Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Hoss · Feb 21, 2023

Cutlery said:
I think all your fudd advice in the gun thread is all I need to know about your advice here.

The future is now, old man. The world we live in is not the same as the one we got married in. The only difference is that I know what it is now, and your wife has yet to clean you out.

We have a murder pact in place. When the time comes to end this, one of us will kill the other. Divorce is not an option.

BTW a bangmaid is not the future. We were doing that shit 40 years ago.

Fucker · Feb 21, 2023

TIL: Hoss starts drinking before noon.

Tarrant · Feb 21, 2023

I for sure would at least have the “this will never happen, if you need that you aren’t going to get it from me and in no uncertain terms will that change” conversation.

Borzak · Feb 21, 2023

I was deathly afraid of divorce forever. For the longest time my long time girlfriend and I put off marriage. She wouldn't sign a prenup and we just went on. The only thing I wanted to protect in the prenup was land I now owned that had been in the family that was an original land grant when the republic was formed. Making things 10x worse is her dad was a "land man" which in TX in a lot of ways means con artist, not all but a fair number. He kept bringing the topic up. That's what he did, watched obits. talked to lots of people and make bottom dollar offers to out of state relatives that now had the land "to make things easy on them", did the same with mineral rights and such.

Phazael · Feb 21, 2023

Hoss said:
We have a murder pact in place. When the time comes to end this, one of us will kill the other. Divorce is not an option.

BTW a bangmaid is not the future. We were doing that shit 40 years ago.

This is the German way. No history of divorce in my entire family. Someone has to die. Those are the fucking rules. And I honestly don't care if its me at this point, reading this thread and seeing what the dating world is like.

Phazael · Feb 21, 2023

On topic, I think Gavin is actually giving the best advice here. She sounds nice and you seem to give a shit about her. Honesty is the best course here and let the chips fall where they may.

Arbitrary · Feb 21, 2023

CaughtCross said:
A big streamer is going through this now. XQC is a huge streamer, makes millions a year etc. His ex girlfriend he broke up with last year is trying to claim common law marriage on him to get a pay day and it is going through the courts right now.

He's popular enough that and content creators are always looking for shit to talk about so going to be a whole fucking ton of young dudes getting introduced to this shit for the first time.

Khane · Feb 21, 2023

Phazael said:
On topic, I think Gavin is actually giving the best advice here. She sounds nice and you seem to give a shit about her. Honesty is the best course here and let the chips fall where they may.

Are you sure trying to tell a guy who literally is only concerned about how the chips will fall to just... let them fall where they may as if that's reasonable?

Cuz... I'm exactly like him and lol... no.

Marriage brings uncertainty that is overwhelming, and undeniable. And like he already said... that's something only young, naive, stupid people can deal with as they try to build a life together. Because they have nothing to lose.

A smart man I admire once gave me a great piece of advice. The only difference between a liberal and a conservative is that everyone is liberal until they have something to conserve.

Cutlery · Feb 21, 2023

Khane said:
Are you sure trying to tell a guy who literally is only concerned about how the chips will fall to just... let them fall where they may as if that's reasonable?

Cuz... I'm exactly like him and lol... no.

Marriage brings uncertainty that is overwhelming, and undeniable. And like he already said... that's something only young, naive, stupid people can deal with as they try to build a life together. Because they have nothing to lose.

A smart man I admire once gave me a great piece of advice. The only difference between a liberal and a conservative is that everyone is liberal until they have something to conserve.

That's exactly it.

When I got married, I was 19. I was making $9.00 an hour. I shared a 2BR with a dude I went to school with. Getting married was a bonus - it provided me with some help getting my life in order. We had a family, bought a house, upgraded our lives.

I'm 43. My kids are 21 and 11. It's my name on the house. I make about 85k. My pension and my house should cover my retirement needs.

Which part of this should I risk to get the government involved in my relationship?

Hoss · Feb 21, 2023

Tarrant said:
I for sure would at least have the “this will never happen, if you need that you aren’t going to get it from me and in no uncertain terms will that change” conversation.

If you do that she will think in the back of her mind that she can wear him down. The talk will do no good.

Phazael said:
you seem to give a shit about her.

If he did then he wouldn't only care about how a relationship would benefit him. He'd see making her happy as a benefit in itself. That may not be enough to overcome the negatives and tie the knot again, but he was totally dismissive of her reasons in that initial post. He's so oblivious that he thinks she's upset at her own inability to come up with a good answer when she's clearly upset at him dismissing her desires as unimportant. That's why he's going to keep stringing her along until she's old, wrinkled, and bitter.

Cutlery · Feb 21, 2023

How come you don't give 100% of your income to charity? Don't you care about anything? These are really important causes. It's super important that you give up everything to support them.

You don't do it because you've gotta take care of the shit you need to take care of first. You've gotta take care of the people you're obligated to take care of.

I fail to see how taking care of my own interests means I can't care about someone else. What a fucking ridiculous strawman you've created here.

Chanur · Feb 21, 2023

Cutlery said:
Been divorced for just about 4 and a half years. The GF moved in with me about 3 years ago. Now she's starting to ask about getting married and my answer is pretty simple. It's a "how does that benefit me?" And she's getting pretty upset at her lack of ability to come up with an answer.

"I just want a commitment that we can take our relationship to the next level!"

