The Flash (2023)

Ambiturner

Ssraeszha Raider
16,040
19,500
this is out on the seven seas for those of us who refuse to give Hollywood money. Really good quality just the occasional annoying floating banner ad.

about an hour and a half into this and my god what a shit fucking film.

Like I get it. This is the flash's first solo film, and thus they have to tell the Barry Allen flash origin story, explain how he got his powers, little training montage shit on how he learned to use them, etc so that's what this film is.

But they also have to reboot the DCEU to erase all of the existing shit so they can replace it with the DCU, so that's also what this film is.

The obvious comparison is Spiderman because this is the same plot as Spiderman: No way home.

So Imagine if Spider-Man: no way home was the first of the Spider-Man solo films? So they were stuck trying to tell the Spider-Man origin at the same time they are doing multiversal shit and bringing in past actors to play variants of the same beloved character? But instead of Spider-Man, it's the fucking flash and outside of some campy ass 70s tv, this is really the only version of the flash, so they have to use alternate versions of Batman instead of the main character, and to show off the multiple "variants" of the flash, you have annoying kooky ass faggot actor who plays the flash, play a faggier more annoying version of his "younger" self, like he really has to dial that faggotry up to 11 to differentiate 18 year old barry allen vs current_era barry allen because of course its the same actor thus they look identical and they couldn't spring for any aging/de-aging software or anything.

The way they chose to do this is by having the flash think about his origin story in a flash back (so the origin story is explained) then gets so super sad about it, so sad he just starts running til he realizes his running so fast he can travel back in time to fix it and end up spending half the film playing his own stunt double because he inadvertently gives his powers to his younger 18 year old self and get stuck back in 2012 during the man of steel general zod invasion of earth.

so you have the older, wiser and slightly less annoying version of this character with no powers being carried by the 18 year old annoying faggot version of flash with all the powers but none of the knowledge having to fix the timeline he fucked up.

So its literally just no powers faggot flash and "doesn't know what he's doing learning his powers as he goes, shoulda been a fucking montage" faggot^2 running around for entire film ruining every scene they are in (most of them). edit: there's a spoiler earlier talking about how much screen time Michael Keaton has and its incorrect. Michael Keaton is the main character of this movie he is carrying the entire thing on his back, he's also in it so far like half the film.

If they were going to keep this plot they should of got the dude who plays the TV flash to be younger barry allen and let them play off of each other. But in all honesty they should of just abandoned their attempt to copy spider-man no way home scene for scene, and changed the plot entirely. Just had him momentarily interact with past self, fuck up the present, and have to keep going back and forth throughout time trying to fix shit, interacting with different versions of past DC heroes until he realizes he's in a paradox and can't fuck with the timestream without fucking everything up and then just have him do the can of tomato sauce thing to free his dad in the future, inadvertently putting the DC movie universe on the DCU continum and not the DCEU.

Basically this film could of been the butterfly effect with the feel/fun/pacing of Edge of tomorrow but instead its just faggy dog shit.

Best thing out of this whole retarded rant is the idea that younger Ezra Miller should have been played by a completely different person who's actually older than him
 
  • 2Worf
Reactions: 1 users

Sylas

<Bronze Donator>
3,112
2,714
Best thing out of this whole retarded rant is the idea that younger Ezra Miller should have been played by a completely different person who's actually older than him
huh weird that everyone else on earth has the exact same take as me. but you're right you are the only non-retard in the room, the rest of us be full retard.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user

Ossoi

Tranny Chaser
15,893
7,855
huh weird that everyone else on earth has the exact same take as me. but you're right you are the only non-retard in the room, the rest of us be full retard.
.

"But they also have to reboot the DCEU to erase all of the existing shit so they can replace it with the DCU, so that's also what this film is."


Except this film was conceived, written, produced and filmed long before Gunn was hired, let alone took any creative decisions about the Snyderverse
 

spronk

FPS noob
22,612
25,665
yeah cam version isn't too bad, its not amazing but 90% of the time it looks ok. better watch than going out to a theater to see this giant turd

the dog in the credits scene has more personality than everyone else in this movie. it all just feels so pointless and dumb. I really felt bad for Michael Shannon and Michael Keaton having to film this shit. Who the fuck cares about Supergirl, a zero charisma character who could be erased from the movie with zero change.

