Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Khane

Got something right about marriage
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I have been reading a lot of /redpill stuff recently. Its eye opening. I have been reading a lot of things from therationalmale.com. Its putting shit into perspective for me. Im starting to understand some shit in life better. Hypergamy doesn't care.

Don't do this. You've been hurt and wronged by one woman, not every woman on earth. All this will do is feed confirmation bias and turn you bitter and jaded. Do not read or listen to anything the redpill movement has to say. They have bastardized some real, actual psychological studies and morphed them into this devious amalgamation of disdain for females out of their own resentment.
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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My fiance told me that she wants to get married on 10/10/2020 because it's a "cool number". I'm down for another couple years of Head of Household tax exemptions!
 

Deebo

Molten Core Raider
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Don't do this. You've been hurt and wronged by one woman, not every woman on earth. All this will do is feed confirmation bias and turn you bitter and jaded. Do not read or listen to anything the redpill movement has to say. They have bastardized some real, actual psychological studies and morphed them into this devious amalgamation of disdain for females out of their own resentment.

Oh, I can see what you are saying. I find it hard to swallow. A lot of it makes sense though. The whole alpha, beta thing for instance. The whole shit tests thing as well. The whole plate theory thing is a lot to take in. They have /marriedredpill, that's what I was looking at a lot. They are not quick to jump to the whole NEXT HER ASS thing. It's not as extreme in there.
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Don't do this. You've been hurt and wronged by one woman, not every woman on earth. All this will do is feed confirmation bias and turn you bitter and jaded. Do not read or listen to anything the redpill movement has to say. They have bastardized some real, actual psychological studies and morphed them into this devious amalgamation of disdain for females out of their own resentment.
Agree 100%. There are most definitely some salient points in the psychology of 'redpill', but it's an ideology based on low self esteem(in both sexes).
 
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Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Well, holy shit what a difference almost 3 months can make in your life! So I avoided this thread, my posts for that time. I have come back a few times and read some things here. I never went back to read my original posts. I just did go read some, and some of it was pathetic.

So here's an update. It's really long, I just want to get this shit out... I was suffering from oneitis. It fucking sucks. Do not ever do this. I wanted or marriage to work, and I was willing to make it work and forgive if she was willing to lay everything out on the table. I wanted her to put in effort to show me she was truly sorry and was willing to do whatever it takes for us to work.

I was at my wits end, I knew she had a burner phone. I knew she was still in contact with him. I wrote her an ultimatum. That was a mistake, I know now. You do not do this! She says she's terrified to tell me what i want to know. I put in there how I want her to show me the phone she has and to call and tell him shes done, and to tell me everything I wanted to know. I sent it to her on 1/23. The morning of the 26th I woke up horny and was trying to initiate sex, I realized I was being a desperate chump. So I decided I was going to not talk to her at all that day. She messaged me from work at about 1130pm and said it was weird not talking to me all day. I ignored it. So fast forward to the morning of the 27th. We had some crazy good sex. Afterwards I just kind of shut down, I didn't cuddle with her or anything. This drove her mad really fast.

She started giving me shit, and I told her flat out I was pissed off and I was over the lies. I told her I was sick of it all. She confessed about the phone. She told me she had been seeing him still. She told me she didnt go into work last Saturday to go to his Christmas work party with him, and that they had sex that night and that was the last time she had slept with him. She told me everything. He had messaged her burner phone a few times. She messaged him back saying that she had told me everything. He got all defensive, told her how its a mistake to try to work things out with me, she doesn't really love me. He loves her so much etc etc. She said I need to be with my husband. He called her and started pleading his case. She just sat and cried. Then said she had to go, and hung up. He followed up with a bunch of texts still pleading his case... I took the phone away and hid it, fuck that shit.

I told her she had to be 100% in this. She had to be 100% sure she wants our marriage or she can leave. I m done. I am done feeling like shit, im done being anxious. I'm done being hurt, walked on, lied to, cheated on. She said she knows and said she wants me and our marriage. I started feeling like we were starting to move in a good direction. ( I know...)

So last night I get home from work and shes writing in a notebook. I asked what she was doing and she said writing out some feelings I have for you. Im not sure if im going to give it to you or not. Maybe I just need to vent it out and throw it away. I said okay, and when she was done I asked if I could read it then. she said sure, but wait until the kids are in bed. She said I would want to talk about it.