Sure, I guess. But since everyone has the right to change their mind, these commitments mean nothing. Since they mean nothing, why get the government involved in my relationship?

"If something happens to you, I am just out on my ass!"

First of all, no. The house goes to my daughter, but she ain't gonna throw you out. It's a 5 bedroom house, I'm sure there's room for both of you while you grieve, and eventually you'll move on, and she'll have what she's supposed to have.

"We are building a life together!"

No. I built my life already. I had kids already. I bought a house already. I set myself up already. You are coming into this with...what? Admittedly, excellent cooking skills, and a submissive mindset, but that's about it. Why the fuck do you think we are building a life? You had your 20s to build a life, and now you're pushing 40 and panicking because I won't put a ring on it.

This is all coming 2 weeks after my sister's relationship ended in the most hilarious way possible. They were "married", as in, they had a ceremony, but did no paperwork. My sister owns the house, he pays her. She gets a call on lunch one day from a company asking for a rental reference for her "tenant."

Tenant? You mean my husband?

She calls him immediately and gets a "oh, uhh, I was planning to stick around until I found a place." And she said "either you can call your mom, or I will."

And what's the first thing everyone told her?

"Thank God you weren't actually married"

I'm really confused why she's so upset I won't marry her in light of all of this.

Don't marry her just because she wants too. Fuck that.

Srathor · Feb 21, 2023

Just remember when you pay for a whore, it is not for them to fuck you. It is for them to go home again no strings attached.

Chanur · Feb 21, 2023

Kaines said:
If only there were some kind of legal agreements that two people could enter into prior to marriage to outline what would happen in the event the marriage didn't work out.

Oh well... I guess we can all dream.

If only these were always honored by the courts.

Hoss · Feb 24, 2023

Cutlery said:
How come you don't give 100% of your income to charity? Don't you care about anything? These are really important causes. It's super important that you give up everything to support them.

You don't do it because you've gotta take care of the shit you need to take care of first. You've gotta take care of the people you're obligated to take care of.

I fail to see how taking care of my own interests means I can't care about someone else. What a fucking ridiculous strawman you've created here.

Great analogy. Because I don't give a fuck about charities just like you don't give a fuck about her. I do, however, give 100% to my marriage. I'm sad for her that she fell for a sociopath.

moonarchia · Feb 24, 2023

Hoss said:
Great analogy. Because I don't give a fuck about charities just like you don't give a fuck about her. I do, however, give 100% to my marriage. I'm sad for her that she fell for a sociopath.

Dude, as long as he isn't leading her on about it it's two adults and everyone's life is different.

Cutlery Don't give her a ring or anything else that will give the image of marriage. That will give her grounds to take everything from your kids by way of common law marriage. At this point you have already crossed the Rubicon in government involvement in your relationship just by letting her move in. The rest is just window dressing at this point. If you really want to protect yourself and your kids you need to get some sort of legal documentation (just googled it, cohabitation agreement) defining your relationship and its boundaries, expectations, and responsibilities or you can expect you or your kids to have to deal with it in court if things go south.

Gavinmad · Feb 24, 2023

moonarchia said:
Dude, as long as he isn't leading her on about it it's two adults and everyone's life is different.

Cutlery Don't give her a ring or anything else that will give the image of marriage. That will give her grounds to take everything from your kids by way of common law marriage. At this point you have already crossed the Rubicon in government involvement in your relationship just by letting her move in. The rest is just window dressing at this point. If you really want to protect yourself and your kids you need to get some sort of legal documentation (just googled it, cohabitation agreement) defining your relationship and its boundaries, expectations, and responsibilities or you can expect you or your kids to have to deal with it in court if things go south.

How hard is it to do a search on the status of common law marriage in Minnesota before offering advice? Or paying enough attention to the conversation to see that it's already been brought up 2-3 times?

moonarchia · Feb 24, 2023

Gavinmad said:
How hard is it to do a search on the status of common law marriage in Minnesota before offering advice? Or paying enough attention to the conversation to see that it's already been brought up 2-3 times?

Obviously rather hard.

Kirun · Feb 24, 2023

Cutlery said:
I am 100% prepared for her to walk over this. I know it's a distinct possibility.

However, when I say that to her, she usually comes back with "I don't wanna walk. I know what I've got, I enjoy my life with you."

Great. Then stop this silly word nonsense, and let's just do what we're doing. What do you want? A ring? I can buy you a fucking ring.

But I don't see why the government needs to get involved. It kinda makes sense when you're young and starting a family. You're working together, having kids, buying a house, all that. This ain't that. I've got kids. I'm fixed, I'm not having more. I've got a house. I've got my life. And if you leave....well, I still have all that because it's fucking mine.

And that's the way it needs to stay.

Holy fuck. Are we dating the same woman? Your story is almost verbatim of what I've been dealing with with my girlfriend of 5 1/2 years.

One thing I really admire about her is her persistence, but there's zero fucking chance I'm getting married.

McQueen · Feb 24, 2023

Cutlery said:
The GF moved in with me about 3 years ago. Now she's starting to ask about getting married

Kirun said:
Holy fuck. Are we dating the same woman? Your story is almost verbatim of what I've been dealing with with my girlfriend of 5 1/2 years.

One thing I really admire about her is her persistence, but there's zero fucking chance I'm getting married.

That wore off mine after 7ish years, so there’s always hope. It also helps that all of her bitchy friends that got married ended up miserable or divorced.

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