The disrespect towards Henry Cavill in this movie, oof
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user

j00t

Silver Baronet of the Realm
7,380
7,472
okay. just watched it and... what... in the...

i absolutely LOVE how the cgi was so bad that the director had to come and say that it was on purpose. no, it was just bad special effects. if your story either doesn't or can't convey why the special effects are bad, then it's bad. it may be on purpose, it may be a stylistic choice, that doesn't make it good. also, it wasn't just the speedforce cgi that was bad, it was all the cgi. the speedforce cosmic treadmill was just the most glaring because the whole screen was bag cgi. there was nowhere to look that wasn't bad cgi. but anytime the two barry's were on screen together, one of them was bad cgi. they had an actor stand in and then just cgi'd his face but it clearly looked like cgi. movies have been doing this competently for over a decade but not here!

early on i was actually pretty hopeful when old barry realized how annoying young barry is. there was a moment where he's like, oh... oh no... i get why everyone hates me... and you think, oh this could be great, old barry just pissed at how insufferable he is throughout the whole movie, but that quickly stops and they become best friends. i REALLY enjoyed anytime the movie pointed out how dumb ezra is, like when he puts on the mask wrong towards the end? that's good stuff.

that's kind of the problem though, there's a good movie in there, you just gotta get past ezra. that's not something you should be saying about the lead actor, though.

in related news, i briefly read an article with sasha calle (supergirl) where she praised supergirl for being "androgynous." someone asked her about what she loved most about supergirl and she immediately answered "i love how androgynous she is" and i'm like... uhm... i think you don't know what that word means. today's generation is so screwed up that they think if a character isn't actively talking about their sexuality and their pronouns, that means they are androgynous. girl, you suit had a huge pushup bra built in as well as a big V to accentuate your hips. that is not androdrygenous.
 

Chukzombi

Millie's Staff Member
71,713
213,030
okay. just watched it and... what... in the...

i absolutely LOVE how the cgi was so bad that the director had to come and say that it was on purpose. no, it was just bad special effects. if your story either doesn't or can't convey why the special effects are bad, then it's bad. it may be on purpose, it may be a stylistic choice, that doesn't make it good. also, it wasn't just the speedforce cgi that was bad, it was all the cgi. the speedforce cosmic treadmill was just the most glaring because the whole screen was bag cgi. there was nowhere to look that wasn't bad cgi. but anytime the two barry's were on screen together, one of them was bad cgi. they had an actor stand in and then just cgi'd his face but it clearly looked like cgi. movies have been doing this competently for over a decade but not here!

early on i was actually pretty hopeful when old barry realized how annoying young barry is. there was a moment where he's like, oh... oh no... i get why everyone hates me... and you think, oh this could be great, old barry just pissed at how insufferable he is throughout the whole movie, but that quickly stops and they become best friends. i REALLY enjoyed anytime the movie pointed out how dumb ezra is, like when he puts on the mask wrong towards the end? that's good stuff.

that's kind of the problem though, there's a good movie in there, you just gotta get past ezra. that's not something you should be saying about the lead actor, though.

in related news, i briefly read an article with sasha calle (supergirl) where she praised supergirl for being "androgynous." someone asked her about what she loved most about supergirl and she immediately answered "i love how androgynous she is" and i'm like... uhm... i think you don't know what that word means. today's generation is so screwed up that they think if a character isn't actively talking about their sexuality and their pronouns, that means they are androgynous. girl, you suit had a huge pushup bra built in as well as a big V to accentuate your hips. that is not androdrygenous.
actors gotta say dumb fucking shit like that or they get cancelled. there are a few actresses who dont fuck around, one is the Wednesday chick and some other young broad i dont remember her name. they take a lot of shit for it too. yeah, i read that article about the director defending the bad CGI. it was pretty pathetic, you can clearly see the cheap in every scene. makes you wonder where the rest of the 300 million dollars they spent went to. i guess reshooting the movie over and over takes it's toll.
 

j00t

Silver Baronet of the Realm
7,380
7,472
actors gotta say dumb fucking shit like that or they get cancelled. there are a few actresses who dont fuck around, one is the Wednesday chick and some other young broad i dont remember her name. they take a lot of shit for it too. yeah, i read that article about the director defending the bad CGI. it was pretty pathetic, you can clearly see the cheap in every scene. makes you wonder where the rest of the 300 million dollars they spent went to. i guess reshooting the movie over and over takes it's toll.
yeah, i mean you gotta remember this movie was supposed to come like 10 years ago. and it's not like they just shelved it for a while, they have been actively trying to put this movie out for a long time.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user

Chukzombi

Millie's Staff Member
71,713
213,030
yeah, i mean you gotta remember this movie was supposed to come like 10 years ago. and it's not like they just shelved it for a while, they have been actively trying to put this movie out for a long time.
i didnt know they were developing this for that long. how can CW do a better looking scene of the same fucking thing 8 years ago on broadcast TV?
 

