Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
- 4,248
- 11,479
And yet, somewhere there's an eq nerd reading this screaming "I can fix her!"
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Depression
- Thread starter Tarrant
- Start date
Koushirou
Log Wizard
- 5,405
- 13,832
I like how people attribute the lack of my DMs blowing up when my marriage ended to board atrophy or increased maturity or whatever, when I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm just that fucked up and worthless.
Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
- 4,248
- 11,479
tbf, many/most of us are married, and also blowing up your dm's via this particular thread might seem a bit distasteful. If that's what your after, some subtle "recruitment" posts in screenshots and the mmo forum might do the trick.
Koushirou
Log Wizard
- 5,405
- 13,832
It's not that I want it, but sad to say it still feels bad when you hear about damn near every female on the internet having the problem of creepers or weirdos, etc. and I'm over here and it's completely crickets having never had this issue ever. Like, what the fuck is so wrong with me that not even the desperate fuckers will touch me.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
- 25,778
- 47,836
We may be degenerates, but we're degenerates who aren't in your neighborhood. And like Control said many of us are married. You are also one of us, and we're not going to kick you when you're down. If you want that kind of attention then hit up Reddit. Post that you are getting divorced on AITA or some divorce sub and you will have creeps from around the world up in your DMs.
There's nothing wrong with you, but you're depressed, so you are preventing yourself from understanding that. That's also why you are overreacting to the stuff with your EQ group. Have you gotten the divorce paperwork in? Have you gotten started on your job search? One way of getting out of a funk is to just focus on the positive actions you can do. Start making your backup plans. You may want to take your parents up on their offer for a while now instead of later. Get your house listed and assets split between you and your ex. That would put you in a stable environment, and would be uncomfortable enough to give you a push to get a job so you could move out again.
Or you might find it comfortable, and you can build deeper bonds with mom and dad while you still have them. No wrong answers there.
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Lambourne
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
- 3,362
- 7,857
Even those of us that aren't married are old enough to not do the "hey bb u wan som fuk" thing.
What's "wrong" is, for lack of a better term, logistics.
You want a new relationship where the guy is interested in you for reasons beyond some wet holes. Any guy looking for a relationship is just not going to invest any time in a woman that's still married and living with the soon-to-be ex. Anyone in that position is likely not emotionally in the right place for a new relationship, maybe the ex is some crazy MFer that's going to come after you with a gun. Maybe you have a change of heart and want to try again with the ex. Young dudes desperate for any sex at all ignore those issues but we do wise up a little with age. Too many things to go wrong, look elsewhere.
This is why all the guys here are telling you to get those deal breakers sorted. Decent guys looking for a relationship are just not going to invest emotionally before that. Finalize paperwork, move out, find your footing again and guys will be more interested.
Once that's done, you can come live in my attic and play EQ all day and I can get a green card. See, there's more worth to you already.
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Haus
I am Big Balls!
- 16,175
- 65,872
Short of the becoming an attic gnome for his green card
Lambourne
is pretty spot on.
I'd also add that from the outside it looks like you're suffering from something of a crisis in the self image department, but it's wholly normal in your situation to be suffering from that. Sounds like you are getting rid of a hubby who didn't make you feel attractive, and that's an asshole move IMHO as it's one of the roles of any spouse to help remind their other half that they are desirable, even if it's not clothes ripping pipe laying lust on tap. (for many men it's simpler things like the drive by grab ass while you're standing around) Caveat this with the fact that I'm one of those married guys (so not in the available pool), and have no clue whatsoever what you actually look like.
Add into this that you were fired from a job, and are going through a divorce which would also tend to ravage anybody's self esteem and it's a potent negative combo.
