Depression
- Thread starter Tarrant
- Start date
Koushirou
Log Wizard
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Still here, unfortunately. Still up ‘til 6am hanging out with a guy that has no feelings for me. I don’t get it, but whatever; it is what it is, I guess. Just trying to turn all those feelings off, now. Feeling far too numb and lazy to work through my list of shit to do, like get health insurance and unemployment, etc. Still walking and going to the gym, though. Trying to think if I want to go into some other profession than coding, but feels kind of late for that. Dunno what I’m doing overall, I suppose. Just kind of here.How's it hanging,Koushirou ?
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
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Hateyou
Not Great, Not Terrible
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Friend zoned by who, your ex husband? Good if so. You need to move on from that mentally if you’re going to have any chance of moving forward, that dudes a loser dragging you down.
Use Meetup and go do some board game nights with locals, make some new friends.
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
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Lol, no. Amazing dude that I like online I've posted in here about. Doesn't matter now, though!
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Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Get him drunk and get knocked up!
/TraditionalProblemsTraditionalSolutions
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tugofpeace
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Is there any truth to the idea that depression is just negative thoughts due to boredom?
If you're constantly doing things, how can you even think about being depressed, because your mind would be completely in the present?
If you're constantly doing things, how can you even think about being depressed, because your mind would be completely in the present?
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Oblio
Utah
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Probably different for everyone, depression for me is an endless loop of all my fuck ups playing in my head. Feelings are certainly not absent when that movie is playing.
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Lambourne
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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I'd keep that guy on the back burner. It kind of sounds like he's still interested, just not interested in pursuing a relationship while you are still married and/or living with the ex. I think that speaks to his credit.
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
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He very specifically said he felt nothing beyond friendship, so going to just not get my hopes up, there.
Haus
I am Big Balls!
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First, I'll step in and agree with the others here, you need to get that ex out of your house/life. I know it will suck to lose a cat in the process, but honestly no good man is going to want to step into things with you with your ex still sleeping under the same roof. I know I wouldn't. Also, having a perpetual reminder of something that went badly literally living under your roof can't be doing anything positive for you finding good things, IMHO.
As for the profession, it's not too late to look at the idea. Take what you do well in terms of coding, find a way to use that at another gig. Biggest problem is it usually means taking a hit on earnings potential while you gear up the new thing. I'm in my mid 50's and considering a partial or maybe even complete change of career. And I know others who have done it. In her career my wife went from pharmacy tech, to IT pro, to HIPAA compliance officer...
Third, I'll back up
Cad
, you're one of the people around here I consistently like seeing things posted by and responses from. We may just be a bunch of randos on the internet, but we're OUR bunch of randos on the internet. I do also think it's a testament to how this group as a whole has aged/matured in that you haven't already had a pack of would-be interweb lotharios camping out in your DMs (at least that we know of) outside Boob hound
Izo
of course...And there are parts of what you're saying I can relate to. Right now I'm dealing with some serious medical issues, causing a chain of questioning down to a "have I wasted my life" level. My job's at a point where I can't find a reason to give half a shit most days when I used to absolutely love what I do. But as mentioned, I find a good thing is to focus on at least one good thing every day, even if small. Often I find that if I just solve one little problem, no matter how small or seemingly irrelevant that will be enough for me for a day. Or maybe I go out back and melt a little metal and make some more useless silly metal coins or belt buckles. Maybe I just got sit in my back yard and let my dogs fawn over me for head and butt scratches for 20 minutes. Some days I'll just go sit in my car, feel the seat around me, and enjoy that I enjoy my car. Something about a journey , 1000 miles, single step, all that jazz..
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
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Been doing a bit better lately, for the most part. Trying to just focus on the day to day shit and not think about anything else. Got some items knocked off the list as far as shit I needed to get done, like filing for unemployment, Medicaid, etc. Still a bunch more shit to do, but the list isn’t as long, now.
Parents came up the other week. Got to spend a bunch of time with them eating bad food and ice cream, going to the movies and a baseball game with them and my brother’s family. Felt much needed and was nice to get to spend that time with them. Parents want me to go move in with them for a while until I get back on my feet again. I can see the positives: rent out my house and just keep it as an investment while I get a new job and find somewhere else to live, be able to spend time with them often, save some money, etc. There’s a lot of cons, too; I need my privacy, there’s almost no space in their house for me or any of my stuff and the cats would be miserable there and I think they’d get annoyed with them pretty quickly. I’d also just started getting into the mindset of all the things I’ll get to do with my space once the husband moves out eventually and I don’t want to lose that already. Talked to my brother about it, too, and he just said “hell, no.” It’s an option if I need it, but probably going to try and pass on it if I can get away with it.
