Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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TJT

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I have a similar situation. My ex who ran out on me has been asking around our former friend group about me. This has stopped or at least it's no longer an issue. But she did try to follow me on Instagram. Which I only use to look at naked women.

She didn't message me or try to or anything but it is quite clear that she wants to initiate contact with me. I'm ignoring that and I don't think she'll push it. But I guess we'll see. I can only assume that she has a great deal of shame about our relationship as she ran out on me over made-up bullshit. I called her out on it even back then. She halfassed numerous apologies to me over the years. The underlying theme is that she simply wanted to move on (or something) but could not find any reason to do so other than selfish ones that she now feels extremely bad about.

Running off to Seattle and having a kid with a guy (who had three kids from two different women) in under two years who she then left to return to Austin and is now a single mom probably sucks. At least she has a really good job. That I also got for her personally.

Something something karma I guess.
 

Big Phoenix

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She doesn't deserve closure.
Oh of course.

I have to admit I did fantasize a lot a following our break up getting some type regret message from her. I imagined how I would laugh at her and tell her how terrible of a partner she was and just lay into her the way she deserved it.

After right at 3 years though I have no intention of responding to her as I'm all past that, but it does bring a smile to my face to see she did send that message.
 
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Noodleface

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Wife has lost a bunch of pregnancies so we're doing the testing stuff now to see why. That included me giving blood and semen. I know it isn't me, but you know, covering all the bases.

It kind of sucks watching my wife because I know that there is a cutoff in her mind where we just stop. Just trying to be supportive.

Truth be told, I am perfectly fine with just having the two boys but I am also happy to have 1-2 more. I just have trouble reconciling with the idea of opening my heart for more kids, even though I Know once I have them I fall in love. I just hope that if things don't go well, it doesn't ruin her.

Just rambling at this point.
 

Arative

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My wife lost one between our son and daughter, was real early though. I can't imagine her having to deal with losing multiples. Losing one messed her up bad.
 

OU Ariakas

Get it ALL together and put it in a backpack
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Do you know how I am sure that aborting a baby has long lasting mental consequences on a woman? Every single one that I know that had a miscarriage (and it is almost every woman I know) talks about like a true loss no matter how early along it happened. Even the ones that did not even know they were pregnant are sad at the loss. We are all guys so it really does not affect us the same way; much like I never really had connections to my kids before they were outside of the womb whereas my wife was intimately connected to all of them because she carried each one.

Now take that feeling and add in the knowledge that without the choice of the woman that the loss would not have occurred. I know there are a ton of circumstances where they do it quickly and without thinking of the consequences but it really must be torture when they are alone with their thoughts.
 

Captain Suave

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
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Every single one that I know that had a miscarriage (and it is almost every woman I know) talks about like a true loss no matter how early along it happened. Even the ones that did not even know they were pregnant are sad at the loss.

It varies a lot. My wife lost a pregnancy at 18 weeks after the fetus' heart failed to develop properly. She was totally clinical about the whole thing. The most disturbing part for her was how the medical staff kept trying to console her and treating her like she was in shock. Her response was, "Three percent of pregnancies fail at 12-20 weeks. This was bad luck. We'll try again." The staff gave her a sympathy teddy bear, presumably to cry on. She gave it to the dog as a chew toy. Six years and another kid later I've still never seen her so much as melancholy about it.

I think there's a selection bias where the women to whom it's not an emotional problem just don't talk about it because it isn't a big deal.
 
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Denamian

Night Janitor
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At work I end up talking to both patients and providers all night long, including OB patients. Some start losing their minds over just a little bit of spotting, while others have already confirmed fetal death and are just flat out annoyed they haven't passed the tissue yet.

Just like any other potentially traumatic experience, different people handle it differently.
 

Borzak

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Wife and I are separated now. Been married a year. Too much stress with the medical issues. Someone I dated 30 years ago and is a good financial situation has offered to let me move in. She's an executive at what is left of the Shaw group after they sold to Chicago Bridge and Iron. Not sure how much help she would be other than financial. We get along very well especially politically. A couple of women I know are nurses have offered help but thinking they got a divorce as a nurse for a reason.
 

Tarrant

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Wife and I are separated now. Been married a year. Too much stress with the medical issues. Someone I dated 30 years ago and is a good financial situation has offered to let me move in. She's an executive at what is left of the Shaw group after they sold to Chicago Bridge and Iron. Not sure how much help she would be other than financial. We get along very well especially politically. A couple of women I know are nurses have offered help but thinking they got a divorce as a nurse for a reason.

What medical issues and how did they cause you to divorce?
 

Phazael

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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.... but thinking they got a divorce as a nurse for a reason.
This. I also think its a mistake to just jump from relationship to relationship, but I also do not walk in your shoes....
 

Alex

Still a Music Elitist
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Weren't you with your wife for a really long time before you got married? What changed?
 

Borzak

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This. I also think its a mistake to just jump from relationship to relationship, but I also do not walk in your shoes....

Yeah but it's not really a relationship other than I guess they have the built in want/need to help someone. At least the women I know that are nurses. The one that's not we've been good friends since probably the 3rd grade and it's nothing more than friends now and no plans to go anywhere further and we both made that clear, for now at least.

Now a true basket case of a woman that I know wanted more but she had marriage problems, boyfriend problems, legal problems, professional career problems due to her license due to inactivity. Umm no thanks.