So I am reading it and it starts at the beginning of our relationship. She was 16 and I had just turned 18. We were in highschool together. In hindsight it was a bad thing from the start. She had a boyfriend that lived out of state, she had visited him a couple times. So we got to fucking around, and I would always bring up her bf and basically say she needs to end it with him. She would never do it. She was talking to him on the phone every night and seeing me in person regularly. I got a townhouse with my friends and she was basically living with me at the townhouse. I told her she really needed to end it with him. One night she did. She moved in a little more permanently. Brought more clothes etc... Then we got our own apartment after our leases ended at the town house. Not too long after she got really depressed. This was ultra hard on me, and she was going through hell. That's when she started working at the video game store and eventually started fucking with the first guy, then shit rolled into the 2nd guy, and then the first guy shit came back up not too long ago, apparently he left his wife for her and all this crazy shit. She told him that she wouldn't leave me for him. He got pissed, did the shit he did, the current guy was there so she leaned on him over that shit and it escalated to what it is now.

She then talks about how shes never been away from me for 15 years and that she doesn't think she was ever actually truly in love with me. She said she wants to separate to have time apart to see how she feels being alone. So she can come to a decision on if she really loves me or whatever. That fucking hit me like a fucking truck. I started thinking about how fucking stupid I was to push and fight for our relationship over the 15 years. I was realizing I was fucking retarded. I always thought about it, but seeing it on paper and reading it made it a lot worse. I was a fucking wreck.

We have been in each other's lives for 15 years, we have 2 kids together. Its hard to think of life without her being with me, just the friendship stuff. I consider her one of my best friends and she said the same. Yes, our relationship was built on bullshit but its hard to dismiss 15 years together. We share so much and are so intertwined in life I don't really know how to get past it if that makes any sense... Of course we will always be in each others lives to some extent having to co parent.

I do not see how a separation will help anything in the end. Divorce seems like the only real option like it was so obvious to all of you. I have learned that women can never love a man the way they want to be loved. Its impossible. Men are the true romantics. Woman do not love the same way as men. I have been reading a lot of /redpill stuff recently. Its eye opening. I have been reading a lot of things from therationalmale.com. Its putting shit into perspective for me. Im starting to understand some shit in life better. Hypergamy doesn't care.
End it, asap.

And for the love of god going forward prioritize your kids, not pieces of ass.
 
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Noodleface

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No offense man but maybe it's because it's so early and I got no sleep but what the fuck did I just read.

She sounds horrible
 
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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
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I do not see how a separation will help anything in the end. Divorce seems like the only real option like it was so obvious to all of you. I have learned that women can never love a man the way they want to be loved. Its impossible. Men are the true romantics. Woman do not love the same way as men. I have been reading a lot of /redpill stuff recently. Its eye opening. I have been reading a lot of things from therationalmale.com. Its putting shit into perspective for me. Im starting to understand some shit in life better. Hypergamy doesn't care.
Don't use generalizations. It will only make you bitter against the world. This woman didn't love you like you loved her, but for every chump like you(no offense), I can show you a dude who's fucking plenty of chicks behind his woman's back. Cheating and fucking around is not a woman thing, it's just a shitty-person thing.

I agree with Phoenix, though. End it and look out for your kids.
 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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Oh, I can see what you are saying. I find it hard to swallow. A lot of it makes sense though. The whole alpha, beta thing for instance. The whole shit tests thing as well. The whole plate theory thing is a lot to take in. They have /marriedredpill, that's what I was looking at a lot. They are not quick to jump to the whole NEXT HER ASS thing. It's not as extreme in there.

Khane is right, avoid the redpill stuff when you're in the kind of vulnerable state you are right now. Like most fad psychology it has a couple valid points, but a whole load of detrimental shit tacked onto it. There are good women out there that won't treat you like shit etc
 

Ryoz

<Donor>
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I've been in your shoes. Married my high school sweetheart, ignored the glaring red flags. All it did was cause me pain and misery. Had a kid and tried so damn hard just to make things work, but I was unhappy. It doesn't matter if you envisioned a future together, or if you have kids, you can't change how she feels. You seem like an optimist but it's clouding your judgement. Get out. I was almost 30 and getting divorced with a 2 year old, and wasn't in shape or anything. It turns out, a lot of women are looking for good dudes, ones that want all the same things you do too, you just have to vet them. I remarried, have been with her now for almost 4 years, and we have twins on the way. Couldn't be happier. I'm healthier, have a better job, making more money, and loving my life. You're worth more than that. Also, ignore the fucking redpill bullshit even if it makes you feel better, it will poison your mind.
 
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Lithose

Buzzfeed Editor
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I do not see how a separation will help anything in the end. Divorce seems like the only real option like it was so obvious to all of you. I have learned that women can never love a man the way they want to be loved. Its impossible. Men are the true romantics. Woman do not love the same way as men. I have been reading a lot of /redpill stuff recently. Its eye opening. I have been reading a lot of things from therationalmale.com. Its putting shit into perspective for me. Im starting to understand some shit in life better. Hypergamy doesn't care.

