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Uncomfortable Situations
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Lanx
<Prior Amod>
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What's he gonna do? Make friends with an island native? After a beer they all be like
WE WUZ KANGZ N SHIET
and they're not wrong, we did steal Hawaii from their Goku.
Xarpolis
Life's a Dream
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GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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HAHA, man I feel you on this. Father is a "traditional Church guy" of sorts, family was visiting and they decided to arrive super late on Sat night and then sunday morning he drops, "I don't have any pants to wear to church" on me at like 10 minutes to leave. I just basically said, "Screwit, we aren't going, lets just chill since you all had a long day yesterday we can just hang around and relax."
Dad turned it into a super awkward day with pity parties for hours. He was so put-out that he walked about a mile in the rain to get jeans and coffee without telling ANYONE where he was going...the "where he was going" part is important since the he had heart bypass surgery like a year ago. (We thought he was just stepping out to be in the woods during the rain, it's relaxing in there.)
In RE: thread topic and "handling my business"
Sure, I can tell my dad to grow a pair and stop acting like a child and that jesus won't send him to hell for missing ONE day of church. The issue is that, more than likely, I won't see my mom again until my dad dies should my dad decide to pull an "Alpha" card. Do I really wanna deal with all that? Not in the least.
How do I know this would be an outcome? He has a track-record. When his sister got divorced he refused to see her for the better part of 2 decades. This meant that when I got married, I couldn't invite my aunt or my dad wouldn't show up to the wedding.
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You kinda sum it up in the part I chopped. (sorry)
People in positions of power have less to worry about in non-familial situations like the one you mentioned. Familial issues are a little tougher to break down. "Power" isn't just money, it's a never-ending list of things that I want that someone else has (continuing a relationship) and, while you can tell family to pound sand, it is never as easy as just severing the relationship unless it is just a situation of overwhelming abuse.
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An example I was sperging on about on discord a while ago about:
The in-laws came for a visit over M-I-L's birthday.
Wife and I had planned out a ton of things to do but the reins always are in the guests hands and we make it very well known. (We know that if a person is visiting on their vacation, sometimes people just want to sit and do nothing for days.)
That wasn't the issue here, we did a ton of fun stuff, but each day ended with some mishap (completely minor stuff, mom didn't like a BBQ place we chose, Mom was telling a story and dad told us a small tidbit related to the story...ect).
Around rolled sunday and M-I-L wanted to go to a park that is well known here for being full of great views. The plan was, church then doughnuts (family tradition for decades that I wanted to keep rolling) then park then birthday-dinner. Well after church, we were making our way to doughnuts and M-I-L has been making comments like "if I never ate another doughnut ever in my life, I would be fine with that" and I'm just thinking, "Cool, don't order one then.." and getting a little pissed that she is gearing up to have a meltdown that I'll have to sit thru. Well about a thousand feet from the doughnut place she's like, "Wait we aren't going to lunch?" like...no...YOU said you wanted Church..doughnut-place (she okayed earlier in the week)..park..dinner..whatever, we will go right after I grab some to go since we are literally IN the drive-way. I'm in and out in less than like 3 minutes and we are off to the place she wanted for dinner (never mind the park closes at like 4 or 5 pm and it takes about 20-30 to get there and it's like 2 pm when we sit down to lunch). Lunch was loud, the place SHE chose was a sports bar that she was familiar with because it was a national chain, we can't hear each other and we were sitting across from each other, there was a pretty major game on and a lot of people were watching and reacting to it. We are wrapping up and I am at the table, wife got up to deal with the kid.
Finally it hits, M-I-L breaks down. Apparently everyone "hates her", "no one is talking to her", it's her birthday and no one cares. "Is this how you celebrate birthdays in your family, everyone ignores the person?" she asks me.
I didn't know how to respond, if I was to say what was on my mind it would exacerbate the situation. My mind is saying, "No, no one hates you. You literally turn the most fun and eventful situations into stressful endeavors though." but the reality is that even her husband has learned what to do when shit like this happens, shut the fuck up and let her spew her insanity.
She was breaking down for so long we ended lunch around 4pm-ish. Not enough time left to go to the park. Cool, adds to the stress of the encounter.
At this point it's done, their visit is now about how we can avoid walking on landmines and we have 2 days of this left.
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So ya, I can totally tell M-I-L off and give her the once over that I think she needs. I won't though. I am with several FoH people's assessments that she has early onset dementia. I won't ever bring that up though.
All of that is because my wife still wants a relationship with her mom.
So, yay. Following all that up, I get to spend 2 days after christmas with the in-laws without the wife because of work schedules. yay. Should be an amazing christmas!
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Chris
Potato del Grande
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My "M-I-L" (not married yet) just has very long detailed rants at her dogs about how they are looking at her funny or lying in the wrong place, they can't fucking understand english for fucks sake. She sometimes also rants in the same way at her husband who is the quietest man I've ever met and hardly responds. It gets really awkard.
Lanx
<Prior Amod>
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GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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The comically sad part is exactly this, in my case my relative is now going to be providing emotional assistance to people in her community because she was just elected into that position. I can't imagine a person I would want help less from than her when it comes to emotional stability.
I mean imagine this:
You are in the car, Driving...Wife next to you, In-laws and kid in the back.
Mother in law is telling a story and then father in law clarifies one point.
Mother in law then goes on a 5 minute tangent detailing how he always ruins what she is doing and how he spoiled her whole story and he does this all the time.
THAT person is going to be giving emotional advice and support to people. It blows me away.
