Marriage and the Power of Divorce

mkopec

mkopec

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fifey_sl said:
While it's nice to have compnay, I also feel drained by constant interaction since I love solitude(gogo introverts). She couldn't understand it and wouldn't take my advice on what I needed, until I'd blow up in her then I'd explain again that I needed space and she'd give it to me for a bit then slowly start smothering me until I blew up again.
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Thats one thing that I love about my wife. Im similar to you that I like my alone time and she always understood this. It also helps that she is early to bed type (10PM) and I usually stay up til like 2AM. Plenty of "me" time.
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
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Tarrant_sl said:
I posted awhile ago back I pulled the trigger on things, no one ever replied or asked anymore about it.
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Maybe it was buried in some shitposting, I didn't see it either. Holy crap man, thats huge! Give us the deets.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Tarrant_sl said:
When my kids were in town to celebrate Christmas she did her normal thing of staying in the bedroom during their visit and I told the kids she just had a migraine. When I went to the bedroom to ask if she wanted to go shopping with me to get the kids a few gifts I still had to pick up she was irritable with me. I asked her what was wrong, I just wanted to see if she wanted to go with me to get the kids some things.

She yelled at me "They aren't my kids, they never will be my kids and I don't give a shit about them!"

She either didn't see or didn't care, but my son was behind me with a "get well" card he made her that morning that he was going to give her. At that point he slinked away, went out to the living room and tore the card up and he and my daughter cried for half an hour. My son then said he didn't want anything to do with her anymore and in my mind, that was that.
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You sure you posted that? I definitely don't remember anything like that. Sucks man
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
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Tarrant_sl said:
When my kids were in town to celebrate Christmas she did her normal thing of staying in the bedroom during their visit and I told the kids she just had a migraine. When I went to the bedroom to ask if she wanted to go shopping with me to get the kids a few gifts I still had to pick up she was irritable with me. I asked her what was wrong, I just wanted to see if she wanted to go with me to get the kids some things.

She yelled at me "They aren't my kids, they never will be my kids and I don't give a shit about them!"

She either didn't see or didn't care, but my son was behind me with a "get well" card he made her that morning that he was going to give her. At that point he slinked away, went out to the living room and tore the card up and he and my daughter cried for half an hour. My son then said he didn't want anything to do with her anymore and in my mind, that was that.
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That is fucked up. She deserved to get left for that.
 
T

Tenks

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Tarrant_sl said:
When my kids were in town to celebrate Christmas she did her normal thing of staying in the bedroom during their visit and I told the kids she just had a migraine. When I went to the bedroom to ask if she wanted to go shopping with me to get the kids a few gifts I still had to pick up she was irritable with me. I asked her what was wrong, I just wanted to see if she wanted to go with me to get the kids some things.

She yelled at me "They aren't my kids, they never will be my kids and I don't give a shit about them!"

She either didn't see or didn't care, but my son was behind me with a "get well" card he made her that morning that he was going to give her. At that point he slinked away, went out to the living room and tore the card up and he and my daughter cried for half an hour. My son then said he didn't want anything to do with her anymore and in my mind, that was that.
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Thats pretty heart breaking Tarrent. It sounds like you had to cut it off there isn't anything to repair that kind of mindset.
 
Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Maybe we just thought you meant you shot her, so didn't really pry. Hopefully things will be better for you and your kids now.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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Tenks_sl said:
Thats pretty heart breaking Tarrent. It sounds like you had to cut it off there isn't anything to repair that kind of mindset.
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Yeah, the heartbreak in trying to comfort two children who looked to someone...not at their mother, but a mother figure and had that shattered the way it was it something I'm still not able to comfortably talk about. It's probably why I didn't go into detail at the time.
 
