Parent Thread
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We actually did a little ceremony for each of the kids. They took all their pacifiers, held them tight for a moment, and then put them in the trash. We talked about it for two weeks prior to it happening. Once that happened, there was a pretty smooth transition to no more pacifiers.
Sounds stupid, but in my experience ceremony helps with things like this. Think of it as a graduation.
Sounds stupid, but in my experience ceremony helps with things like this. Think of it as a graduation.
Gurgeh
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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I'm in trouble with the pacifier, my daughter also turned 2, and also doesn't need it during the day, but at night she sleeps with half a dozen of them in her bed... She sleeps with one in each hand, rotate them while sleeping... pretty much a circus show...
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We had to just take pacifiers away from my daughter because she would chew them on the side of her mouth like an old man with a cigar. They started to tear when her teeth came in so we just tossed them and she didn't care. She had a favorite stuffed animal that made up for it.
My son was more of the regular kid with the pacifier. I think we broke him when he was close to three. He wanted a specific truck toy and we told him that Santa trades toys for pacifiers (even in June). So he dictated a letter for us to write and we had him leave it out for Santa. It was a cute moment because you could tell he really didn't want to leave it but the idea of getting that truck was too tempting. He said, "This is a really good binky" while holding/starring at it, then he put it down and went to bed. He only asked about it once a few days later and we just reminded him the traded it to Santa.
My son was more of the regular kid with the pacifier. I think we broke him when he was close to three. He wanted a specific truck toy and we told him that Santa trades toys for pacifiers (even in June). So he dictated a letter for us to write and we had him leave it out for Santa. It was a cute moment because you could tell he really didn't want to leave it but the idea of getting that truck was too tempting. He said, "This is a really good binky" while holding/starring at it, then he put it down and went to bed. He only asked about it once a few days later and we just reminded him the traded it to Santa.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Nearly three. With pretty high language skills. It might not be for everyone, but even if that doesn't do it, I have found that adding ceremony helps with this kind of thing. With most parenting things, to be honest.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Thankfully neither of my boys wanted pacifiers despite us providing them. Oldest.sucks his two middle fingers like a metal head and the youngest doesn't do anything. Might be serial killer
Ronaan
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In our family (i.e. my wife's side of the family) the kids gave their collection to santa for the little angels.
worked fine with all kids until my girls came along... the big one we had to go cold turkey the next easter (same time where the nightly warm milk bottle got nixed OHNO) and for the small one I don't even remember. I think the santa thing might have worked with her.
With easter coming up maybe make a ceremony for the easter bunny orphanage pacifier ltd out of the whole deal, coupled with a small extra gift...
worked fine with all kids until my girls came along... the big one we had to go cold turkey the next easter (same time where the nightly warm milk bottle got nixed OHNO) and for the small one I don't even remember. I think the santa thing might have worked with her.
With easter coming up maybe make a ceremony for the easter bunny orphanage pacifier ltd out of the whole deal, coupled with a small extra gift...
Quineloe
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Is it the full novel? Amazon link I've found said only 256 pages, but the plain text one I have here is well over 300
The_Black_Log Foler
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Kind of a random question. I have no kids but I'm curious as to the opinions of those with kids and the wisdom that comes with that experience.
TJT
posted a story in politics about a lawyer friend who had to deal with trust fund kids. More or less kids being entitled and out of touch with reality even with trust funds setup with stipulations.
I don't know everyone's net worth but let's just pretend as a parent you've amassed enough wealth (enough that you can still do whatever YOU want too) to where you could setup a trust fund for your kids or grand kids.
Do you think this is a bad idea? Would you cap the amount? What (if any) stipulations would you put on it?
I'm curious because on one hand I know and have seen first hand the train wreck of trusts funds on kids, especially ones with 0 stipulations. On the other hand I know there are a few trust fund kids where that money was used wisely. For those kids a trust fund to help for college or something else could be beneficial but there's just so many factors that you can't predict about how children will turn out to be able to make that decision in advance.
At this point I don't think I would do a trust fund. I'd probably play it by ear as I watch my kids grow up. For example if my kid busted his/her ass in HS and wanted to/got into a great college I'd help pay for it to an extent (I'd observe how they spend their time in college and adjust accordingly), I'd definitely want to see them working in college only to the extent that it doesn't limit their other academic pursuits.
So thoughts on trust funds, kids and money etc?
I'm gonna look back on this thread as a primer years down the road if I have kids. Thanks to all the parents in here, I know it's not easy and parents aren't perfect but thank you for doing your best.
