Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Oblio · Dec 18, 2021

Cutlery said:
Yeah, this is the way I interpret it too.

I've had a path opened to me at work for the last couple of years...a path to an easier life, but more corporate bullshit. The company hasn't exactly been falling over backwards for me, so it's just getting tiring. I had ambition to pursue this at one point, but the longer this goes on, the more I see it as a waste of time.

In the end, no one is going to remember me as a fantastic supervisor, manager, director, executive or anything else. The people at work don't matter and they don't care about you. It's going to be a much more fulfilling life if I choose to focus on people who do matter as opposed to people who don't. Top at that list of people that matter is me. I want to make something and do something that will outlast me. Nothing you do in a professional setting will outlast me. Everyone thinks they're irreplaceable at their job, but we've all seen irreplaceable people leave and life continues as normal.

This is why I want a job with less bullshit, which leaves more time for what I want to do. More time playing guitar, more time with my SO, my kids, my dogs. More time at the range working on my marksmanship. More time working with tools and creating things. Those are the things that last. In 100 years, no one is going to remember who I am at work, but in 100 years, my grandchildren will hand down furniture I made to their children.

Passion doesn't need to be the flame of love. It can just be the flame for living, instead of merely existing.

Work to live versus live to work. Also, you sound like a staunch supporter of UBI

... or at least a strong candidate for the pilot program.

I have been running a small business all by myself for the past 3 years, I was just killing myself up until the fall. I was always struggling to fit everything in, I would stop work for family time and then go back to it and stay up until 1am then back up and working at 5am. It was starting to really wear me down, so I scaled down the amount of business I was taking on. The last few months have been a nice work life balance with a few exceptions, but overall it has been good. However, I realize how much money I have been leaving on the table and that has been eating at me. So I finally bit the bullet and hired an assistant, she starts in January. Yeah she will cost me some money, but she will negate a lot of the time consuming work and allow me produce more. So yeah I will get slightly less of a bigger pot and hopefully have a more consistent schedule to fit in SO time, kid time and hobby time. Work life balance is a tricky bitch sometimes. It can ebb and flow to unhealthy levels, I would like to say I have it all figured out but I don't.

What I do know is that there is a positive correlation between my wife's physical attraction to me and the amount of time I spend with the kids. Talk about a Win Win Win!

So here is to more of everything I love to do in 2022!

Borzak · Dec 18, 2021

Don't know if it's the holidays or my girlfriend just lost it. Started dropping hints about marriage. Another friend of mine is also a nurse and suggested she must have the "mercy" syndrome where one day she's gonna break my legs and chain me down to the bed.

Captain Suave · Dec 18, 2021

Oblio said:
What I do know is that there is a positive correlation between my wife's physical attraction to me and the amount of time I spend with the kids. Talk about a Win Win Win!

True for me, too. I have a sole proprietorship and I get a lot more, erm, attention from the wife when I'm under-employed and get to spend more time with the kids and pick up household duties, despite not being nearly as financially productive. I like my wife all the time and my kids most of the time, so I can't complain.

Cutlery · Dec 19, 2021

Oblio said:
Work to live versus live to work. Also, you sound like a staunch supporter of UBI ... or at least a strong candidate for the pilot program.

I dunno if I'm missing something here, but I'm about the least likely guy to support or take handouts of any form. I don't want them, I don't need them, and I'd just as soon move into the woods with an axe and a rifle than ask anyone for anything.

I grew up self sufficient and learned that relying on other people only makes you disappointed. All I do now is make sure that I live far enough below my means that I don't ever need to worry about money and can continue working when I want to work rather than chase the almighty dollar. Capitalism is great and brings a lot of opportunities, but I care more about living life than I do about building wealth.

I don't live paycheck to paycheck. That's enough for me. I don't need a million dollars to be happy. I just need enough that I can buy what I want and never have to worry about it. That's exactly where I'm at.

Omi43221 · Dec 19, 2021

Cutlery said:
I dunno if I'm missing something here, but I'm about the least likely guy to support or take handouts of any form. I don't want them, I don't need them, and I'd just as soon move into the woods with an axe and a rifle than ask anyone for anything.