Haast

Haast

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mkopec_sl said:
Honestly If shit between my wife and I went south , its the last thing I would be doing is looking for another LTR, lol.
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I personally view marriage as establishing permanence to raise a family. If two adults want to have a relationship sans children, I don't see the point in putting a formal contract on it such that lawyers and the state need to dissolve it if you no longer want to be together. I'm sure there are plenty of holes in this argument, so feel free to turn it to swiss cheese. It's my feeling on the matter and I do want kids.

You've had the kids you plan to have and they are old enough to understand what's up, right mkopec? Were I in your hypothetical shoes, I would probably be skeptical of getting married. However, I would still be ok with a LTR.

Tenks_sl said:
Yeah if it was up to my wife we would have just gotten married in a court house with our immediate family. Unfortuantely I felt that was a touch selfish since she is her mother's only daughter and my mom absolutely loves weddings as well and she only has two children. So I sucked it up and went with the big (ish, it was still only like 120 people) wedding. It sucks planning it and everything but I don't regret the decision.
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I greatly regret having done a larger wedding, but then again my marriage was a mistake and I personally footed >2/3rds of the bill (with my family contributing the majority of the other part) when I would have preferred to do a small ceremony (either in the US or abroad) and an informal party after. That'll leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Current GF doesn't desire a large wedding and her family wouldn't be deadbeats. Much better situation.
 
T

Tenks

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Tarrant_sl said:
Yeah, the heartbreak in trying to comfort two children who looked to someone...not at their mother, but a mother figure and had that shattered the way it was it something I'm still not able to comfortably talk about. It's probably why I didn't go into detail at the time.
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Yeah I can only imagine how difficult that would be for the children. They're under 10 aren't they? It may be uncomfortable but I hope you talked with them that this isn't normal behavior for adults so they don't grow up with some unresolved problems there.
 
Haast

Haast

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Tarrant_sl said:
Yeah, the heartbreak in trying to comfort two children who looked to someone...not at their mother, but a mother figure and had that shattered the way it was it something I'm still not able to comfortably talk about. It's probably why I didn't go into detail at the time.
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Holy fucking shit. /brohug
 
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Picasso3

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I kinda said we should have a large traditional wedding. We made out like bandits because our parents paid for most of it and then we got tons of gift cash but Jesus is it an orchestration. Doing it again I would probably consider the wedding a small family affair and then throw a large party somewhere as a "reception" and not fuck with formal invitations. I would definitely still have an ice sculpture though that was sweet.

Fuck djs, cake cutting, bullshit photography, bullshit videography, first dances, formal invitations, renting silverware, $40 a plate catering, and alcohol catering costs.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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I just can't imagine ever getting married again if I got divorced. Lose half my shit? Pay alimony/child support? FUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT. Once would be lesson enough, you guys must be masochists.

If I get divorced I'm going on a "fucking" binge.

I'll get a dog and live in a shack in the woods.
 
BrutulTM

BrutulTM

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Maybe I'm just romantic because I've never been married but to me it seems like a lot more of a commitment to stand up in front of your family and everyone you know and say "I am committed to this person" than it is to just tell the person that. I don't like spending a ton of money though. When I lived in the city it was always shocking to me how much people spent on weddings. Around here the venues all cost less than $1000 a night and people don't expect much more than a basic meal (often provided by the ladies aid from the local church for a few hundred bucks) and a couple kegs of beer and maybe a couple cases of champagne for the toast. Add in a local band or a DJ for ~3-500 and you've got yourself a wedding. The average wedding around here probably costs $3-6k where people routinely spent $20-40k when I was in California and I'm not talking about rich people. Always seemed crazy to me. You don't wind up any more married by going into debt for your wedding, it's just showing off. Also, whoever said that having a destination wedding is a dick move was correct.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Our wedding was $20-25k but we ended up getting most of it back in gifts (75% probably). We paid in cash though, so we weren't in debt because of it.
 
Alex

Alex

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I went to a destination wedding once and it was one of the best weddings I ever went to. Stood on the beach for the ceremony. Kegs of beer and BBQ. Shit was sweet. Also since it was a destination wedding only like 25 people were there.
 
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