Girls who broke your heart thread

Im not good with discussions. Its probably better for the guy to remain distant from me. At least until I can get some other things under control.

New Year"s did not go as expected and now the chick I was after is suddenly dating some other guy. FML

CabbitCabbit said:

New Year"s did not go as expected and now the chick I was after is suddenly dating some other guy. FML

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That works out good for you!

Free time to look for a better chick!

Brad2770 said:

That works out good for you!

Free time to look for a better chick!

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Thanks for the words, and I"ll be direct in my response in that I just had a TON of time, energy, and emotion invested into this one. Year"s worth. Like I"ve mention in my last post, we"ve dated before, and still have had occasional rolls in the hay. I have a system for this that has worked so far though. Get blasted and mopey for a day or two, and then I feel fine.

Lemeran said:

Sounds like you can look forward to a long and prosperous career in law enforcement..

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Yup - getting favors from the whores in lieu of turning them in

Im over my ex. My last run with Diane actually cemented that for me.

I did not know my real dad. i was a high school accident. The guy I grew up thinking was my dad (I have 2 sisters. The oldest of them, her dad) kicked me out when i was 10 years old. He had taken me in when I was 5 when my mom and him divorced because my mom didnt want my sister and myself separated.

The guy my mom married when i was 10 wasnt much of a father figure. He was actually quite abusive (more mentally to us kids and later I found out was physically towards my mom). This guy is my youngest sister"s dad. This is the sister I hang out with the most.

I didnt actually have a decent father figure until I was 15, my current dad, who is, for the most part, a great guy. He puts up with my mom, who is pretty much insane now, so thats a plus.

SOOO, when my ex and I started dating, i actually day dreamed about having a son with her. When I found out she was pregnant with a boy, I saw all of my dreams coming true-

I would get to live the childhood I missed through my son. I NEVER got to have a "real" dad when I was a boy, so this was my chance. I would get to do everything with him and teach him how to be a man. But how can I do that every other weekend now?

Maybe I could fall in love again and have another child, but I am emotionally drained from this. I have ZERO desire for another child. I will take what scraps I can get....

As much as i stressed before, it was never 100% about my ex. I was fighting for time with my son. Go back into some of my old posts, but I put up with a lot of shit from my ex for the sake of seeing my son more. I really felt like I was doing everything I could for my son. I never gave up on him or his mom. I "knew" things could work. I knew I would be able to grow with my son every day.... not every other week.

Brad2770 said:

So, my ex called tonight and I answered. It was my son. I talked to him briefly. He asked me (again) if I would meet [his name]. I told him that I was busy, but maybe sometime soon.

I hate lying to him, but I have no interest in meeting the guy that will pretty much raise my son.

This is seriously the worst thing I have ever gone through..... I never even wanted children FOR THIS REASON EXACTLY.

I should have stuck to my guns and told her No, that I didnt want kids, but fuck is everything different when youre actually married and things are good.

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God that sounds like...well one of the worst things a guy can go through. Can you arrange it with your ex where she herself and only her meets up with you so you can see him? I don"t know what your custody stance is.

Tarrant220 said:

Not wanting to meet him and being pissed off he"s living with your son is making things about you when in reality it"s about your son.

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This. I"m not married/divorced nor do I have a child so I"m not making any judgments, but I can give you the child"s perspective and tell you without a doubt what will happen if you follow a certain path.

My parents went through a really shitty and vindictive divorce. 12-some years later they still hate each other. My mom largely tries to keep the peace (though she"s no saint and has had her vindictive periods as well) while my dad largely tries to instigate or at least escalate problems. My mom wants her children to be well, my dad feels wronged by my mom. These are their primary emotions.

My mom, with some exceptions, made it about her kids and what she could do that was best for us.
My dad, with no exceptions, made everything about him and how my mom was "screwing him over."

Both appeared to me as pretty vindictive and childish at times, but there was a difference in their base motivation. I could see that. ALL kids can see that.

I currently am very close with my mom and tell her absolutely everything in my life, I have constantly fought with my dad and told him to fuck off for good 6 months ago and haven"t talked to him since.

If you let your personal feelings decide your behavior, you will single handedly fuck up your relationship with your kid(s). No matter what your ex tells your kid or what you tell your kid, he will know the truth about how you guys are. Kids are smarter than you think.

edit: Seems like everything is in the shitter for everyone except tarrant (and tenks, but he never posts much) heh. God damn. Everyone was great like 1-2 months ago. I"m meeting DG tomorrow night. I don"t know my purpose and what I want but I miss her much more than I expected I would. I had to pursue quite a bit to even get her to agree to meet and talk. It"s one of two possibilities: she wants me to work for it and win her back if that"s what I"m after, or, more likely, already met another guy. And I have a date on Saturday with the other Korean girl I went on 1 date with and didn"t like that much, simply because there"s nothing else goin on and I gotta force myself to leave the house when its so cold out. Gonna plan a longer night and some drinking and she what she"s made of. Eh.

I dont doubt that, Dabamf. I have been in somewhat similar situations... Though I have never seen it to the end since I do not know my real dad, but I have seen what leads up to the divorces.

I let my son make a lot of his own decisions. I let him choose if he wants to go home or stay with me. He can choose if he would like to take toys I have bought him to his mom;s house or leave them with me (She does not let him bring toys here... That was one thing I hated that my mom and first step dad did when we would visit back and forth- Not allow me and my sister to take toys back and forth to each house). I let him call her when he wants (or call her parents when he wants). Things that my parents controlled when I was younger that i hated, I let him have a choice.