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That is my Father-in-law. She (MIL) does it with him sitting next to her or in the same room. Wife and I constantly talk about how we will do everything in our power to not let that become a vision of the future for us.
The dude is accomplished too. His career was amazing, he's super brilliant, funny, and pretty relaxed. When he's around our kid, and she ISN'T, he is like god tier grandpa. If she can see him or is around he is super pussy, hands in lap sitting somewhere.
My wife and I have her (MIL) whine down, pitch and all.
"Buuuut [PERSON'S NAME]!" *Super Whiney and high pitched*
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I wish the event I named in my post was the only one but there are really too many to list.
The sad part for us is that the wife and I talked about how we basically shape our behaviour based on her. We talk to her less, we talk more generically (nothing really important) when we do talk, we try to avoid anything that will set her off...which basically sets her off. The whole situation is beyond stupid, it's a zero-sum-game.
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DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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GuardianX, you've got some fucked up people in your life. Thanks for making me feel better towards my (now) relatively benign parents.
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GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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I could go way deeper, unfortunately.
I'll share this one because it's more a comical, unsolved mystery than super drama.
I have a relation that claimed to have been part of a *Cough* Contractor *Cough* company if you catch my drift. I never ever believed this person but they were close enough of a relation that I couldn't just never see them again.
Enough random shit lined up that most people didn't really question it, stuff like cammies in their trunk as well as misc firearms (non-carry state..wtf. also illegal regardless). The cammies bore someone else's name though (lolwtf).
The oddness didn't stop there, years later I asked them what their pay was and they mentioned like 32,000 USD annual. Which, suffice to say, is shockingly low for a person that was involved in "areas of conflict" as well as meeting foreign dignitaries and even the president (Bush at the time). For reference, if you are a...high impact...person of interest, your pay is something like 100k+ typically.
Why does this stick with me? This person constantly flaunts random military stuff and mentioned using their "vet" status to secure a vet loan. (Contractors can't TYPICALLY get vet loans...they aren't vets, unless they are ACTUALLY a vet before / after becoming a contractor.)
The icing on the cake, the person in question is partially deaf and ineligible for service. Their disability would be a massive detriment on any "High Impact" team. Still baffles me that they were driving around with cammies in their trunk and at least a sidearm, I can personally attest to that much.
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Mrs. Gravy
Quite Saucy
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moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Buy her a box of doughnuts for xmas. Revenge is a dish best served with icing.
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GuardianX
Perpetually Pessimistic
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Honestly, all I can think about now is doughnuts, thanksGuardianX It is near midnight, I have to get ready for work in about five hours and I am seriously considering getting out of bed and driving to get doughnuts.
Words don't do this place justice, they make limited batches each morning and sell out pretty frequently. Sometimes they even do specialty ones:
this is basically a 2-3 "bar" style doughnut made into a massive cake doughnut. So big the kid could wear it as a crown.
Do your best at work! lol
Oh man, you don't know how many times I've had gifts "Noped" by the wife, HAHA..
Recipe book from the place I went for doughnuts while they were here? Noped. ( for those interested: https://www.amazon.com/Top-Pot-Hand-Forged-Doughnuts-Secrets/dp/1452102120 )
Pizza cutter? Noped. (Another "If I never have it ever it would be too soon" food of hers)
Eidal
Molten Core Raider
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Trying to be charitable here, but it's entirely possible he gave off the "I live in a basement with my mother, hence why I don't have to work" vibe. Unless the guy was clearly wealthy via ostentatious behavior, my prior would be that A) someone else takes care of him and B) he's ashamed of it and doesn't want to talk about it. The nature of someone's profession/career is typically indicative of character traits; this is not an unfair question to ask someone.
Now -- if your buddy is fine with that interpretation then more power to him... but if he's trying to seduce random women off the streets of Waikiki... well, maybe a better narrative would be in order. That being said, it sounds like he just didn't give a fuck which I can respect.
A5150Ylee
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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I think you're giving these 2 women too much credit in looking for character traits. They were just trying to find out how much money or earning potential he had. Guys want attractiveness, women want (financial) security in partners.
The whole "What do you do? Where do you live?, and What do you drive?" conversation is par for the course in Miami (and probably most major cities). Hell, it's usually her opening after you say hello. It's just all about judging your financial value with some talk of what you own and where you own it. If you said you were fixing up a VW wagon in Miami, she would immediately turn her back to you and start talking to someone else.
The "I don't drive, and I don't work" would not just come across as creepy (which it kinda does), but it would come off as poor, unemployed, and no value. If they kept pushing him for the answers, it might be because he looked presentable and was not obviously poor, so he might just be that golden ticket they were on the hunt for.
TBO, the wealthy people I know don't talk about money or possessions, and the that's all the poor people I know talk about. So honestly these questions always confused me. If a girl I was talking to kept bringing up career, salary, cars, or where I lived, I knew she was broke and looking for a sugar daddy. Best thing to do is just move on.
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ZyyzYzzy
RIP USA
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pharmakos
soʞɐɯɹɐɥd
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Slippery, I would just go get the person, but maybe what you need to do in general is lower your mom's expectations. FE in this case; get the dude's number then send him a text while he's in the air telling him to get a cab and your mom will pay for it.
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That would have been pretty hysterical. I didn't go get him, no clue on what ended up happening. My Mom was telling me he had this big party the other day and he even had a band performing at his place. I had a pretty hard time not asking so why the fuck did you want me to pick up this guy I don't know who has money and other friends?
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