Yeah, to echo what Khane said--don't do this while you're angry. This is essentially what feminists do to men too. They take a small subset of neurotic qualities endemic in some of X sex, and try to blend them over the entire gender. In reality, genders have plenty of overlap and plenty of women do not share those terrible qualities of a small handful (Even if those qualities skew heavily towards women) Or to put it another way, men are overwhelmingly serial killers and mass murderers--something in men leads them more easily down that path. However, it's pretty clear not all men are even susceptible to this. Just because its a quality found mostly in men, doesn't mean anymore than a small handful of men have it. People would be a pretty shitty judge of you if they assumed you were someone like that just because it tended to be more prevalent in your gender right? It works the same for women. As said, genders have a lot of overlap, the vast majority of women are going to be fine.

The only advice you should take from the redpill shit is focus on yourself for a while. Get in shape, focus on your work, improve yourself. Instincts are a hell of a thing (People underestimate how much behavior is driven subconsciously--nearly all of it is.). People can sense when someone is confident and happy with themselves, and they can sense when they are feeling low and insecure. If you're the latter, you're going to get the very tiny group of women who prey on that. Be the former.

Fix things with you, get yourself to a place where you can look in the mirror and feel good, then you'll get someone who can share your happiness, instead of trying to find someone who will make you happy. (Seriously, the simplest steps will get you there too. Work out. Get smaller plates and fill them more with vegetables. Clean your room, and organize your space--yeah, it sounds silly, but it will have a huge impact. Focus on doing more in work, and getting ahead.)
 
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Deebo

Molten Core Raider
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No offense man but maybe it's because it's so early and I got no sleep but what the fuck did I just read.

She sounds horrible

None taken, at the root of it all, yeah. Shes horrible. The shit she had to tell herself to cheat on me is fucked up.

Don't use generalizations. It will only make you bitter against the world. This woman didn't love you like you loved her, but for every chump like you(no offense), I can show you a dude who's fucking plenty of chicks behind his woman's back. Cheating and fucking around is not a woman thing, it's just a shitty-person thing.

I agree with Phoenix, though. End it and look out for your kids.

Yeah, that's the exact thing her ex really good girlfriend basically said to me "I don't hate her, I just think shes a shitty person."

Khane is right, avoid the redpill stuff when you're in the kind of vulnerable state you are right now. Like most fad psychology it has a couple valid points, but a whole load of detrimental shit tacked onto it. There are good women out there that won't treat you like shit etc

I will try to avoid it for sure. And I have some hope theres a good woman out there.

I've been in your shoes. Married my high school sweetheart, ignored the glaring red flags. All it did was cause me pain and misery. Had a kid and tried so damn hard just to make things work, but I was unhappy. It doesn't matter if you envisioned a future together, or if you have kids, you can't change how she feels. You seem like an optimist but it's clouding your judgement. Get out. I was almost 30 and getting divorced with a 2 year old, and wasn't in shape or anything. It turns out, a lot of women are looking for good dudes, ones that want all the same things you do too, you just have to vet them. I remarried, have been with her now for almost 4 years, and we have twins on the way. Couldn't be happier. I'm healthier, have a better job, making more money, and loving my life. You're worth more than that. Also, ignore the fucking redpill bullshit even if it makes you feel better, it will poison your mind.

Yeah I was 18, and now im 34 with a 9 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. I read some shit on how people will say they were never in love with a person to try to disconnect easier. It's basically a shitty cop out from what I read. It's just hard because she was one of my best friends. We spent 15 years together so the thought of her not being there like she was all of a sudden is rough to think about right now. This fucking sick feeling I have in my stomach most of the time really sucks... Congrats on twins as well!

Yeah, to echo what Khane said--don't do this while you're angry. This is essentially what feminists do to men too. They take a small subset of neurotic qualities endemic in some of X sex, and try to blend them over the entire gender. In reality, genders have plenty of overlap and plenty of women do not share those terrible qualities of a small handful (Even if those qualities skew heavily towards women) Or to put it another way, men are overwhelmingly serial killers and mass murderers--something in men leads them more easily down that path. However, it's pretty clear not all men are even susceptible to this. Just because its a quality found mostly in men, doesn't mean anymore than a small handful of men have it. People would be a pretty shitty judge of you if they assumed you were someone like that just because it tended to be more prevalent in your gender right? It works the same for women. As said, genders have a lot of overlap, the vast majority of women are going to be fine.

The only advice you should take from the redpill shit is focus on yourself for a while. Get in shape, focus on your work, improve yourself. Instincts are a hell of a thing (People underestimate how much behavior is driven subconsciously--nearly all of it is.). People can sense when someone is confident and happy with themselves, and they can sense when they are feeling low and insecure. If you're the latter, you're going to get the very tiny group of women who prey on that. Be the former.

Fix things with you, get yourself to a place where you can look in the mirror and feel good, then you'll get someone who can share your happiness, instead of trying to find someone who will make you happy. (Seriously, the simplest steps will get you there too. Work out. Get smaller plates and fill them more with vegetables. Clean your room, and organize your space--yeah, it sounds silly, but it will have a huge impact. Focus on doing more in work, and getting ahead.)

