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I almost had a wet dream a couple weeks ago. A girl at a party tricked me into showing her my dick and tried to suck it. I shoved her to the ground and yelled IM MARRIED! then I woke up and was afraid to move because I was so close to popping. Like, WTF, I can't even get some strange in a...

So .... about those pictures. This thread is in screenshots, after all. There's a reason it's here. We need to see her before we can properly advise or commiserate.

The Bees scene from wickerman and the pancakes scene from cabin fever.

lol i hope a grizzly eats him. When is grizz season? We need to keep a watch on this guy.

Have you seen a doctor yet about your potentially fatal salt levels? I just got my results back from my annual physical. Salt levels were well below normal. It must be you.

Then use numbers instead of words.

I need to hear from deadspin before I predict the cowboys will go undefeated this year.

What is your vagina percentage?

whenever brady finally gets washed up, I sincerely hope he tries to hang on for 2 or 4 more years. Unfortunately, I'm almost positive he's too smart to do that.

No. That's not what it means. And it was a beautiful turn of phrase, you heathen.

You must have been on a conference call with my old boss. I cannot believe there are 2 people like that in the country. He gave us gems like; You can lead a horse to water but you can't shoot him This process is critical, it can't afford more than 99% downtime. I'm tired of pulling rabbits...

Reminds me of an old joke about a convenience store in vegas that was open 8-5. Guy went at noon and it was closed. Kept trying it for 3 days in a row between 8 and 5 before he finally caught it open. Asked the owner what was up with the hours, and the guy told him "hey this is vegas. Those...

When I finally went back to watch it on netflix, the movie was separate (or were there 2?) and then the seasons started. It kind of confused me because I never realized they had done a movie.

I'm pretty sure it's because she's attractive and now a bunch of fans are afraid they will lust after a tranny, therefore making them gay.

Corollary to that rule, pick up your 100+ pound dog and toss it in the air just to see the fear and surprise on it's face. And lets be honest, No matter how big the dog will get, you only have to throw it around as a puppy and it will always think you're capable of it.

This time they would be on the American side though, wouldn't they? Come to think of it, I guess it's pretty much a coin flip at this point.

What's it called when you cum in a girl's eye. I totally wanna do that to lanx's latest avatar.

It's domestic violence. Your shower thoughts are developmentally challenged. BTW, I have tons of shower thoughts but I always forget them while I'm drying off. Someday I need to get a waterproof pad in there.

It's because touch screen phones don't like jerry curl activator.

Before my grandmother died, she used to think indians were attacking the nursing home. Stupid doctors just gave her pills. Now we know the right answer was that we shoulda circled the wagons and started shooting.

I thought half of manhattan was subletted. It's not? Fucking TV better not have been lying about this too.

I'll PM you if I need a script for some leeches. lol euro doctors.

No I haven't cause I got the diabeetus in my eyes and I can't read. Speaking of which, shouldn't we all be typing in larger letters?

Absolutely. No problem. Just, you know .. 1 more blow out party with strippers and coke to celebrate this decision and then that's it. 100% clean.

Is that all you have to contribute to this thread? "You better get the most basic common blood tests done cuz u got Diabetes"

I mean, you might be right. But when you know 0 FTM transitions, it's not a surprise that you don't know the most well known one either. Till I googled buck a few days ago I didn't know any either. Is it gay if I fuck buck because I think she was attractive in her original configuration?

Yup. I can't remember if I first heard about the sheet from an expose on mormons or from that skit. UCB kicked ass.

It's a rumor that in the upper echelons of the mormon faith anything you do through a hole in a holy sheet (as in blessed, not full of holes) doesn't count as a sin. This includes but is not limited to sex. Most of us just focus on the sex thing. Though it is funny to imagine a mormon smoking...

Not if sleevedraw is a mormon and he does it through a hole in a sheet.

Your videos kinda remind me of VI warshawski. So not bad, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder if kathleen turner was a real woman after the first time she spoke in that movie.

FYI, it's a dowel rod. It just sounds like 'dal' when you say it fast.

I'm sure your wife did it to you. Women have ways of making that shit happen.

FYI, you go to the drug store where the minimum wage high schooler is working, and there's a chance they don't know how to take the picture either. I've had one rejected that I got at CVS. But if you do that, maybe you can get a look at their guidelines for photos and figure out how to do them...

That plunja thing is so stupid. How well does it stay together? Did you switch swords? The sword in the plunger isn't the same one you showed us above.

First doctor that gave me the finger had fingers that looked like sausages. I have big hands, but his index finger (which is what I assumed he used) was about the size of 2 of my fingers. The worst part is, I was in my 20's and I don't know why he felt I needed a prostate exam. I mentioned it...

I was out of town for a week. Got back thursday and fucked my wife. She had an appt with the pussy doctor on friday and he made a comment about abraisions and asked if she'd had intercourse recently. So while I'm sorry she was mortified, my pickle is tickled that I have a medical diagnosis...

Great show. It's in the top tier of the MCU and better than antman 1.

You never been around a house cat? A meow is a cat's roar. Their noises aren't as deep but they make the same basic sounds.

They all look alike