Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Tarrant

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And when they are adults they have no right to expect you to pay for a mistake .....

You see that’s the crux of this specific instance right?

Hey kid I am your parent, I will not pay for college at this specific one just so you can hang out with this girl. If you want to go to this college feel free, just I’m not paying. Give it a couple months and get back to me. We got time little buddy.

So for like the 3rd time, if you’re paying for it and they know it going into that that’s something different all together.
 

a_skeleton_03

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Tarrant you are probably thinking that if they choose to do any of these things that there will be an anger from me involved.

Nope, there just won’t be the money or other support for those actions.

I will still love them and supportive of them as new adults but I don’t have to pay for shit ever again if I want to.

If they go to the college that I specifically tell them is a mistake I will talk to them as much as they want. I won’t bring it up as the mistake that it is. They know my feeling already. If it works out and they graduate I will congratulate them and then probably give them a check for what I would have paid for college if they had the choices I suggested.
 

a_skeleton_03

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So for like the 3rd time, if you’re paying for it and they know it going into that that’s something different all together.
No it’s not, you are acting like it’s an obligation.

I could have sprung that on them the first day of college, too bad Jacob but I am not going to pay for this, I hope your first day of class is awesome and I left some loan paperwork on your dorm room bed.
 

3301

Wake Up Man
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A package was delivered to our home today, addressed to my wife. I brought it inside and my intuition was telling me something was up with it. I did not open it, calm your tits. I did look up the sender's address and found it is from luckymojo.com a Hoodoo and conjuring supplies merchant. I remember a long time ago she told me she used a "Hot Foot" spell to get her brother in-law to leave her sister. Well that never worked, he's still with her.

No idea what's in there, but today I had a good laugh.

fd037dc69aee1130161cb29b2b1634e1.png
 
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alavaz

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I say split the difference. If they want to follow a boy/girl to college use that as leverage to make them pick a worthwhile degree and tell them if they get a GPA below 3 (or whatever) that's the last semester of college you will pay for.
 

Khane

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I say split the difference. If they want to follow a boy/girl to college use that as leverage to make them pick a worthwhile degree and tell them if they get a GPA below 3 (or whatever) that's the last semester of college you will pay for.

Well, you should be doing that anyway. Why would you tell your kid you'll pay for college regardless of degree and GPA as long as they DON'T follow a GF/BF there? The assistance should hinge on their choices and performance no matter what. Unless you want to teach them bad lessons and make them think no matter what they do mommy and daddy will rescue them.
 
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alavaz

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Well, you should be doing that anyway. Why would you tell your kid you'll pay for college regardless of degree and GPA as long as they DON'T follow a GF/BF there? The assistance should hinge on their choices and performance no matter what. Unless you want to teach them bad lessons and make them think no matter what they do mommy and daddy will rescue them.
Ignored that leverage part eh?

Why are you in here armchair parenting anyway? That bored?
 

Khane

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Im not armchair parenting. You can be insincere and pretend you need to have children to understand the gravity of debt and in particular the amount of debt incurred because of college but you'd be full of shit. You just need to be a human being who's experienced it themselves, which I have.

So let's not go down that "Well I can't really argue with him so let's play the children card" rabbit hole. K?
 
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Prodigal

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Our daughter had a passing phase where she contemplated changing her biology/mathematics double major to psychology. After a brief discussion she stuck with biology with a math minor and is working on her independent study now.

Son knows we have to approve of the college, but we’ve given him a lot of options and visited a lot of colleges. The college his sister goes to is high on the list as they want him to play football there and can offer him an athletic scholarship (partial) to go along with merit scholarships they’ve already offered, so getting it down about what I’m paying for her education, which works for me. He wants to be a physical therapist right now, so we’ll see where it goes.

Didn’t mean to veer the discussion too much to the parenting side - just thought others could relate to being given an opinion and then told who they needed to share it with, so to speak.
 

alavaz

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Im not armchair parenting. You can be insincere and pretend you need to have children to understand the gravity of debt and in particular the amount of debt incurred because of college but you'd be full of shit. You just need to be a human being who's experienced it themselves, which I have.

So let's not go down that "Well I can't really argue with him so let's play the children card" rabbit hole. K?

What debt? I thought I was paying for it?

You completely missed / ignored the point of my post and wrote a bunch of captain obvious shit.

I'll be honest... I don't even know what you are attempting to "argue" about?
 
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Khane

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You completely missed / ignored the point of my post and wrote a bunch of captain obvious shit.

No I did not. You said to use "leverage" to impose your will. I noted that "leverage" should exist no matter the circumstances. Why would you pay for a bullshit degree or a kid that is getting straight C's whether they went to their girlfriends college or not?
 
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alavaz

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No I did not. You said to use "leverage" to impose your will. I noted that "leverage" should exist no matter the circumstances. Why would you pay for a bullshit degree or a kid that is getting straight C's whether they went to their girlfriends college or not?
Exactly, I didn't feel a need to state the obvious and didn't think anyone would assume I meant that it would be ok otherwise. Guess I was wrong.
 

Khane

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You literally told him to use it as an opportunity to impose his will. About something that probably should have been made clear long before that. But keep pretending I'm the slow one here...

You should really go back and re-read that exchange maestro.
 
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alavaz

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You literally told him to use it as an opportunity to impose his will. About something that probably should have been made clear long before that. But keep pretending I'm the slow one here...

You should really go back and re-read that exchange maestro.

You're a strange dude...I literally did not use any of the words you just said.

I'll go ahead and leave this to you though cause your advice is just so good.
 

Khane

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What exactly to you think the word "leverage" means? Is English your second language?
 
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alavaz

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What exactly to you think the word "leverage" means? Is English your second language?

The same thing my boy Merriam Webster says it does: the power to influence a person or situation to achieve a particular outcome.

What do you think influence means? Is it a synonym of impose? Is English your second language?