Depression

Izo said:

How's it hanging, Koushirou ?

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Still here, unfortunately. Still up ‘til 6am hanging out with a guy that has no feelings for me. I don’t get it, but whatever; it is what it is, I guess. Just trying to turn all those feelings off, now. Feeling far too numb and lazy to work through my list of shit to do, like get health insurance and unemployment, etc. Still walking and going to the gym, though. Trying to think if I want to go into some other profession than coding, but feels kind of late for that. Dunno what I’m doing overall, I suppose. Just kind of here.

Izo said:

Like a record, baby. Koushirou memba that ol' site where if you watched the weener spin it said you're gay after 500 spins? Me neither.

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I do actually remember clicking my first meatspin back on old FoH. Man, the FSR, etc. introduced me to the true wonders of the internet back in the day.

Hateyou said:

Friend zoned by who, your ex husband? Good if so. You need to move on from that mentally if you’re going to have any chance of moving forward, that dudes a loser dragging you down.

Use Meetup and go do some board game nights with locals, make some new friends.

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Lol, no. Amazing dude that I like online I've posted in here about. Doesn't matter now, though!

Koushirou What happened with your job? I saw you say that you were jobless, did I miss a post where you explained what happened/why?

Oblio said:

Koushirou What happened with your job? I saw you say that you were jobless, did I miss a post where you explained what happened/why?

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Not much to explain, just got laid off back in May.

Sorry to hear.

Negative thoughts is being sad.

Depression is absence of feelings.

Cutlery said:

Negative thoughts is being sad.

Depression is absence of feelings.

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Probably different for everyone, depression for me is an endless loop of all my fuck ups playing in my head. Feelings are certainly not absent when that movie is playing.

Lambourne said:

I'd keep that guy on the back burner. It kind of sounds like he's still interested, just not interested in pursuing a relationship while you are still married and/or living with the ex. I think that speaks to his credit.

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He very specifically said he felt nothing beyond friendship, so going to just not get my hopes up, there.

Koushirou said:

Still here, unfortunately. Still up ‘til 6am hanging out with a guy that has no feelings for me. I don’t get it, but whatever; it is what it is, I guess. Just trying to turn all those feelings off, now. Feeling far too numb and lazy to work through my list of shit to do, like get health insurance and unemployment, etc. Still walking and going to the gym, though. Trying to think if I want to go into some other profession than coding, but feels kind of late for that. Dunno what I’m doing overall, I suppose. Just kind of here.

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First, I'll step in and agree with the others here, you need to get that ex out of your house/life. I know it will suck to lose a cat in the process, but honestly no good man is going to want to step into things with you with your ex still sleeping under the same roof. I know I wouldn't. Also, having a perpetual reminder of something that went badly literally living under your roof can't be doing anything positive for you finding good things, IMHO.

As for the profession, it's not too late to look at the idea. Take what you do well in terms of coding, find a way to use that at another gig. Biggest problem is it usually means taking a hit on earnings potential while you gear up the new thing. I'm in my mid 50's and considering a partial or maybe even complete change of career. And I know others who have done it. In her career my wife went from pharmacy tech, to IT pro, to HIPAA compliance officer...

Third, I'll back up Cad , you're one of the people around here I consistently like seeing things posted by and responses from. We may just be a bunch of randos on the internet, but we're OUR bunch of randos on the internet. I do also think it's a testament to how this group as a whole has aged/matured in that you haven't already had a pack of would-be interweb lotharios camping out in your DMs (at least that we know of) outside Boob hound Izo of course...

And there are parts of what you're saying I can relate to. Right now I'm dealing with some serious medical issues, causing a chain of questioning down to a "have I wasted my life" level. My job's at a point where I can't find a reason to give half a shit most days when I used to absolutely love what I do. But as mentioned, I find a good thing is to focus on at least one good thing every day, even if small. Often I find that if I just solve one little problem, no matter how small or seemingly irrelevant that will be enough for me for a day. Or maybe I go out back and melt a little metal and make some more useless silly metal coins or belt buckles. Maybe I just got sit in my back yard and let my dogs fawn over me for head and butt scratches for 20 minutes. Some days I'll just go sit in my car, feel the seat around me, and enjoy that I enjoy my car. Something about a journey , 1000 miles, single step, all that jazz..