Jefferies makes it very clear his set is coming to an end because there's another show immediately after (he went for a good two hours). So naturally the older guy decides that's a great time to also get up and go to the bathroom. As I start to stand up, he sarcastically says excuse me and more or less intentionally elbows me as he goes past, although not hard or anything. Again, I'm just trying to find my happy place and resisting the urge to smash his fucking hipster glasses in to his face.
The show ended without further incident, as the old dude just waited in the lobby for his friends instead of coming back to his seat. He also gave me a stare down as I walked by. I just smiled at him.
So after the show we went to a bar a few blocks away. Half a dozen people recognized me as they were sitting behind us, and came up to me to shake my hand and thank me for telling them off. One dude laughed and said that if anything shit had started, he was ready to come over the top with a flying elbow. Made me feel better, as I thought maybe I was the asshole in the situation, given that I'd maybe been a bit aggressive initially when I told them to hurry the fuck up and sit down.
Jimmies were incredibly rustled. Like, the most they've been rustled in years. Wish I'd looked over the old dude's shoulder a bit more at his phone so I could figure out who he was and burn his fucking house and/or restaurant down.