Yeah I see what you are saying. I have been hitting the gym for a while, and im trying to get more focused on doing it, and eating better as well. I need to get some good books and start reading more as well. I want to give how to win friends and influence people a read, I have heard good things.
 

Namon

Blackwing Lair Raider
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Yeah avoid the Red Pill shit. When a movement/ideology makes ME break out an -ist (sexist), then it's almost objectively bad at that point. Yeah a lot of women suck ass as people, but so do a lot of men and it seems many of the ones who elevate to these gender based movements are just shitty people. Get out of this relationship and focus on your kids and yourself and someone who truly loves you will come by. And glass is half full here: at the very least this relationship/marriage gave you two kids that you love and be in your life moving forward.
 
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Ryoz

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Sounds like he also needs time to process that this is ending. When my marriage ended I was already unhappy for a long time. He seems like he is still in love with her so there’s going to be some rough days ahead while he goes through that emotional journey.
 

Deebo

Molten Core Raider
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Sounds like he also needs time to process that this is ending. When my marriage ended I was already unhappy for a long time. He seems like he is still in love with her so there’s going to be some rough days ahead while he goes through that emotional journey.

Yeah, I am trying to process it for sure. Im all over the place right now. I haven't been talking to her as much, just basic things and stuff about the kids. Its kind of awkward at times. Its like a part of me wants her to be apologetic and beg for my forgiveness, and the other part wants to tell her how much of a piece of shit she was/is for doing this to me, and start being an asshole to her. I know that wont do much, especially since we still have a lot of shit to decide on. I am overwhelmed at the thought of the process too. I need to get the house all ready to show so I can sell it, then figure out where im going to be living after that. I have some really supportive friends, so that helps a lot too.
 
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A5150Ylee

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Yeah, I am trying to process it for sure. Im all over the place right now. I haven't been talking to her as much, just basic things and stuff about the kids. Its kind of awkward at times. Its like a part of me wants her to be apologetic and beg for my forgiveness, and the other part wants to tell her how much of a piece of shit she was/is for doing this to me, and start being an asshole to her. I know that wont do much, especially since we still have a lot of shit to decide on. I am overwhelmed at the thought of the process too. I need to get the house all ready to show so I can sell it, then figure out where im going to be living after that. I have some really supportive friends, so that helps a lot too.

Dude, been there and done that. No matter how hard you try, she will not apologize because that will make her admit she was wrong.

When my first wife cheated on me, I thought making her admit it would be good for the relationship. I would have been wrong, and she never did anyway...

Use her current love to leave you with hope for a better future. The faster you divorce her with hopes of marrying her new lover, the cheaper you get out.

Yes, men are actually the romantics. And yes, all women are looking to trade up in the relationship. It's simple million years of biology of women looking to move up in security (money in the modern age).
 
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Deebo

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Dude, been there and done that. No matter how hard you try, she will not apologize because that will make her admit she was wrong.

When my first wife cheated on me, I thought making her admit it would be good for the relationship. I would have been wrong, and she never did anyway...

Use her current love to leave you with hope for a better future. The faster you divorce her with hopes of marrying her new lover, the cheaper you get out.

Yes, men are actually the romantics. And yes, all women are looking to trade up in the relationship. It's simple million years of biology of women looking to move up in security (money in the modern age).

The thing is she’s definitely not trading up. This guys some fucking piece of shit that only has his current job because of his dad. Good fucking luck there for her. He’s obsessed over her. I’ve seen the texts between them. They are both acting like stupid fucks. Oh he’s really possessive. So she traded up there I guess...
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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The thing is she’s definitely not trading up. This guys some fucking piece of shit that only has his current job because of his dad. Good fucking luck there for her. He’s obsessed over her. I’ve seen the texts between them. They are both acting like stupid fucks. Oh he’s really possessive. So she traded up there I guess...

Alimony goes to 0 when he turns her into fertilizer.
 

Deebo

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Im starting to lose my shit this morning. I'm fucking frustrated and depressed. She stayed at his place last night, she came home at 5 am this morning. She tried to go to bed, and I was getting up to go to the gym before work. Instead of punching the fuck out of her cheating whore face I just resorted to being an asshole, turned on all the lights turned the tv on loud, sat in bed ate my toast and peanut butter and sipped my pre workout loud as fuck. Childish? Sure I didnt fucking care. Come home after fucking him and expect to just go to bed like nothings wrong.

I just got to work, im fucking having a mini panic attack and shit. Im a fucking mess. I told her I was sorry for being an assole, and that im super frustrated and depressed and whatever she was planning to do to make me feel like shit is working, so I hope shes happy with herself.. But she will spin it to everyone to make it out to be the victim here. She already is and has been.