I grew up self sufficient and learned that relying on other people only makes you disappointed. All I do now is make sure that I live far enough below my means that I don't ever need to worry about money and can continue working when I want to work rather than chase the almighty dollar. Capitalism is great and brings a lot of opportunities, but I care more about living life than I do about building wealth.

I don't live paycheck to paycheck. That's enough for me. I don't need a million dollars to be happy. I just need enough that I can buy what I want and never have to worry about it. That's exactly where I'm at.

Are you going to be there at 75 when you might have to retire? I'm not criticizing, I know I'm not but it should be something you are aware of and concerned about.

Cutlery · Dec 19, 2021

Omi43221 said:
Are you going to be there at 75 when you might have to retire? I'm not criticizing, I know I'm not but it should be something you are aware of and concerned about.

I'm afraid I don't follow this conversation anymore.

At first, I thought this was some dig on me for not wanting to spend my life climbing the corporate ladder, and assuming I must need public assistance. I don't, and I'm doing fine.

Now, there's apparently the insinuation that I'm not planning for retirement. That is also not the case.

You can have enough money to live comfortably and set yourself up for the future and not want to spend more time than necessary at work.

Oblio · Dec 29, 2021

Cutlery said:
I'm afraid I don't follow this conversation anymore.

At first, I thought this was some dig on me for not wanting to spend my life climbing the corporate ladder, and assuming I must need public assistance. I don't, and I'm doing fine.

Now, there's apparently the insinuation that I'm not planning for retirement. That is also not the case.

You can have enough money to live comfortably and set yourself up for the future and not want to spend more time than necessary at work.

Been meaning to reply, sorry Holidays etc.

I was simply going for the joke, but I was also half serious, it was no knock on you.

...more time for what I want to do. More time playing guitar, more time with my SO, my kids, my dogs. More time at the range working on my marksmanship. More time working with tools and creating things.

This line is what I was referring to, UBI "in theory" would take care of all you basic needs and thus allow you to do all those things quoted above, with an emphasis on "creating things."

The one time I heard Yang explain it on JRE my biggest take away was it would allow creators to create and your post made me think of it. Sorry I did not not provide more context.

Not here to debate the merits of UBI, I am not exactly for it but neither am I really against it. I just haven't given it much thought. I would also need all the details of the program to be able really form an opinion.

Oblio · Dec 29, 2021

Zaara any updates?

Cutlery · Dec 29, 2021

Oblio said:
Been meaning to reply, sorry Holidays etc.

I was simply going for the joke, but I was also half serious, it was no knock on you.

This line is what I was referring to, UBI "in theory" would take care of all you basic needs and thus allow you to do all those things quoted above, with an emphasis on "creating things."

The one time I heard Yang explain it on JRE my biggest take away was it would allow creators to create and your post made me think of it. Sorry I did not not provide more context.

Not here to debate the merits of UBI, I am not exactly for it but neither am I really against it. I just haven't given it much thought. I would also need all the details of the program to be able really form an opinion.

Oh, yeah. I am not interested in anything being handed to me. I am simply a fan of living below my means, so that I don't HAVE to work.

So many dudes at work buy $70,000 trucks and shit. Why. What the fuck. Then they're just living here, working 60-84 hours a week. Fucking why. No thanks. I did that shit when I HAD to after my divorce, but I in no way want to live that way. As soon as I got shit straightened out and the ex paid off and the house refinanced, now I am back to being able to work when I want to work. I still gotta do 40 hours, but I don't have to do 60.

Even if I do end up not working, I will just sell the house, buy some land, bank the money, build a shack and a sauna and my only expenses will be bullets and chainsaw gas. Fuck it.

Live simple.

Zaara · Dec 30, 2021

Oblio said:
Zaara any updates?

Not much yet. Apnea machine hasn't been acquired yet, waiting on a follow-up appt with his sleep doc. Shit's pretty much the same as it was written.