Fucker

Log Wizard
11,567
26,182
the Keaton Batman and Cara stuff i had no problems with, my only quibble with Keaton Batman is he got stuck repeating the same lines from Batman89. nobody asked for that. its not even a fanservice thing as no fans would want Keaton to play on a loop. its a, "remember this? guys, do you remember Batman in 1989? look, its the Batman you grew up with. Batman 89! you fucking neckbeard loser nerds must love this film" very insulting, Cara was a really nice surprise. i didnt think i would end up liking her as much as i did, not just because she is cute, but she had a decent heartfelt performance. but as we said. ITS ALL RUINED by FagBarry and FaggierBarry in every fucking scene being obnoxious fags to the utter extreme. i cant stress enough how bad he was and how much his casting has destroyed the future of this franchise.
Ryan Reynolds can save this.
 

Fucker

Log Wizard
11,567
26,182
Best part of this dumb film was Cage supes. That alone raised the film from a 0/10 to a 10/10.
 
  • 2Like
  • 1Worf
  • 1Solidarity
Reactions: 3 users

spronk

FPS noob
22,612
25,665
the funny part about that cameo was that he was fighting a giant spider, which i didn't really understand until I read the story about how Jon Peters was apparently obsessed with big spiders - Will Smiths Wild Wild West movie was the eventual culmination of this


the alternative endings for the movie are interesting
 
Last edited:
  • 4Like
Reactions: 3 users

Sylas

<Bronze Donator>
3,112
2,714
.

"But they also have to reboot the DCEU to erase all of the existing shit so they can replace it with the DCU, so that's also what this film is."


Except this film was conceived, written, produced and filmed long before Gunn was hired, let alone took any creative decisions about the Snyderverse
here you go dogfucker

The Flash began life under the studio regime run by Toby Emmerich and his lieutenant, DC Films boss Walter Hamada. Most of the shooting and post-production was undertaken under that leadership, with the movie as part of Hamada’s plan to have Flash build to a major reset of the entire DC cinematic universe, departing from the one established by filmmaker Zack Snyder with Man of Steel a decade ago. Hamada planned a Flash sequel and then wanted to move to a movie inspired by the 1980s classic comic event, Crisis on Infinite Earths.

The Flash, as it was originally conceived and shot, ended on the courthouse steps with Supergirl, played by Sasha Calle, and Batman, played by Michael Keaton, who was already featured throughout the movie as a returned Batman. It was meant to highlight that Barry did not reset the timeline as he thought he did. It was an ending that was screen tested several times, one that reversed the deaths of Supergirl and Batman earlier in the film.
 

Ossoi

Tranny Chaser
15,893
7,855

Are you dumb? Your claim was that The Flash would erase Snyder-verse to progress into the Gunn-verse. The line "with the movie as part of Hamada’s plan to have Flash build to a major reset of the entire DC cinematic universe" does not back up your claim, all your article does is confirm my rebuttal that The Flash was conceived long before Gunn got involved. If anything it just cements my rebuttal because there was actually an intermediary DC leadership regime before Gunn got involved, lol

"Emmerich and Hamada were ousted, and Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav was on the hunt for an executive to run DC. In the meantime, Michael De Luca and Pamela Abdy were installed as Warner Bros. Pictures Group chairpersons and CEOs. "

"A new The Flash ending was conceived. This new version was still on the courthouse steps, but now Calle’s Supergirl was joined by Superman, played by Henry Cavill, and Wonder Woman,"

"“It’s rare that you have a movie in post-production that faces three separate regimes with three separate agendas,” notes one insider. “None of them were scrapped because of ill will, just different visions.”"


Learn to read more
 
Last edited:
  • 1EyeRoll
Reactions: 1 user

Kaige

ReRefugee
<WoW Guild Officer>
5,430
12,283
This was an homage to old school Michael Keaton Batman with a shitload of Ezra Miller screwing it up in-between. Any time Flash was alone with other Flash, it just completely puked all over the movie.