You know you're getting old when.....

Aldarion · Thursday at 8:46 AM

I've met people IRL who admit they can't parallel park.

If I was emperor, I'd authorize cops to pull people over for impromptu parallel parking tests. Fail, lose your license and your car is now the property of the state. Enjoy walking home.

Come on man. If you can't parallel park you can't drive.

Furry · Thursday at 8:52 AM

Hoss said:
Anyway, that was my only deduction and I haven't parallel parked since. The only way I will get into a parallel parking spot is if there are 2 in a row free and I can just pull into it.

In Paris the spots are tight its pretty common for people to "accidentally" hit cars while parking. I was told the term when I first went to france in 2001, the "paris bump".

Hoss · Thursday at 9:08 AM

Aldarion said:
I've met people IRL who admit they can't parallel park.

I never said I couldn't. Technically I've only ever hit the curb once and have been otherwise perfect.

Aldarion · Thursday at 9:12 AM

Hoss said:
I never said I couldn't. Technically I've only ever hit the curb once and have been otherwise perfect.

Yeah I actually added that line to clarify that I was bitching at people who can't parallel park and not necessarily the people who have been talking about it in this thread.

Theyre out there, in horrifying numbers.

Hoss · Thursday at 10:05 AM

Also, I would shoot your special parallel parking gestapo on sight. I assume the badge would be 2 straight lines and they would parallel park behind you when they pulled you over, so they would be easily recognizable.

A true emperor would outlaw parallel parking. Streets are for fucking driving, not parking.

Goatface · Thursday at 11:51 AM

don't think i have parallel parked in 20+ years. only one place i go to still has parallel spots. they are too small for my truck, but there are several end spots.

Void · Thursday at 12:11 PM

I've been helping my sister move slowly for months while she's going through her divorce, fixing up the old house, fixing up the new house, moving shit (up and down stairs at both places

), moving way too much heavy shit mostly by myself, etc. I'm not in the best shape of my life anymore (I'll be 57 in April) and that shit takes a toll for that evening and a couple of days after.

This last weekend, she asks me if I want to "pregame" before we start moving a bunch of heavy shit again. I'm like, why the fuck would I want to drink? She says not that kind of pregame, old people pregame, and handed me two advils.

I took them.

RobXIII · Thursday at 5:49 PM

Hoss said:
A Streets are for fucking driving, not parking.

Then why do you drive on a parkway, yet park on a driveway? CHECKMATE LIBTARD!!11!!1!eleven

Hoss · Thursday at 5:55 PM

RobXIII said:
Then why do you drive on a parkway, yet park on a driveway? CHECKMATE LIBTARD!!11!!1!eleven

Because we borrowed too many words from the french.

Kajiimagi · Thursday at 6:30 PM

Furry said:
In Paris the spots are tight its pretty common for people to "accidentally" hit cars while parking. I was told the term when I first went to france in 2001, the "paris bump".

I don't give 2 fucks how things are done in France, fuck them surrendermuppets.

Gutterflesh · Friday at 2:22 PM

Late last night I toasted up an english muffin with a little butter on it. I put the butter back in the fridge then stood in the dark kitchen eating my muffin while I stared out the window.

When I woke up this morning my wife asked "Why is the butter in the microwave?"

Hoss · Friday at 2:55 PM

Gutterflesh said:
Late last night I toasted up an english muffin with a little butter on it. I put the butter back in the fridge then stood in the dark kitchen eating my muffin while I stared out the window.

When I woke up this morning my wife asked "Why is the butter in the microwave?"

Tell her that's where it belongs. Butter doesn't go in the fridge.

Unless you're eating pasteurized processed american butter food substitute.

Mandriana · Saturday at 4:30 PM

Took my driver's road test (parallel parking was required) using my mom's summer tires equipped, 1986 Z28 Camaro, in the middle of November in Alberta. Was fun.

Borzak · 2026-01-18T13:47:59-0500

Hoss said:
I don't think I've ever heard of a clutched automatic unless that's what paddle shifters are.

During Driver's Ed I was perfect at parallel parking. Day of the driving test, the trooper asked me how my parallel parking was and I said excellent. So he went, great, it's free now, lets get it out of the way before the road test. I hit the curb. The only time I'd ever fucked it up. As I pulled out, he said, ok before pulling out onto the road I want you to put it in park. I was confused but I did it. Then he asked if I was OK. Apparently I was taking a lot of deep breaths and he was concerned. He let me know it wasn't a huge deduction. Since I didn't hit the cones I didn't fail. It's going to be allright.

