Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Jesus Christ Big P, this isn't the general forums.

That said, she's a professional dominatrix who isn't dominant? Sounds like she sucks at her job.

Big Phoenix said:

Are you serious? This woman "friend" of yours is 100% disgusting trash and sounds like she deserved everything thats happened to her.

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Listen. Trust me when I say the BF 100% knew what he was getting into. By all accounts he DID EVERYTHING he could to pursue her, despite the many many red flags that he was surely aware of.

What her friends told me, and what I knew already is that he is very very jealous of her regular clients, her friends and everyone else close in her life.

She is a true "femme fatale" and she told me that at the start of their relationship she made it very clear he would have to accept her work, and that if he couldn't fulfil any of her fetishes then she would find someone who would.

As I said, before this weekend I actually felt kinda sorry for him - because she is volatile. But at same time I also knew he was a fucking idiot who was thinking with his dick, not his head, when he decided to pursue her.

I genuinely had no idea the violence was going on

And why exactly are you surprised a pro Dominatrix enjoys hurting men?

Khane said:

That said, she's a professional dominatrix who isn't dominant? Sounds like she sucks at her job.

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Well she's earning $12-15k a month just from Onlyfans and has the largest BDSM space in her Country

This is the fucked up part. She is a true lifestyler, their relationship started off as a 24/7 femdom relationship - but apparently now it just happens in the bedroom because the BF isn't actually submissive or something.

But yes, I have a hard time reconciling the person I know (both the person and the Dominatrix persona) with someone who puts up with domestic abuse.

But like I said, it's the textbook domestic violence scenario. She is choosing to stay because she's in love, and believes the promises that he will change/get therapy etc

edit: fucked up quotes

Big Phoenix said:

Wtf? Puts up with? Shes as abusive as he is.

How are you friends with such a horrible person? Only a truly fucked up person downloads Tinder to taunt their partner with. Making someone tattoo your name on their body isnt reconciliation, thats extreme revenge.

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I really can't emphasise this enough - he surely knew what he was getting into, because over the course of dating/wooing her he would surely have heard all the stuff I've heard and then some. We live in different Countries so I don't see her that often and I've heard enough to know she's a Black Widow.

Apparently they were together for a bit then she broke up with him because he wasn't submissive enough, didn't look after himself physically and was too uptight. He came back four months later begging for a second chance, was in better shape and was now her "ideal slave and partner".

So this guy had heard all her horror stories about how she treats her ex-BFs, knew that she is a pro Domme and would have to tolerate her clients, men buying her gifts, her Onlyfans content etc and was so determined to be with her that he worked super hard to change himself.

And as I said - he went even further by "pretending" to be submissive and tolerating a 24/7 femdom relationship for X amount of months, until he felt secure enough to admit he was putting up with a lot of stuff he didn't like/enjoy.

But yes, clearly it's toxic. Clearly they're both fucked up.

Does that mean she deserves violence? Does that mean I should just ignore it?

Big Phoenix said:

Uhh look at what youre saying;



This woman is fucking nuts. Extreme emotional and mental abuse and likely physical abuse in there too.

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I'm not sure what your point is by quoting what you quoted? She's a pro and lifestyle Dominatrix - 24/7 "femdom" relationships aren't that uncommon.

The BF met her as a client, their relationship transitioned into a "romantic" one with the extra dynamic of her being his Mistress, him being her slave. She broke up with him, and so he did everything he could to win her back.

We are going round in circles, I'm not denying she is volatile - I've told you that before this weekend I felt kinda sorry for him because of her volatility, but at same time he knew what he was getting into.

Big Phoenix said:

Shes not a Dominatrix, shes an abusive psycho.

You cant help your "friend". Shes a fundamentally broken person and abuse and chaos will follow her wherever she goes because shes extremely abusive herself.

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She could have any man she wanted, and there are lots who worship the ground she walks on. Yet she currently chooses to be with one who is violent towards her

Regardless of her underlying issues (she is bipolar), she doesn't deserve to be treated this way.

Focusing on her is distracting from the actual issue of how do you get abused women to wake up and decide to leave

Big Phoenix said:

Yet somehow she magically ended up with an abuser.

Decent men dont go for prostitutes. She ended up with an abuser because the only dudes who will be in a relationship with a literal prostitute are horrible men.

You cant help her. She is a broken person who is incapable of making smart choices. If you could snap your fingers and make the guy vanish forever she would be getting abused again this time next year.

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She's a dominatrix, not a prostitute rofl

Thanks for demonstrating a distinct lack of knowledge

We need pics of the dominatrix to better help.

Ossoi said:

Just found out at the weekend that my friend is in an abusive relationship.

I knew it happened in January when she suggested a short break up and he started grabbing and pushing her. She said she was giving him a second chance because she loved him. She also made him get a tattoo of her name.

If anything, I felt kind of sorry for her BF because she's a highly volatile pro Dominatrix and has told me on several occasions how much she enjoys hurting men.

I've seen tinder on her phone, and she said she uses it to scare her boyfriend when they have a fight.


Anyway, it was her birthday on Saturday, they had a fight and police were called by passers by.

At the party it came out that the violence was ongoing enough for her to have a code word with a friend if she felt in danger.

She told me it was 100% over, then a few days later that she was already back with him because she loved him.

She downplayed the violence "he doesn't hit me" and seemed to blame herself for provoking him.

I understand these are typical behaviours from an abuse victim

I also understand that she has to be the one to decide to leave when she's ready.

She even said she never understood until now why women stay with violent men, and she knows it's toxic


Does anyone have experience of getting friends out of similar situations?

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I think the standard reply to this is encourage her to get into therapy. She needs a break from relationships to work on herself and she has no idea what love is. Just let her know you are there to listen if she wants.

ZyyzYzzy said:

Degenerative behavior. Not uncommon? What?

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To be fair we are all degenerates around here.

Which one is being abused?

Gawd damnit, you guys chased him away. We could’ve had sweet dominatrix pics and story time.

Sometimes I miss a pro like keg, @China Bat Soup

Izo said:

Gawd damnit, you guys chased him away. We could’ve had sweet dominatrix pics and story time.

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The conversation was just going round in circles.

Ossoi said:

The conversation was just going round in circles.

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Maybe she should try being a switch or bottom at home? I don’t really know how that stuff works. How do you factor in, are you romanticly involved, or want to be with your dom friend? Sounds complex to be sure.