Been very distracted with work which makes it so the more active/obsessive 'work on relationship' notions fall by the wayside. More success = more hours in this current stage of my career so I'm topping out around 50-60 hrs a week of tattoo-related work. Doesn't leave much time for housework and errands but I've been keeping it pretty livable...with his bits of help, which I go out of my way to thank/encourage him for when he throws a load of laundry downstairs or does a few dishes. Good stuff.

Everybody's making an effort at patient this stage of the game. Anniversary's on New Years Eve but not sure if we're gonna 'celebrate' it or if I'll even make a mention of it. Been very careful about being clear he's not tied down here in the same kind of ways he was before. There's been a fundamental shift in the relationship that I think is more healthy/truthful, on my end at the very least. Healthy, truthful, but not exactly a return to blind limerence. Attached as a matter of chosen circumstance, but without expectation.

Fucker · Dec 31, 2021

Cutlery said:
Yeah, this is the way I interpret it too.

I've had a path opened to me at work for the last couple of years...a path to an easier life, but more corporate bullshit. The company hasn't exactly been falling over backwards for me, so it's just getting tiring. I had ambition to pursue this at one point, but the longer this goes on, the more I see it as a waste of time.

In the end, no one is going to remember me as a fantastic supervisor, manager, director, executive or anything else. The people at work don't matter and they don't care about you. It's going to be a much more fulfilling life if I choose to focus on people who do matter as opposed to people who don't. Top at that list of people that matter is me. I want to make something and do something that will outlast me. Nothing you do in a professional setting will outlast me. Everyone thinks they're irreplaceable at their job, but we've all seen irreplaceable people leave and life continues as normal.

This is why I want a job with less bullshit, which leaves more time for what I want to do. More time playing guitar, more time with my SO, my kids, my dogs. More time at the range working on my marksmanship. More time working with tools and creating things. Those are the things that last. In 100 years, no one is going to remember who I am at work, but in 100 years, my grandchildren will hand down furniture I made to their children.

Passion doesn't need to be the flame of love. It can just be the flame for living, instead of merely existing.

I was cofounder of a company that we started at exactly the right time and right place, and it got big really fast. We sold it, and it has since been folded into other companies twice. There is nothing left of the original company except names on legal documents sitting in storage somewhere. I doubt any of the current employees even know the name of the original company....and it hasn't even been that long, all things considered.

A friend of mine had a big law firm, and he was well liked in the community; always giving back and doing pro bono stuff. He had a swank office, too. Got cancer and died at 60, and now nothing is left of his firm and he's all but forgotten. I have another friend who is my age, also owns his own law firm, and the trappings of money are so deep into him that he's going to be working until he drops dead. He was two weeks of vacation every year, and that is his only downtime. What's the point?

Climbing corporate ladder and killing yourself to make someone else wealthy is for the birds. It's all politics anyway, and you are one merger away from losing the promotion you are due...or even losing your job altogether.

Time is the only currency we have that has any real value; everything else is just fluff.

Izo · Dec 31, 2021

Fucker said:
Time is the only currency we have that has any real value; everything else is just fluff.

So you're saying all the money you made selling your company isn't the basis of your current state of mind? Send me your equity by btc, and let's have this discussion again.

Cad · Dec 31, 2021

Zaara said:
Not much yet. Apnea machine hasn't been acquired yet, waiting on a follow-up appt with his sleep doc. Shit's pretty much the same as it was written.

Been very distracted with work which makes it so the more active/obsessive 'work on relationship' notions fall by the wayside. More success = more hours in this current stage of my career so I'm topping out around 50-60 hrs a week of tattoo-related work. Doesn't leave much time for housework and errands but I've been keeping it pretty livable...with his bits of help, which I go out of my way to thank/encourage him for when he throws a load of laundry downstairs or does a few dishes. Good stuff.

Everybody's making an effort at patient this stage of the game. Anniversary's on New Years Eve but not sure if we're gonna 'celebrate' it or if I'll even make a mention of it. Been very careful about being clear he's not tied down here in the same kind of ways he was before. There's been a fundamental shift in the relationship that I think is more healthy/truthful, on my end at the very least. Healthy, truthful, but not exactly a return to blind limerence. Attached as a matter of chosen circumstance, but without expectation.

