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So it looks like every other central/south American town/country?
Got it, thanks for the update.
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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
Got it, thanks for the update.
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The point being, rural China is helluva lot safer than most of rural Latin areas. Only downside is probably a lack of good emergency services, but whatever. I’ve been to Cuba and the Caribbean before. I wouldn’t go too far off the grid there. Havana felt incredibly safe.
Rural China is orders of magnitude safer than rural Latin America. Her family lives about one hour outside of a city of millions (not a famous one by western standards, Fuyang.)
Rural China is orders of magnitude safer than rural Latin America. Her family lives about one hour outside of a city of millions (not a famous one by western standards, Fuyang.)
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Other than them fawning over you I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest. Asia isn't dangerous like South America or the Caribbean, even when they are dirt poor. You'll be totally fine.
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What's a reasonable expectation to have of the opposite sex wrt sexual "participation"? I'm mainly looking for actions, verbal, physical, written, don't care, that shows that they're thinking of you.
I've adopted many of my wife's kinks. I'll think about them unprompted. I'll think about doing them with her. My porn viewing habits have changed over the years. I used to be very conversive with her, suggesting ideas, telling her I wanted to do this or that. I've pretty much stopped because it felt like a one way street. There was rarely any reciprocation. None of my kinks have rubbed off on her. She very rarely tells me she wants to do something that she knows we both enjoy, and it's usually only after I prompt her. I'll admit that isn't great to ask "hey, what do you want to do for sex?", but I'm not getting anything out of her otherwise.
Few days ago she comes home after a week vacation with her friend. I had spent the week working and taking care of our kid. I figured if she was going to come back recharged and wanting to do stuff, it would be then. Nothing. We had "oh, we're both going to bed at the same time, want something quick?" sex. It was fun, especially after not seeing each other for a week. But we frequently go more than a week without sex. It was fucking just to get off, not sexual intercourse, so to speak. I feel like that's important for a relationship.
We just discussed this and she told me, paraphrasing, that she was horny, just pick something, she trusts me. Have I overcompensated?
I've adopted many of my wife's kinks. I'll think about them unprompted. I'll think about doing them with her. My porn viewing habits have changed over the years. I used to be very conversive with her, suggesting ideas, telling her I wanted to do this or that. I've pretty much stopped because it felt like a one way street. There was rarely any reciprocation. None of my kinks have rubbed off on her. She very rarely tells me she wants to do something that she knows we both enjoy, and it's usually only after I prompt her. I'll admit that isn't great to ask "hey, what do you want to do for sex?", but I'm not getting anything out of her otherwise.
Few days ago she comes home after a week vacation with her friend. I had spent the week working and taking care of our kid. I figured if she was going to come back recharged and wanting to do stuff, it would be then. Nothing. We had "oh, we're both going to bed at the same time, want something quick?" sex. It was fun, especially after not seeing each other for a week. But we frequently go more than a week without sex. It was fucking just to get off, not sexual intercourse, so to speak. I feel like that's important for a relationship.
We just discussed this and she told me, paraphrasing, that she was horny, just pick something, she trusts me. Have I overcompensated?
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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That doesn't sound too far off from me and my wife. We play the "how do you want to do it" game and I can't get her to talk dirty or give me handies. She'll start a handjob and just put it in her mouth and I'm like "goddammit woman that's not what I wanted. No, of course don't stop, but dammit!" Same thing happens after trips. We're both horny when I get home from a trip but for reasons we're still trying to figure out, we sometimes don't fuck for a couple days. I attribute a lot of that to being old people who have to get up early.
It sounds like what she really wants is for you to be in control. I can't tell from that post if she's a pleaser or a taker, but if she's a pleaser then just telling her that you want her to take control sometimes might help. My wife is a pleaser in bed but she rarely wants to call the shots even when I ask her to. Our problem is that we're both pleasers. Once we were conscious of that we both started making more effort to take charge.
Does she love it when you just fuck her without having a committee meeting about it first? That's what I'm going to do when I get back from this current trip. The trick will be to make sure I don't piss her off before I get home. She gets moody when she's been without sex for too long.
It sounds like what she really wants is for you to be in control. I can't tell from that post if she's a pleaser or a taker, but if she's a pleaser then just telling her that you want her to take control sometimes might help. My wife is a pleaser in bed but she rarely wants to call the shots even when I ask her to. Our problem is that we're both pleasers. Once we were conscious of that we both started making more effort to take charge.
Does she love it when you just fuck her without having a committee meeting about it first? That's what I'm going to do when I get back from this current trip. The trick will be to make sure I don't piss her off before I get home. She gets moody when she's been without sex for too long.
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She does like that. She won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure she likes rape fantasies. The problem is that without the "committee", I have problems reading clues that that's what she wants. If those clues were there, I'd count that as participation. I'll admit I might be a dumbass and missing some clues. But, if she came to me later, called me a dumbass, and said I missed XYZ, I wouldn't be here.
She's a sub to a T, and I think she's gotten it in her head that means she can't be forward or proactive at all.