Overall, I’ve been in a pretty decent mood just spending time with friends and staying occupied. I do still get really down, though, anytime something gets me thinking about the future, or thinking about relationships, or just thinking about how long it will be until I get a hug from someone not in my family, if ever. I’m still not optimistic I’ll ever find someone decent that actually wants me back, but I just try my best not to think about it.
This weekend, the husband’s family came and took him on a trip for his birthday, so I was by myself for a nice 4 days. I haven’t had a home to myself like this in 20 years; no family, no roommates, etc. It was so nice. I was a little worried I’d start getting lonely or something, but I really enjoyed it. Got to blast music out of my speakers for once, watch whatever I wanted on the TV since no one else was using it, etc. Maybe I’d start feeling bad over a longer period, but maybe not. I really just need to get those divorce papers in already, lol.
Think tomorrow also ends the month of fuck-off time I gave myself before I go hard in the job search again. I did a little bit of searching and put out one app already while being lazy, but really need to clean up the resume still and get all my benefits out of that career transition service we were given when we got laid off. Still got about 3 months worth of funds without dipping into savings, so I hope I should be able to find something decent by then.
This turned into a wall of text, as usual, sorry. TL;DR: kind of doing better.
Parents came up the other week. Got to spend a bunch of time with them eating bad food and ice cream, going to the movies and a baseball game with them and my brother’s family. Felt much needed and was nice to get to spend that time with them. Parents want me to go move in with them for a while until I get back on my feet again. I can see the positives: rent out my house and just keep it as an investment while I get a new job and find somewhere else to live, be able to spend time with them often, save some money, etc. There’s a lot of cons, too; I need my privacy, there’s almost no space in their house for me or any of my stuff and the cats would be miserable there and I think they’d get annoyed with them pretty quickly. I’d also just started getting into the mindset of all the things I’ll get to do with my space once the husband moves out eventually and I don’t want to lose that already. Talked to my brother about it, too, and he just said “hell, no.” It’s an option if I need it, but probably going to try and pass on it if I can get away with it.
Overall, I’ve been in a pretty decent mood just spending time with friends and staying occupied. I do still get really down, though, anytime something gets me thinking about the future, or thinking about relationships, or just thinking about how long it will be until I get a hug from someone not in my family, if ever. I’m still not optimistic I’ll ever find someone decent that actually wants me back, but I just try my best not to think about it.
This weekend, the husband’s family came and took him on a trip for his birthday, so I was by myself for a nice 4 days. I haven’t had a home to myself like this in 20 years; no family, no roommates, etc. It was so nice. I was a little worried I’d start getting lonely or something, but I really enjoyed it. Got to blast music out of my speakers for once, watch whatever I wanted on the TV since no one else was using it, etc. Maybe I’d start feeling bad over a longer period, but maybe not. I really just need to get those divorce papers in already, lol.
Think tomorrow also ends the month of fuck-off time I gave myself before I go hard in the job search again. I did a little bit of searching and put out one app already while being lazy, but really need to clean up the resume still and get all my benefits out of that career transition service we were given when we got laid off. Still got about 3 months worth of funds without dipping into savings, so I hope I should be able to find something decent by then.
This turned into a wall of text, as usual, sorry. TL;DR: kind of doing better.
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moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Renting out or selling the house is probably a good idea. Unless you are super in love with the place, a home/job closer to your parents would be a pretty big boon in the long run. Money is a necessary evil, but all the money in the world doesn't mean a thing if you are miserable.
Do your parents own their home/land? If they have a decent amount of land, would they be amenable to putting in an ADU? A nice mother in law unit in the back yard kind of thing with enough room for your stuff and cats, which would add value to their property? You could rent it from them when you get a new job and getting back on your feet? Just spitballing.
Happy to hear you are getting ready to start moving forward. Get that divorce done ASAP and get some distance from your ex. That alone will do wonders in alleviating your depression. You won't be able to move forward until you get that monkey off your back.
Koushirou
Log Wizard
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Barely any land, and their backyard is the tee box for the 10th hole. Basically I’d get a bedroom maybe 1/3 the size of my current one and a corner cleared out of the entertainment room upstairs for me to put my desk. Also one small window that doesn’t even have a sill for the cats to look out of. We’d all be pretty miserable, I think, and it’s not like I’d be happy about making them move all their shit around just to try and accommodate me, either.