The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

A character from a pointless plot in the book that was cut out of the movie.

Tom bombadil was basically just a side effect of Tolkien's writing style. When he wrote, he only had vague outlines and let the characters evovle on their own instead of as plot devices. So in walks tom bombadil, a hippy who is immune to the ring, has a hotty wife named goldmoon and is theoretically the most powerful force in middle earth. Except he doesn't have anything to do with the story itself. He's just a part of the world. Even Tolkien said he has no idea what tom is. He's just a character that is powerful enough to stop sauron, but has no stake in the fight so he doesn't care. He's basically tolkiens attempt at the silmarillion before the silmarillion. Toms chapter should have ended with, "but thats for another story..."

aychamo_aycono_sl said:

Man. I'm 85 minutes into the extended edition fellowship of the ring. I forgot how much better these were. You feel genuine fear for the characters. No ridiculous "fall ten thousand feet and thnof brush off your ass and walk away." The villains look great. Characters are awesome.

It's crazy how much PJ fucked up the hobbits. I remember Theoden (Bernard hill?) in the "extras" just saying how amazing his armor was and how every piece was a hand crafted piece of art, and how they hired chain mail people to just make armor for like three years straight. And then we have Dain in the hobbit whose entire character is CGI. We lost all that realism and shit with the lazy use of computers. It just sucked in comparison.

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I feel like Peter Jackson also ruined a lot of the feel of the third movie of the Hobbit. That weasel character, the 2nd in command of Laketown, had way too much screen time and was completely unnecessary. It seemed like he was only there for comic relief and failed miserably at it - I was just tired of seeing him, someone should've stabbed him the neck in the beginning of the movie. He was like the LOTR jar jar binks as far as I'm concerned, and overall the movie had way too many slapstick elements that ruined some of the things which were supposed to feel more serious. The battle itself was pretty good, or at least the parts of it we saw. I got a little annoyed with how much time was spent focused on small groups of dwarves and what-not instead of the supposedly epic battle going on that we only saw for a few minutes. That said, the dwarves did look really cool when they showed up in their armor. Still, I didn't really "feel it" like I did with Helms Deep, for example.

I'll update my re.post.com cos why the fuck not

THE SILMARILLION

Beginning as visual abstraction, or a hallucinatory film, turning into an aged and rustic tale; slowly turned into a style, by the sixth installment, familiar to that of The Lord of the Rings.
*taking place quickly, as compared to later parts.


Part I:The Darkening of Valinor
*Music of the Ainur, Iluvatar and Melko and Ea, the Valar and the Maiar and the Vision of Arda, Manwe and the wind, Ulmo and the waters, Yavanna and the growing of things, Aule and the earth
*The making of the world, the first war, Tulkas and Melkor, Almaren and the Lamps of the Valar, the Spring of Arda
*Utumno and the Iron Mountains, the feast at Almaren, the destruction of the Lamps, the marring of the world and the end of spring
*Aman and Valinor, the Pelori Mountains, Taniquetil home of Manwe and Varda Elentari, Telperion and Laurelin, the Ring of Doom, the Halls of Mandos and the other Valar, the Seven Fathers of the Dwarves and the foreshowing of the Ents
*Darkness over Middle-earth, the delving of Angband, Melkor's dominion and the hunting of Orome, Varda and the new constellations, Cuivienen and the awakening
*The breeding of Orcs, Orome's discovery of the Eldar, the shaking of the earth, the siege of Utumno and the chaining of Melkor, the Valar's summoning, Ingwe, Finwe and Elwe enter Aman
---The Sundering of the Elves and the Great Journey--- (middle of the movie)
Eldamar and the Calaquendi of Aman, King Thingol and Melian and the Elves of Beleriand
The Dwarves of Nogrod and Belegost, Durin the Deathless and Dwarrowdelf
Finwe, the Silmarils, Feanor and Fingolfin
Morgoth, Ungoliant and the darkening of Valinor
The Oath and the Kinslaying, the burning of ships and the Helcaraxe
Tilion and Arien, their vessels are prepared

Part II:The Flight of the Noldor
Years of the Sun and the Coming of Men
Dagor-nuin-Giliath the Battle under the Stars, Feanor slain by Gothmog and Balrogs, the rising of Moon and Sun, Menegroth in Doriath, the city of Nargothrond, Dagor Aglareb the Glorious Battle, the siege of Angband
The city of Gondolin, Finrod Felagund meets Beor and the first house of the Edain, Glaurung the Great Worm and the Battle of Sudden Flame or the Dagor Bragollach, Sauron's Tol-in-Gaurhoth, the fall of Fingolfin

Part III:The War of the Jewels
Hurin and Huor, Gorlim betrays Barahir, Fingon and Cirdan at Hithlum
Beren and Luthien
The wresting of one Silmaril

Part IV:The Ruin of Doriath
Nirnaeth Arnoediad
Turin Turambar, the fall of Nargothrond and the slaying of Glaurung
The Nauglamir and death of Thingol, the second Kinslaying, the fall of Doriath

Part V:The Voyage of E?rendil
The fall of Gondolin, the third Kinslaying
Earendil the Mariner
The sinking of Beleriand, the end of the age, Maedhros and Maglor's theft of the two remaining Silmarils, Morgoth's expulsion into the Void

Part VI:The Forging of the Rings(or if Muligan beat me up)The Rise of Sauron
Elros Tar-Minyatur and the Numenoreans
Rivendell, Lothlorien, Khazad-dum and Eregion
Celebrimbor and Annatar, the sack of Eregion and the unveiling of Annatar