TJT
posted a story in politics about a lawyer friend who had to deal with trust fund kids. More or less kids being entitled and out of touch with reality even with trust funds setup with stipulations.I don't know everyone's net worth but let's just pretend as a parent you've amassed enough wealth (enough that you can still do whatever YOU want too) to where you could setup a trust fund for your kids or grand kids.
Do you think this is a bad idea? Would you cap the amount? What (if any) stipulations would you put on it?
I'm curious because on one hand I know and have seen first hand the train wreck of trusts funds on kids, especially ones with 0 stipulations. On the other hand I know there are a few trust fund kids where that money was used wisely. For those kids a trust fund to help for college or something else could be beneficial but there's just so many factors that you can't predict about how children will turn out to be able to make that decision in advance.
At this point I don't think I would do a trust fund. I'd probably play it by ear as I watch my kids grow up. For example if my kid busted his/her ass in HS and wanted to/got into a great college I'd help pay for it to an extent (I'd observe how they spend their time in college and adjust accordingly), I'd definitely want to see them working in college only to the extent that it doesn't limit their other academic pursuits.
So thoughts on trust funds, kids and money etc?
I'm gonna look back on this thread as a primer years down the road if I have kids. Thanks to all the parents in here, I know it's not easy and parents aren't perfect but thank you for doing your best.
Gurgeh
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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I'd try to avoid even mentionning the trust until they reach 23 or so. I'm no where near wealthy enough to setup a huge trust fund, but still my daughter will probably have between 50k and 100k when she's 20 (at this rate), it's nowhere near enough to set you up for life, but it's enough to wreck your life in your early 20's. So I guess i'll be like "Oh by the way, you've got that account" when she's done with her initial education / found her first job.Kind of a random question. I have no kids but I'm curious as to the opinions of those with kids and the wisdom that comes with that experience.
I don't know everyone's net worth but let's just pretend as a parent you've amassed enough wealth (enough that you can still do whatever YOU want too) to where you could setup a trust fund for your kids or grand kids.
Do you think this is a bad idea? Would you cap the amount? What (if any) stipulations would you put on it?
I'm curious because on one hand I know and have seen first hand the train wreck of trusts funds on kids, especially ones with 0 stipulations. On the other hand I know there are a few trust fund kids where that money was used wisely. For those kids a trust fund to help for college or something else could be beneficial but there's just so many factors that you can't predict about how children will turn out to be able to make that decision in advance.
At this point I don't think I would do a trust fund. I'd probably play it by ear as I watch my kids grow up. For example if my kid busted his/her ass in HS and wanted to/got into a great college I'd help pay for it to an extent (I'd observe how they spend their time in college and adjust accordingly), I'd definitely want to see them working in college only to the extent that it doesn't limit their other academic pursuits.
So thoughts on trust funds, kids and money etc?
I'm gonna look back on this thread as a primer years down the road if I have kids. Thanks to all the parents in here, I know it's not easy and parents aren't perfect but thank you for doing your best.
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It's been a while since I read it, but "The Millionaire Next Door" has a chapter about how leaving money for your kids has a negative impact of like -30% of total earnings compared to their peers, while only leaving money to pay for 100% of their education gives them +30% earnings compared to peers.
Those numbers are kinda pulled out of my ass, but the big takeaway was don't give your kids money, just as much of their education as you can possibly afford if you want to set them up for success.
Those numbers are kinda pulled out of my ass, but the big takeaway was don't give your kids money, just as much of their education as you can possibly afford if you want to set them up for success.
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The_Black_Log Foler
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Gurgeh
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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That's probably true, but I'd argue that maximizing the life income isn't necessarily the best overall, you probably want to land somewhere in between Mist and Hollywood's actress daughter outcome. I'm pretty sure we want to teach our kids that money important, even very important, but that's not all there is to life. That +10% income they'll get by you starving them for money instead of being reasonable about it, is likely to make them miserable in the end.
If they have an issue with coming out of undergrad and possibly grad school debt free, but without a trust to coddle them through adulthood, they can piss the fuck off.
ver_21
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This is the problem with the way "most" people set it up. I've got some family money from my grandfather, but the there are strict stipulations that it can only be used for qualified kinds of education. It paid for college and grad school but nothing else, and won't be touched again until my kids are headed to school.
Being debt-free with an education at 25 is a huge leg up. The cost of education in the US is completely fucked, and we're making a giant collective mistake by indebting ourselves to the eyeballs to accommodate rising prices. Even with the financial backup, I'm still going to steer my kids towards an economically efficient education rather than whatever maximum brand name we can afford.
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