Anyway, that was my only deduction and I haven't parallel parked since. The only way I will get into a parallel parking spot is if there are 2 in a row free and I can just pull into it.

No it's just like it sounds. You rarely see them in drag vehicles. Instead of a torque convertor that allows you to stop and it idle while in drive you have a cluth. You need to step on the clutch when you stop or the engine dies. But once you start moving you don't need to clutch when the auto shifts to the next gear. It came with my first car that was cheap and a part time drag car. Someone literally cuts the housing off of a regular auto trans and installs a clutch where the torque convertor was.

Borzak · 2026-01-18T13:49:42-0500

Gutterflesh said:
Late last night I toasted up an english muffin with a little butter on it. I put the butter back in the fridge then stood in the dark kitchen eating my muffin while I stared out the window.

When I woke up this morning my wife asked "Why is the butter in the microwave?"

To make it softer duh, then walk off like she is dumb for asking.

Kajiimagi · 2026-01-18T18:18:03-0500

Wife washed the floor mats in the master bath. The 4' long one was so saturated with water it would not spin. I go try to wring it out (to no avail). FF to around 2am I wake up to what feels like someone putting me in a full nelson with a knee in my upper back and spasms out the ass. Had my wife but stinky ass muscle rub on my back and I hit the muscle relaxers. Didn't get to sleep and stay asleep until 5am.

ToeMissile · 2026-01-18T23:24:04-0500

Kajiimagi said:
Wife washed the floor mats in the master bath. The 4' long one was so saturated with water it would not spin. I go try to wring it out (to no avail). FF to around 2am I wake up to what feels like someone putting me in a full nelson with a knee in my upper back and spasms out the ass. Had my wife but stinky ass muscle rub on my back and I hit the muscle relaxers. Didn't get to sleep and stay asleep until 5am.

I’ll just make sure to have something in there to counter balance, another mat or a few old towels.

Chanur · 2026-01-18T23:40:05-0500

Sylas said:
Over the holidays with the Nephews (14, 16), eating coco pebbles cereal. Later on some channel was playing old hannah barberra cartoons, jetsons and Flintstones.

Nephews: oh cool when did Cereal mascots get their own TV show?

I hope you smacked them.

Kajiimagi · 2026-01-19T00:38:38-0500

ToeMissile said:
I’ll just make sure to have something in there to counter balance, another mat or a few old towels.

Ok if that's what you think I explained it poorly. It wasn't a balance issue, the larger mat was so heavily saturated it would not spin. I have a super capacity washer. I was trying to get some of the water weight off it so it would spin. All good.

Tsar Bomba · 2026-01-19T00:56:29-0500

Void said:
I've been helping my sister move slowly for months while she's going through her divorce, fixing up the old house, fixing up the new house, moving shit (up and down stairs at both places ), moving way too much heavy shit mostly by myself, etc. I'm not in the best shape of my life anymore (I'll be 57 in April) and that shit takes a toll for that evening and a couple of days after.

This last weekend, she asks me if I want to "pregame" before we start moving a bunch of heavy shit again. I'm like, why the fuck would I want to drink? She says not that kind of pregame, old people pregame, and handed me two advils.

I took them.

No lie...

Sister came into town yesterday and it was cold AF outside. Been chilling all day in the warmth so when she got here I helped carry in her luggage. Grabbed the heaviest stuff I. A bury and got back inside as quick as I can. About 9pm it felt like someone had stabbed me right in the center of the back and it kept me up part of the night. In the morning Sister pulls out the Advil anyways take 2 now and 2 4 hours later. Made all the difference.

Search

You know you're getting old when.....

Aldarion

Egg Nazi

Furry

Email Loading Please Wait

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again

Aldarion

Egg Nazi

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again

Goatface

Naxxramas 1.0 Raider

Void

BAU BAU

RobXIII

Urinal Cake Consumption King

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again

Kajiimagi

Gutterflesh

Parody Account

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again

Mandriana

Naxxramas 1.0 Raider

Borzak

Borzak

Kajiimagi

ToeMissile

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer

Chanur

Shit Posting Professional

Kajiimagi

Tsar Bomba

Trakanon Raider