Been doing a bit better lately, for the most part. Trying to just focus on the day to day shit and not think about anything else. Got some items knocked off the list as far as shit I needed to get done, like filing for unemployment, Medicaid, etc. Still a bunch more shit to do, but the list isn’t as long, now.
Parents came up the other week. Got to spend a bunch of time with them eating bad food and ice cream, going to the movies and a baseball game with them and my brother’s family. Felt much needed and was nice to get to spend that time with them. Parents want me to go move in with them for a while until I get back on my feet again. I can see the positives: rent out my house and just keep it as an investment while I get a new job and find somewhere else to live, be able to spend time with them often, save some money, etc. There’s a lot of cons, too; I need my privacy, there’s almost no space in their house for me or any of my stuff and the cats would be miserable there and I think they’d get annoyed with them pretty quickly. I’d also just started getting into the mindset of all the things I’ll get to do with my space once the husband moves out eventually and I don’t want to lose that already. Talked to my brother about it, too, and he just said “hell, no.” It’s an option if I need it, but probably going to try and pass on it if I can get away with it.
Overall, I’ve been in a pretty decent mood just spending time with friends and staying occupied. I do still get really down, though, anytime something gets me thinking about the future, or thinking about relationships, or just thinking about how long it will be until I get a hug from someone not in my family, if ever. I’m still not optimistic I’ll ever find someone decent that actually wants me back, but I just try my best not to think about it.
This weekend, the husband’s family came and took him on a trip for his birthday, so I was by myself for a nice 4 days. I haven’t had a home to myself like this in 20 years; no family, no roommates, etc. It was so nice. I was a little worried I’d start getting lonely or something, but I really enjoyed it. Got to blast music out of my speakers for once, watch whatever I wanted on the TV since no one else was using it, etc. Maybe I’d start feeling bad over a longer period, but maybe not. I really just need to get those divorce papers in already, lol.
Think tomorrow also ends the month of fuck-off time I gave myself before I go hard in the job search again. I did a little bit of searching and put out one app already while being lazy, but really need to clean up the resume still and get all my benefits out of that career transition service we were given when we got laid off. Still got about 3 months worth of funds without dipping into savings, so I hope I should be able to find something decent by then.
This turned into a wall of text, as usual, sorry. TL;DR: kind of doing better.