Blind limerance... good word, learned something today, thanks.

Cad · Dec 31, 2021

Izo said:
So you're saying all the money you made selling your company isn't the basis of your current state of mind? Send me your equity by btc, and let's have this discussion again.

He's not talking about current happiness he's talking about what you are doing with your life. People think they are building a legacy or something that will last, but reality is nobody cares about you or your legacy, and that is all in your mind. He's not talking about being poor, he's talking about once you are X rich, beyond that it doesn't matter and all you're doing is enriching your heirs or other people, because you should be spending the limited time you have in life to... enjoy your life.

Oblio · Dec 31, 2021

Cad said:
Blind limerance... good word, learned something today, thanks.

All this time I thought you were some High Brow Lawyer /smh.

Fucking Pleb!

Hoss · Jan 1, 2022

Zaara said:
Not much yet. Apnea machine hasn't been acquired yet, waiting on a follow-up appt with his sleep doc. Shit's pretty much the same as it was written.

When he gets the machine, have him wear it while watching TV. I was told nobody sleeps with it the entire night the first night. But I used it on the couch for a few hours to get used to it and then I wore it all night. The difference the next morning was impossible to ignore. I wore it all night from there on out despite the fact that for the first decade I'd wake up feeling like I was smashed in the face with a 2x4. The sleep quality made it worthwhile.

Until he gets the machine, has he tried a mouthpiece? It's nowhere near as good as a machine, but it does keep your jaw forward which helps stop your air passage from being blocked.

Also, I had some generalized comments about you being one of those girls who is driven to fix broken men. But I couldn't decide if it was a negative or positive comment. Seems like they often wind up sad, but it's hard to be negative about someone with that kind of heart. I guess as long as you don't let him abuse you there's no need for an intervention on that front.

Hoss · Jan 1, 2022

Oblio said:
All this time I thought you were some High Brow Lawyer /smh.

Fucking Pleb!

He's higher brow than me. I googled that shit and still can't figure out what it means.

Curtains? That makes no sense in this context.

Arative · Jan 1, 2022

Hoss said:
When he gets the machine, have him wear it while watching TV. I was told nobody sleeps with it the entire night the first night. But I used it on the couch for a few hours to get used to it and then I wore it all night. The difference the next morning was impossible to ignore. I wore it all night from there on out despite the fact that for the first decade I'd wake up feeling like I was smashed in the face with a 2x4. The sleep quality made it worthwhile.

Until he gets the machine, has he tried a mouthpiece? It's nowhere near as good as a machine, but it does keep your jaw forward which helps stop your air passage from being blocked.

Also, I had some generalized comments about you being one of those girls who is driven to fix broken men. But I couldn't decide if it was a negative or positive comment. Seems like they often wind up sad, but it's hard to be negative about someone with that kind of heart. I guess as long as you don't let him abuse you there's no need for an intervention on that front.

I had to turn off the ramp up feature on my CPAP machine. I need it full blast to start with.

I never had a problem wearing mine. The first night I wore it, I woke up feeling great in the morning and have been hooked ever since.

Hoss · Jan 1, 2022

Arative said:
I had to turn off the ramp up feature on my CPAP machine. I need it full blast to start with.

I never had a problem wearing mine. The first night I wore it, I woke up feeling great in the morning and have been hooked ever since.

Same with the ramp. I feel like I'm suffocating if it doesn't ramp up immediately because I have to work harder to suck in the breath than if I didn't have the mask on at all.

Once I started on it, the only times I ever didn't wear it were
1. Too drunk to get to bed
2. Travelling. I used to just use a mouthpiece for travelling and it worked fairly well.

But since then I've picked up backup machines that I travel with. I had a special travel machine that was baller as fuck. Compact, had a hard case, and it actually works better than my main machine. But it was recalled.

Lendarios · Jan 1, 2022

Best of lucks

Zaara .

Happy new year everyone!!

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