Part VII:Akallab?th
Middle-earth, the Palantiri and the Isle of Numenor
Ar-Pharazon's fleet sails into the West, the downfall of Westernesse and the changing of the world
The Last Alliance of Elves and Men (ending before the final battle where Isildur defeats Sauron)

j00t_sl said:

Tom bombadil was basically just a side effect of Tolkien's writing style. When he wrote, he only had vague outlines and let the characters evovle on their own instead of as plot devices. So in walks tom bombadil, a hippy who is immune to the ring, has a hotty wife namedgoldmoonand is theoretically the most powerful force in middle earth. Except he doesn't have anything to do with the story itself. He's just a part of the world. Even Tolkien said he has no idea what tom is. He's just a character that is powerful enough to stop sauron, but has no stake in the fight so he doesn't care. He's basically tolkiens attempt at the silmarillion before the silmarillion. Toms chapter should have ended with, "but thats for another story..."

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Goldmoon. Hippies. GOLDMOON

Part 1, 2 and 6 should be 10 minute prolouges in the other films.

j00t_sl said:

Tom bombadil was basically just a side effect of Tolkien's writing style. When he wrote, he only had vague outlines and let the characters evovle on their own instead of as plot devices. So in walks tom bombadil, a hippy who is immune to the ring, has a hotty wife named goldmoon and is theoretically the most powerful force in middle earth. Except he doesn't have anything to do with the story itself. He's just a part of the world. Even Tolkien said he has no idea what tom is. He's just a character that is powerful enough to stop sauron, but has no stake in the fight so he doesn't care.

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Tom couldn't have stopped Sauron in any real sense. He was the absolute master within the confines of his fairly small domain. As was said at the White Council, he could have resisted him there until the very end, but it's not like he could have gone to Mordor, danced a jig, and brought the whole place down upon itself.

Royal_sl said:

Tom couldn't have stopped Sauron in any real sense. He was the absolute master within the confines of his fairly small domain. As was said at the White Council, he could have resisted him there until the very end, but it's not like he could have gone to Mordor, danced a jig, and brought the whole place down upon itself.

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You're right, but it begs the question of what his domain is exactly, and what would it take to expand that domain.

I mean in the most likely scenario tom would simply lose a battle of attrition. But if, and its a big if, tom decided to spread his domain and attack, what would stop him? He's mostly assumed to be embodiment of middle earth itself. If that's true, which of course is strictly speculation, he could easily take out sauron. The fact that he doesn't care lends more credence to him being Gaia or whatever you would call him. Sauron can't destroy middle earth. He can raze and burn the ground and kill the people on it, but he can't do much more to the earth itself.

But again, Tolkien doesn't even know what he is and what his limits are. He may be exactly what we saw in the text; a child anomoly that can't see past his own world, in this case, his small plot of land.

Edit: tom reminds me of the ruler of the universe in hitchhiker's guide. If the people who want to be in charge are unequivocally the worst choice to do so, what does that say about the guy who is ACTUALLY in charge of EVERYTHING. He's a bit of an absent minded existential imbecile.

Siddar_sl said:

I don't think you can say the elves were defeated as much as they simply chose to leave.

Sauron's old boss was the one who commanded the Balrogs and created the Dragons both of whom Sauron isn't it seems able to command. The elves were able to destroy that head bad guy Melkor in there time. Sauron is simply in command of a remnant of Melkor's army. Galadriel banishes Sauron in hobbit so you have one elf seemingly stronger then Sauron right there.

Sauron is a threat to man simply because humans are just not as strong as the elves were and the elves are leaving middle earth.

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They got their asses kicked and were all going to die until elronds dad convinced the other gods to bail them out, so I am not sure how much credit you should really give the elves. The original elves were definitely strong enough to beat sauron, but they clearly were losing to morgoth even with active help from the demigod spirit things at that time.

j00t_sl said:

He's mostly assumed to be embodiment of middle earth itself. If that's true, which of course is strictly speculation, he could easily take out sauron.

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That's not as clearly true as might seem. Middle-earth itself was not some irresistible force, as was demonstrated by Melkor divesting a portion of his own power into it, bringing corruption and decay (and reducing himself to a physical form in the process). Personally, I think Tom's domain was the place where hecouldbe absolute in his power, even against those dark influences (and Sauron to). Staking it out was how he dealt with those influences, not riding Middle-earth of them altogether, which he probably couldn't do even had he been so inclined.

Chris_sl said:

Part 1, 2 and 6 should be 10 minute prolouges in the other films.

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so said an hollywood studio executive.
Another answered: No way, lets make a trilogy of each.

The movie was alot better than the first and second, to be honest its worth it just to see Dain raping and dwarf shield wall, suck it up guys, this is the best its ever gunna get for fantasy lovers.

CGI battle scenes that don't look any better than a total war game don't really impress me, sorry.

Best review thus far:

The Onion Reviews 'The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Part VI: The Forging of the Rings (or if Muligan beat me up) The Rise of Sauron
Elros Tar-Minyatur and the Numenoreans
Rivendell, Lothlorien, Khazad-dum and Eregion
Celebrimbor and Annatar, the sack of Eregion and the unveiling of Annatar

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Sorry the One Ring of Michael Bay to rule all others has corrupted me and PJ. Cannot resist the precious. Sorry I must beat you up and make sure the precious gets what the precious demands.

Seriously though.. I laughed quite a bit when I read that. If that title ever comes to fruition, we will know that all hope is lost in the industry.

Saruman was still a very clever speaker, but his power as a wizard was stripped from him.