She's a sub to a T, and I think she's gotten it in her head that means she can't be forward or proactive at all.
Ishad
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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I have similar experiences to both of you guys. I think as we get older life stresses simply start to edge out libido gratification to some degree. Most of my sex is on weekend mornings when we're both rested and not thinking about job/morning meetings/kids/etc.
As far as participation in sex, I've never been with a woman who doesn't get turned on by an assertive partner who initiates sex without begging or discussing too much. As long as you're attentive and interested in her experience, it'll be pretty obvious where the line is that you're going somewhere she's not into. You just have to project that you're super into her specifically and not be scary/creepy about it. It sounds like it would be a relief to both of you.
As far as participation in sex, I've never been with a woman who doesn't get turned on by an assertive partner who initiates sex without begging or discussing too much. As long as you're attentive and interested in her experience, it'll be pretty obvious where the line is that you're going somewhere she's not into. You just have to project that you're super into her specifically and not be scary/creepy about it. It sounds like it would be a relief to both of you.
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Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
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Women want men to lead, news at 11!
Women are horrible at making decisions and want a man who will A. Do it "for" them and B. Make the "right" decision. In terms of, "How am I supposed to know?!". Guess what, she wants you to just "get it" - to inherently just "know" what the answer is. That's where picking up on women's covert communication style comes in.
Does it suck? Kinda. Is it annoying? Fucking A it is. But, that's the hand you're dealt by having a dick. Sure, it's great to have a partner who is far more assertive/overt about what she wants in the bedroom. However, in my experience, those types of women are GREAT in the bedroom, but complete fucking psychos to deal with regularly.
OU Ariakas
Diet Dr. Pepper Enjoyer
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Divorce inc!!
Just kidding, when my wife is out of town on business I always end up falling asleep in our media room because I can finally watch whatever the fuck I want.
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Many women are a lot more passive in terms of what they want or don't want like this. It's the same old "where do you want to go eat?" "Anywhere, you pick!" ... "What the fuck? Not there." thing. They want you to do what you want, but they want it to be what they want. And they won't tell you what they want.
If you're in that situation, I think you just have to enjoy it for what it is and not overthink it - does she like sex? Does she seem to enjoy it? Does she ask for it if you aren't showing that its going to happen?
Also you might keep trying things until you find what she DOES like. It may be nothing and it may be a situation where there is nothing she is particularly interested in... like I'm not going to find a WWE wrestler that makes me love wrestling. I could watch it if my wife wanted, but I'm not going to give a shit. Sex might be like that for her. In which case trying to "make" her enjoy it is just going to bring you misery.
Tough situation but I'd explore it and see what you can figure out with the above questions, don't push her, just explore and try things until you find HER kink, not yours. Then work that kink until you build some pent up demand for your services.
Alternatively, give her weed, MDMA, LSD, alcohol, whatever works and just fuck her brains out the way you want. I mean, you do you.
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I'd like to say I know my wife's kinks very well. Though, I'll admit, I'm not too familiar with the sub/dom dynamic outside what I've gleaned from my wife. Perhaps there some user error on my part.
Fair point on her just not being interested on some things. I don't begrudge anyone that, preferences are subjective, just sucks not to be able to share and experience some stuff.
I have some rough ideas from the suggestions and feedback here. As someone mentioned previously, I'm a pleaser wrt sex, so taking control in a somewhat forceful manner is a bit anathema. At least, on the surface level. I have no problems actually doing it, it's one of my wife's kinks that I like. Just gotta get confirmation that she's in the mood for that. That's where it falls apart.
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Definitely not being an asshole here and don't take it that way, but if she's reacting the way you're saying, I would say you have not discovered her kinks yet.
That's okay, and thats more on her than you - because only she knows what it is in her head and what gives her those tingly feelings of arousal, and if she isn't communicating that to you, you aren't a mind reader.
I would also caution you that kinks are way more than some infantile bondage/submission/dominant stuff. Those are more for people who get off on control/power dynamics, which in my mind is not common. Now that I put myself on the spot, I don't know what categories to suggest, but I'd just think about it. And talk to her about it.
Doesn't have to be forceful, but also you might just need to come to terms with, this is the extent of her enjoyment with sex, I will work with that and find my own fun within that universe. It might save you a lot of soul-searching and frustration trying to make it more than it is.
Same, but I've discovered that a little physical assertiveness IS what pleases some women. YMMV.
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I’m currently eating lunch with three Chinese women including the girlfriend and one of their daughters who is like 12. She’s the only one that speaks fluent English. For a solid 8 minutes they kept pointing at me while the kid occasionally translated questions for me.
This included lots of laughing and saying “you look like not a bad guy” and “we are all lions, you were born in lamb year, we eat you.”
edit:
dear god, it’s 2 pm and they’re trying to find a karaoke place that’s open. I haven’t had enough drinks for this.
This included lots of laughing and saying “you look like not a bad guy” and “we are all lions, you were born in lamb year, we eat you.”
edit:
dear god, it’s 2 pm and they’re trying to find a karaoke place that’s open. I haven’t had enough drinks for this.
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