As for what to do about feeling less than attractive? I have to deal with that some since I'm heavier than I want to be, have a body that shows my stout mountain dwarf genetic lineage, and am bearing the genetic pre-disposition of my family for thinning hair in our 50's. For me, I focused on finding clothes in a style which made me look less than trollish. Although I am really not the person to ask for advice on this front. heh
Lambourne
is pretty spot on. I'd also add that from the outside it looks like you're suffering from something of a crisis in the self image department, but it's wholly normal in your situation to be suffering from that. Sounds like you are getting rid of a hubby who didn't make you feel attractive, and that's an asshole move IMHO as it's one of the roles of any spouse to help remind their other half that they are desirable, even if it's not clothes ripping pipe laying lust on tap. (for many men it's simpler things like the drive by grab ass while you're standing around) Caveat this with the fact that I'm one of those married guys (so not in the available pool), and have no clue whatsoever what you actually look like.
Add into this that you were fired from a job, and are going through a divorce which would also tend to ravage anybody's self esteem and it's a potent negative combo.
As for what to do about feeling less than attractive? I have to deal with that some since I'm heavier than I want to be, have a body that shows my stout mountain dwarf genetic lineage, and am bearing the genetic pre-disposition of my family for thinning hair in our 50's. For me, I focused on finding clothes in a style which made me look less than trollish. Although I am really not the person to ask for advice on this front. heh
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Springbok
Karen
- 9,749
- 14,627
Izo
Tranny Chaser
- 20,537
- 26,506
Cutlery
Kill All the White People
- 7,492
- 22,709
Even those of us that aren't married are old enough to not do the "hey bb u wan som fuk" thing.
What's "wrong" is, for lack of a better term, logistics.
You want a new relationship where the guy is interested in you for reasons beyond some wet holes. Any guy looking for a relationship is just not going to invest any time in a woman that's still married and living with the soon-to-be ex. Anyone in that position is likely not emotionally in the right place for a new relationship, maybe the ex is some crazy MFer that's going to come after you with a gun. Maybe you have a change of heart and want to try again with the ex. Young dudes desperate for any sex at all ignore those issues but we do wise up a little with age. Too many things to go wrong, look elsewhere.
This is why all the guys here are telling you to get those deal breakers sorted. Decent guys looking for a relationship are just not going to invest emotionally before that. Finalize paperwork, move out, find your footing again and guys will be more interested.
Once that's done, you can come live in my attic and play EQ all day and I can get a green card. See, there's more worth to you already.
This is the crux of the whole thing and why everyone is telling you to square the shit up and life gets better
I had a girlfriend in 1st grade. I don't remember why, I don't remember how it started, but we would hold hands in library while we were watching some shit about the Dewey decimal system or some shit. It was just innocent, 6 year old love. She changed schools after first grade and I never saw her again. Tried looking for her many times over the years, just curiosity, mostly. Couldn't find her. It's like she vanished off the face of the earth.
Turns out she just got married young (just like I did) and changed her name. Later on when she got divorced and went back to her name, found her on Facebook. Turns out she never forgot me either but couldn't remember how to spell my name, and I don't have any social media anyway. So I was unfindable too. She was basically living just down the road (metaphorically speaking, she's just a city over from me) the whole fucking time.
We've still got a crazy spark between us. It's something that's indescribable and just magnetic. It's weird when you spend so long thinking about someone and never forget them. She feels the same way I do about it.
Anyway, I got divorced and I basically told her "well, now's your chance," and she was still trying to make shit work with the drunk she was with. I started dating, met my fiance, dumped my fiance because it was too soon for me to be seriosuly dating, went thru a few more women, then got to a point where I was just tired of the whole thing. So I asked her again if she wanted to try. She was still insistent on trying to make it work with this dude, so I got back together with the fiance because I was in a better place and ready to have a real relationship (obviously she wasn't my fiance this whole time, it's just the descriptor for her). Now we're getting hitched in a couple months here and guess who's a complete fucking wreck about it?
If you guessed the one in a relationship with an abusive drunk who caught a DUi dealing with his retarded shit and now she can't even drive and is going bankrupt and getting shit repossessed because she bet on the wrong fucking horse while some other woman has a ring, well, it's not that hard to figure out. She's a complete wreck and tells me all the same shit. Crying all day, doesn't have any idea how she's gonna make it all work.
