Marriage and the Power of Divorce

moonarchia

moonarchia

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Koushirou said:
I tried for a long time to get our finances combined, but he always wanted his separate because he didn't want to be told what he could do with his money. Of course, it just became a scenario of having our money and his money. Obvious red flag that I ignored, but I never claimed to be smart.
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Just get all the info to your lawyer and let them do their thing. From what you have told us in this thread you guys pretty much commingled all the things, so you can expect to lose half of everything. Decide which stuff you need to keep going, and build your half around that. Start getting your stuff in storage out to your parents. Get the house listed and sold. You haven't been there long enough to build much equity.

Pick your battles. Your lawyer will be your sword and shield in all this, so just keep talking with them through the process. Neither of you have jobs. No kids. So it really does all come down to division of assets and debts.
 
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TJT

TJT

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Kithani said:
Separate finances is weird if you’re married.

I make 2x what my wife does but it’s both our $, just like my lawyer Cad Cad told me her chocolate cake slice is 50% mine!
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For us we have some joint accounts and I pay for the majority of everything as I make like 2.5x what she makes. I've never considered combining 401ks and whatnot or anything. Most of the time she is fine with me making money decisions as its one of the few things I am relatively gifted at. I have my own various accounts though and she doesn't look into those ones. But it isn't like I am hoarding money from her or anything.

So the issue never came up. We bought a car in 2024 and I told her to pay on it awhile as she has never had a loan in her name alone before (grew up outside the US). After a year went by she at some point complained about the monthly payment and I just paid off the car. As the debt itself was never really a problem. I told her that and she claimed to have understood what I meant but obviously didn't.
 
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Phazael

Phazael

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Koushirou said:
It does. As far as I know he's not asking for spousal support. We did have another talk today about how he just wants a lawyer's help to amend some of the paperwork and add a demand for me to a buy him a table and chairs. He did mention that he could ask for my 401k and savings, but he's not going to, but he wants his house equity. Still going to have a lawyer of my own just in case. If he does end up asking for it, what would he even get out of me? Some % of my UI bennies, I guess while it lasts?
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IF he is making these kinds of threats in this passive aggressive manner, then that means he absolutely is going to ask for that at some point. He probably thinks he is being clever discouraging you from getting a lawyer while he consults one. And each time you roll over on something you are just inviting him to take more. Define the guard rails now and lawyer up, because he is just going to grab whatever is not nailed down and lie about it. This is especially for the reasons someone gave about it dawning on him that his gravy train is coming to an end. So now he is looking to squeeze all he can and prey on your empathy to do it.
 
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Cad

Cad

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Koushirou said:
I tried for a long time to get our finances combined, but he always wanted his separate because he didn't want to be told what he could do with his money. Of course, it just became a scenario of having our money and his money. Obvious red flag that I ignored, but I never claimed to be smart.
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This is going to be one of those times where you have to stop worrying about what he's doing or what he's thinking or feeling, and go get yours. You need to be strong here, decisive, and take control of this process. He's not going to "let" you do it. You're going to fight, and you're going to win. Get fucking pissed about what is going on in your life and say, I'm not taking this shit anymore. And DONT.

Your situation here is entirely self-inflicted, this dude is a loser who can't get a job. Don't let him get over on you about this. Take your shit and take his too.

Get. Mad.
 
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Kithani

Kithani

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Cad said:
This is going to be one of those times where you have to stop worrying about what he's doing or what he's thinking or feeling, and go get yours. You need to be strong here, decisive, and take control of this process. He's not going to "let" you do it. You're going to fight, and you're going to win. Get fucking pissed about what is going on in your life and say, I'm not taking this shit anymore. And DONT.

Your situation here is entirely self-inflicted, this dude is a loser who can't get a job. Don't let him get over on you about this. Take your shit and take his too.

Get. Mad.
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I WOKE UP FEELING THE CHEESIEST COACH
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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On the plus side, since neither of you is working, there's no 'spousal support' to be had. Once the assets are split and the divorce decree is finalized he can fuck off and get himself a job if he ever wants more money.

Lawyer up. Get the house listed. Fight tooth and claw for everything you want, and to stop the stupid shit like buying him a table and chairs. He can buy his own damn shit with his half of the assets.
 
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Kirun

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What the fuck kind of man needs a table and chairs?

This is the life..

1754670456187.png
 
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Fogel

Fogel

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Are they at least a nice set of table and chairs? Like solid 100% wood hand crafted by his ancestors? Or is it cheap particle board crap?
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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mkopec said:
Is this how you live? I feel bad for you.
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Getting there. Still have a lot of book and various tech toys from years past. Past few moves over the past 10 years gave me a kick in the pants to declutter Kondo MArie style.
 
Big Phoenix

Big Phoenix

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I still chuckle at a woman asking me if I just moved into my house after I had been living in it for 4 years.
 
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