Marriage and the Power of Divorce

That's right. It's about the idea that this one day is worth all the money.

"I'm not paying $10 for parking... fuck that, we'll walk two miles to the concert, fucking thieves. But I'll pay 50 grand for a wedding."

Soygen said:

I get the desire to make a memorable day for you and your guests, but unless you're wealthy, I just can't reconcile blowing shitloads of money on a wedding. We haven't even discussed wedding plans yet. Having a newborn makes avoiding wedding planning easy. When we eventually do start, though, I know she's going to be disappointed in my unwillingness to spend more than a couple grand for anything. Alas, life is full of disappointment.

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So I get a lot of shit about my lifestyle but I have an entire lifetime's worth of "talk her down" tradeoffs mapped out for that exact situation (though I don't think I'll ever need it).

Things like blueprints of 3 different types of "dreamhomes" that I've made myself on sites like smartdraw.com. Or being able to buy vacation homes in various exotic locations. I have so many examples of why weddings are a waste of money and better ways to use it that I've had to forget about half of them to not seem like a lunatic.

"You can have this stupid fucking wedding or we can live the rest of our lives like this". I'm fully prepared for that conversation if it ever happens, even though it probably never will. Because honestly I would never ask a woman who needs that kind of convincing to marry me.

Soygen said:

Yeah, she is not going to need any kind of talking down. I just know there will be some disappointment on her part, but even she knows we don't have stupid money to blow on it and saving the cash is the smarter option. I'm totally down with just going to city hall, doing it there with our parents/siblings and then having a nice party shortly thereafter with our close friends/family.

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Yea I hear ya. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter how reasonable your woman is there is always at least a little piece of peer pressure influencing them. And I don't know about you but even though I seem like a cold, callous son of a bitch it still tears me up when I can see that I've upset someone that I really do love. No matter how outrageous I may think something is...

That's how they fucking get us. All of us. Regardless of how impervious we think we are.

Deathwing said:

Imagined conversations either never happen or never go the way you planned.

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Yep.

I hyped up the "I dont want an open bar at my wedding" talk with my in laws..

Cause it was a fucking noon wedding. A single fucking keg, some champagne, and a bottle of wine per table (as opposed to the ~$900 they spent on the open bar) would have been sufficient.

..Instead? I had 3 different incidents of puking on the dance floor at my reception. My best man (god rest his soul) attacked a fucking statue, also...A STATUE....

My reception was only 4 hours...

I mean, I'm glad I got to watch the fucking train wreck. I actually am. But woulda been nice to look back at my reception and not refer to it as a train wreck.

My wife was hot as fuck in the dress tho.

Cad said:

Can they just give you the money instead of lighting it on fire?

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Deathwing said:

It's not about the money.

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Feel bad for saying so, but it totally is about the money. There's going to be a family celebration no matter what, but spending thousands on unnecessary things like an all-night open bar and silly wedding accoutrements just takes away from what money's left over to be given. Money that is going to go towards aaaall the shit required to settle down, get in a house, and spawn a babything (that in and of itself is going to be a fucking can of worms, when I tell my family we want to move out of state.) Money will and could be saved if other family members agree to allowing us to use one of the 'family' beach properties as the venue, but outside of that I think whatever expenditure does happen is largely out of our hands.

I forget who said it, but I agreed with them when they said that the wedding celebration in and of itself wasn't really about us. It's on my parents' dime, so in the end they get to pick and choose what kind of celebration it is. Don't really have any ground to stand on to negotiate when they're holding the checkbook.

I would never have my parents wedding

Zaara said:

Ceremony will be another thing entirely. My guest list of about 30 will balloon to probably around 75-80, 'a family dinner' will become a catered fucking extravaganza with the goddamn flowers and cake and catering oh and maybe a band and wouldn't this or this or this venue be nice. Plusses and minuses of being the baby of the family.

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Welcome to my life right now.

Guest list at my wedding was just shy of 400 of which 200 showed up.

Why'd you guys invite 200 extra people you don't know?

Khane said:

Why'd you guys invite 200 extra people you don't know?

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Lol, Youre showing your ignorance. Those were all the parents 3rd cousins.

We had a pretty big party, but it was very laid back. Noon wedding, and then everyone who wanted to came back to the reception. It was in a cool facility that had lots of places to sit and hang out. Lots of food (buffet style), and cash bar. I'm not paying for everyone to drink, and it was only 1:30 in the afternoon, so no one got stupid. Live music, good food no structured program with toasts and shit, just hanging out and talking and visiting with everyone who traveled for the wedding. There were a huge number of people, but the whole reception didn't cost more than about $3,000. Now, I co-own the building, the band was friends, and another friend did the catering for cost, but still...

If you're wedding doesn't have open bar it's automatically a disappointment. Shit even open beer and wine is a letdown.