Its hard to have sympathy for her. I gave her a fuckin chance. Multiple ones, in fact. She didn't wanna do the hard shit and get her life in order. She was assuming a broken relationship would work, which I don't blame her for, but now she's extremely despondent that she missed her chance because she was wasting time with someone who wasn't worth wasting time on.
Your life sucks right now. It's not gonna stop sucking until you rip the bandaid off. It's still gonna suck for awhile afterwards, but at least you're gonna be on the path to healing. Every day you waste with this loser is one more guy getting married to someone else. You can't expect them to give you anything if you can't even get the old trash outta the house. That's not to say you can't talk about the old trash, and all the fun times you had with the old trash, but the bag can't be sitting beside you.
Take out the trash,
Koushirou
, you'll feel better. And the room will probably smell better too.- 7
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 14,684
- 37,570
Take out the trash,
This. Clean your room, wash your penis, etc. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's what will work/help.
Something else that can help is, if you're actively trying to get shit fixed but it's just going to take time (administrative paperwork delays, whatever), every morning when you wake up tell yourself out loud "today is going to suck because I'm still waiting on ______, but it will start getting better after this shit is resolved" or similar. Basically make yourself acknowledge the situation you're in. It will help frame everything for you such that if you do have a shitty day, you already knew it was going to be lame because of where you are right now. I know it sounds weird, but ACTIVELY setting your frame is very beneficial.
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Why are you still talking to the 1st grade “girlfriend”? Is there something your fiancé isn’t giving you that is keeping you attached? Seems like you should’ve cut it off and moved on a long time ago.This is the crux of the whole thing and why everyone is telling you to square the shit up and life gets better
I had a girlfriend in 1st grade. I don't remember why, I don't remember how it started, but we would hold hands in library while we were watching some shit about the Dewey decimal system or some shit. It was just innocent, 6 year old love. She changed schools after first grade and I never saw her again. Tried looking for her many times over the years, just curiosity, mostly. Couldn't find her. It's like she vanished off the face of the earth.
Turns out she just got married young (just like I did) and changed her name. Later on when she got divorced and went back to her name, found her on Facebook. Turns out she never forgot me either but couldn't remember how to spell my name, and I don't have any social media anyway. So I was unfindable too. She was basically living just down the road (metaphorically speaking, she's just a city over from me) the whole fucking time.
We've still got a crazy spark between us. It's something that's indescribable and just magnetic. It's weird when you spend so long thinking about someone and never forget them. She feels the same way I do about it.
Anyway, I got divorced and I basically told her "well, now's your chance," and she was still trying to make shit work with the drunk she was with. I started dating, met my fiance, dumped my fiance because it was too soon for me to be seriosuly dating, went thru a few more women, then got to a point where I was just tired of the whole thing. So I asked her again if she wanted to try. She was still insistent on trying to make it work with this dude, so I got back together with the fiance because I was in a better place and ready to have a real relationship (obviously she wasn't my fiance this whole time, it's just the descriptor for her). Now we're getting hitched in a couple months here and guess who's a complete fucking wreck about it?
If you guessed the one in a relationship with an abusive drunk who caught a DUi dealing with his retarded shit and now she can't even drive and is going bankrupt and getting shit repossessed because she bet on the wrong fucking horse while some other woman has a ring, well, it's not that hard to figure out. She's a complete wreck and tells me all the same shit. Crying all day, doesn't have any idea how she's gonna make it all work.
Its hard to have sympathy for her. I gave her a fuckin chance. Multiple ones, in fact. She didn't wanna do the hard shit and get her life in order. She was assuming a broken relationship would work, which I don't blame her for, but now she's extremely despondent that she missed her chance because she was wasting time with someone who wasn't worth wasting time on.
Your life sucks right now. It's not gonna stop sucking until you rip the bandaid off. It's still gonna suck for awhile afterwards, but at least you're gonna be on the path to healing. Every day you waste with this loser is one more guy getting married to someone else. You can't expect them to give you anything if you can't even get the old trash outta the house. That's not to say you can't talk about the old trash, and all the fun times you had with the old trash, but the bag can't be sitting beside you.
Take out the trash,