Shit

No one knows anyone that uses a poop knife because the type of person that uses a poop knife doesn't know people.

Between you and I,
A foam core door and 15ft of hardwood floor,
A splash of nitrogen and a dash of oxygen,
Doesn't qualify as solitude.
I know you can hear me shitting Felipe, my friend.

Nothing I've ever eaten smells anything like this. Nothing I've been around smells like this. This smell shouldn't even exist.

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Skewered Caprese,
I'm a fancy lad,
Port wine cheese-y
This redneck ain't half bad,
Strawberries and cream,
Overachiever dad.

A pair of moms,
Content on their annum,
Though gut bombs,
Can't thrive on this phantom...

Nude & subdued Finger food, unbrewed and unchewed. Give this dude a rude, screwed & stewed steer, drizzled in beer, elephant ear and and roadkill deer. I need a medium rare corpse, of course, this fucking basil and tomatoe doesn't even need a fork.

Age dulls a man's memory,
The daily shits blend together,
Another shit, another bathroom,
Same old pooetry thread.

Cheesy blasters.
Instinctual reach towards the bidet control.
Wrong bathroom. A bathroom sans bidet.
Today, I shit like Viking.
Sub-par butthole cleanliness.
I have a lot of PTO...

Shitting while sweaty sucks. I hate it, unless I'm doing it right before getting in the shower. When I get back to the office after a hot & sweaty day in the field, I know that if I go take a crap I'm going to feel dirty the rest of the day until I get home and get in the shower.

My professional/career goals all revolve around me getting into a position that includes a private bathroom with a bidet and shower. Then, I'd just live at the office.

The bog of eternal stench

If odor had a motor I'd be a league upstream,
Flat bottom ogre choker trails fart steam,
River boat warlock, sorcerer Supreme,
Merrily, Merrily, Dairy, Life is a butt stream.

As soon as I sit down for a nice, long morning shit, my boss texts me and tells me to come upstairs so we can meet with the field crew on a job before they head out in 5mins.

WORST. DAY. EVER.