Aamina said:
That"s what I just said.I"m being usedfor emotional intimacy. I shouldn"t stick around, I know I shouldn"t, andif I had any sense of self respectI"d tell her to screw herself.
Emotional intimacy is great within the context of a reciprocal relationship. However, it"s been proven time and time again that most women don"t want a man that will cater to them. Not that attractive on the masculine scale of things.
Occasionally as a treat or "sensitive side" thing? Great. Typical M.O.? Nope.
Women (and men) typically want a person who is their own entity and who takes care of their own needs in order for them to have something to give in relationships when it"s reciprocal and healthy.
You need to be your own person. Even in previous discussions about getting women to go to bed with you or spend time with you, were you really being yourself or meeting your own needs? No. You were playing a role or using a formula to do so. You still didn"t sound that happy.
I"m not trying to be an ass in pointing this stuff out since I"ve had this issue forever in relationships. You have to find yourself, be yourself, love and take care of yourself, and reasonably give what you can without depriving yourself of your needs or self-respect. You"ll weed out the more selfish and/or dysfunctional people and find someone who will also respect you. You also need to let a significant other do some of the initiating when it comes to giving or catering.
It took a lot for me to see this. It"s human nature for people to take and take, men or women. For awhile it might look like things are working out, but trust me, they"re not. Sounds like you have self-worth/self-respect issues, trust issues, maybe even abandonment issues. They need to be addressed, otherwise you"re going to keep having train-wrecks and be miserable.
My advice? See a good marriage/family therapist and no dating for 3-6 months initially while you do. Work on liking/loving/respecting yourself in the meantime and give yourself that time and energy and learn healthy boundaries.