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dangler_sl

shitlord
228
5
I've been eyeing (eying?) these cock socks, but the reviews I've read give the impression that palm pals are nice, but really not that great. Does anyone around here have any first hand experience with virtual vaginas that they'd like to share?

Also, lube. I have no idea.


Thanks.


p.s. can cunt.
 

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
<Silver Donator>
14,366
2,139
Just get a burrito from Taco Bell. It's inexpensive, discreet, and if you can't get it up you have a nice meal.
 

Pops

Avatar of War Slayer
8,136
21,317
Think your money would be better spent getting a hooker, pop your cherry first before turning to rubber.
 

Anomander Rake

Golden Knight of the Realm
704
14
When I was a pastry chef, we had this one gay waiter that used to love to tell us all sorts of fucked up stories. He told me and some of my staff that one time, at another restaurant he was working at, one of the cooks asked him if he ever tried "the warm melon". Apparently the dude would cut a dick sized hole in a cantaloupe and put it in the oven long enough to warm up the inside, and proceed to go to town. Sounds cheaper than a fleshlight, and less of a mess than a burrito if you ask me.

He also told me a great gay joke: "What's the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?"

"A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out"
 

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
<Silver Donator>
14,366
2,139
Turkish Proverb: "A woman for duty / A boy for pleasure / But a melon for ecstasy."

51JxXvje4-L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg


51JxXvje4-L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg


51JxXvje4-L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg
 

Void

Experiencer
<Gold Donor>
9,374
10,987
At the risk of exposing myself to ridicule, I have a Fleshlight. A couple of years ago a girl I was dating bought me one as a gift for my birthday because she was a goddamn nympho and she had always wanted to give one a try. I'm sure no one will believe that, and it is the internet where women are men and swamp donkeys have more power than they should, so I won't waste any more time trying to convince anyone.

They come with various "sleeves" and I have no idea which one mine is, but I'm pretty sure it was the standard one they recommend. It is also modeled after Ariel/Piper Fawn. She surprised me with it so I didn't get to pick, but I probably would have picked her or Eufrat anyway. I believe that costs a little bit extra, but you can get just a generic one, or even a butthole one if you want. Maybe even one that is supposed to simulate a mouth, but I'm not positive on that.

It is pretty much what you would expect, feels great, etc. Cleanup isn't really too bad, and they either include or she bought some "refreshing" stuff that you are supposed to apply to it to keep the material from deteriorating. I have no clue how that works but it isn't very difficult either.

As far as lube, obviously you need to have water-based, not oil-based, as that will eventually ruin the material. They give you a little bottle of it, and she bought a bigger bottle of some stuff called "gun oil lube" I believe. It is supposedly developed by a guy that was really in the military and based it off of gun oil. Again, don't fucking ask me. I'm sure that any water-based lube would be fine, and I'm equally certain that buying it somewhere else would be significantly cheaper. I've honestly never bought lube in my life so I'm no expert, but I can't imagine they sell it cheaper than somewhere else.

So, all that being said...I haven't used the thing in at LEAST six months. When she used it on me (typically during Aunt Flo's visit), it was great. Since parting ways (a good two years or more maybe?), I've used it a few times but it just doesn't really do it for me. Well, to clarify, it does *do* it for me if you know what I mean, but this is going to be the crux of your decision making I believe. This may be a little bit TMI, but we all jerk off, so I'll just explain. I typically jerk off in front of the computer. When I was younger I'd do it wherever, shower, bed, etc. But now with the vast array of internet porn available, the computer is the prime spot. That means I'm sitting in a chair and my hand is doing the work, while my other hand is clicking the mouse as needed. That's all well and good in a normal jerk off session, but when you bring the Fleshlight into it, sitting in a chair relatively motionless just feels wrong. Like, you want to be thrusting and getting into it. Like I said it was all well and good when she was using it and I could move around, thrust, etc. And the fact that she was holding it made a big difference too. I've used it a few times with the TV instead of the computer, laying down, standing up, etc. and that's a lot better. But that's not the way I typically jerk off. I can totally see where people get the urge to wedge it into their mattress or buy some contraption to hold it, because you want to feel like you're fucking right?

So that would be my advice to anyone considering buying one: assess the way you would use it the majority of the time, and then decide how often you'd do that versus normal jerking off. If this one were to disappear, I wouldn't buy another one because I really don't think I'd use it enough to justify the cost. But if you jerk off differently, it might be perfect for you. It isn't too hard to clean or maintain, and it definitely works, so it is just a matter of how much you think you might actually use it. It sounds great at first, but for some like me it isn't really necessary. I mean, I'll still use it from time to time, and if I find another chick to use it on me I'm sure I'll be glad I have it, but you get the point.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Hopefully I don't get too much shit for this, but I'm sure others have them too and maybe they'll post their opinions now that I've started the ball rolling.
 

Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
<Gold Donor>
44,359
92,496
I had a fleshlight and end the end it became more of a hassle having to clean the damn thing after every use. It defiantly feels better than your right hand, just annoying having to clean it after using it.
 

Pilforgod

Silver Knight of the Realm
211
33
When I was a pastry chef, we had this one gay waiter that used to love to tell us all sorts of fucked up stories. He told me and some of my staff that one time, at another restaurant he was working at, one of the cooks asked him if he ever tried "the warm melon". Apparently the dude would cut a dick sized hole in a cantaloupe and put it in the oven long enough to warm up the inside, and proceed to go to town. Sounds cheaper than a fleshlight, and less of a mess than a burrito if you ask me.
I remember when a radio show I listen to "Opie and Anthony" had their intern Spaz heat up a melon in a microwave and do this in the studio's bathroom. Was the funniest shit I've listened to and it was on a public channel. I can't ever imagine anything like that on the radio again anymore.
 

Sean_sl

shitlord
4,735
11
We need to get Mr. Rock Hard Weekend to product test a pocket pussy and his enhancement drugs at the same time.