I do not talk bad about her or her new man. I have to come up with lies on why I do not hang out at her house anymore (yeah, you guys were right.... it was not good for him for us to be "hanging out"...) or why I do not see her or her new man.

I HAVE been in his shoes, so I know what to look out for without upsetting him. I do my best to avoid awkward moments, though he did witness me getting into a heated conversation with his Grandmother, which was my fault because I lost my temper with her.

Long story short- She claimed she would always be there for me. When i asked for help on something, she told me she couldnt get involved. I reminded her of her promise and she said that things changed and it was an obligation she couldnt uphold. I spoke my mind afterwards. It was ridiculous, actually, but nothing I could do and I should have walked away.

I dont even need all of my fingers to count how many people I would drop everything I am doing to run to their rescue because I love them. All but two of those people have hurt me pretty bad at some point or another. Sad thing is, my ex and her parents are some of those people. I know I am not one of the people on their fingers......


EDIT**
Actually, feeling a bit better. I guess I needed to vent.

Brad2770 said:

I dont even need all of my fingers to count how many people I would drop everything I am doing to run to their rescue because I love them. All but two of those people have hurt me pretty bad at some point or another. Sad thing is, my ex and her parents are some of those people. I know I am not one of the people on their fingers......

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This is something I"ve encountered far more in life than I ever thought or expected I would.

Being a good person is too hard for most people, no matter the circumstances. And it fucking sucks, but such is life.

Seems like everything is in the shitter for everyone

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Not me! I"m doing wonderfully! January 18th is 6 months of blissful marriage. Remember, Brad? It"s fine, I"ll let you bump the number up a little more to adjust.

Also, Brad, if you want to be more involved in your son"s life, then you need to make the required sacrifices. You"ll need to go to court, you"ll need to fight for more visitation and custody rights, you"ll need to cut down on the party life-style and babe-hunting to spend time with him. Won"t be pretty, but unless you want to become "Brad" and not "Dad," that"s what you"re going to have to do.

Dabamf said:

My parents went through a really shitty and vindictive divorce. 12-some years later they still hate each other. My mom largely tries to keep the peace (though she"s no saint and has had her vindictive periods as well) while my dad largely tries to instigate or at least escalate problems. My mom wants her children to be well, my dad feels wronged by my mom. These are their primary emotions.

My mom, with some exceptions, made it about her kids and what she could do that was best for us.
My dad, with no exceptions, made everything about him and how my mom was "screwing him over."

Both appeared to me as pretty vindictive and childish at times, but there was a difference in their base motivation. I could see that. ALL kids can see that.

I currently am very close with my mom and tell her absolutely everything in my life, I have constantly fought with my dad and told him to fuck off for good 6 months ago and haven"t talked to him since.

If you let your personal feelings decide your behavior, you will single handedly fuck up your relationship with your kid(s). No matter what your ex tells your kid or what you tell your kid, he will know the truth about how you guys are. Kids are smarter than you think.

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This. Except I"m going on 4 years without talking to my father and 11 years later would you believe it my parents are STILL going through the divorce (basically my dad tried to get out of trying to pay support by siphoning all the money off to the new girl friend and making himself poor, lying to the judge, appeals courts....which might have worked if the new girlfriend wasn"t under indictment for pulling an Enron....which landed HIS ass in jail....oy drama.).

The second I figured out that my dad was a fuck up who wasn"t interested in getting help so he could stop hurting people I just said peace out. I gave him plenty of warning that he was getting there with me - once I stop caring enough to even fight with you/be mad at you I"m pretty much done for good point of no return. He (like always) didn"t listen. He"s not invited to the wedding, he"ll never know his grandkids. I don"t think of him at all really. I"ll get a card occasionally and he sent some stuff off our registry - I took the money he spent and donated it to charity.

People don"t realize how observant kids are. Or if they do by that time its too late. There isn"t anything in the world my dad could do to get back in my good graces anymore because he can"t be trusted.

I talked to my ex (through text) and she said that she is not ready for [his name] and myself to meet. That until she is comfortable with this idea, that it would not happen and that I am to trust her judgement in the case of our son.

To be honest, I am fine with it now too. Like I said a few posts before, I want to get a few of my ducks in a row before this goes down. This includes me knowing 100% I am over my ex.

I feel ok with her not being in my life everyday and the fact that i have not seen her since the end of Aug. helps, but I want to know that when I do see her, that I feel nothing for her. I cant say that I am 100% over her now (after giving this topic some thought last night), but I do know that I want to be over her.

I do not think about us getting back together anymore. I think about what I am going to do as a single man. I have goals established for myself for the next 6 months to a year. I want to accomplish these goals before I think about anything else. (These are things I thought about after Diane left... instead of thinking of my ex and how I can get back into her life, I finally thought about me and my son and that"s it.)

Ok, conversation just spilled over into her being depressed at work and that she wanted to talk to me about it. She told me she thought about texting me last night, but figured I would hold it over her head. When I asked her why she didnt talk to [his name], she ignored the question.

We talked about it and I gave her the best advice that I could. Advice that I could surely follow.

The thing is, I wanted so bad to tell her that the best things that happened to me were her. But I didnt say anything. I"m sure it is best.