ZyyzYzzy
RIP USA
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Or realize 2 hrs to do them a favor given all the shit they did for you isn't crazy
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Uncomfortable Situations
- Thread starter slippery
- Start date
gshurik
Tranny Chaser
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So I've been invited to go to a party on Saturday with 2 irl friends, but it's a small group of their friends in the party. I don't really drink alcohol much and I'm trying to find ways to not be in a situation where I'll be with a bunch of random people I don't know. I know to some people it sounds ok, but personally I'm not particularly good at making small talk and I'll have nothing in common with the other people at that party.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be saying no to shit like this because it's a good way to get over that awkward feeling when meeting new people, but I absolutely dread it and my stomach is already cramping up at the thought of it. I also can't drive right now so I'm pretty much stuck wherever I end up.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be saying no to shit like this because it's a good way to get over that awkward feeling when meeting new people, but I absolutely dread it and my stomach is already cramping up at the thought of it. I also can't drive right now so I'm pretty much stuck wherever I end up.
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Not a family member, and not even someone on vacation or here to visit. It's someone who lives here and was on vacation elsewhere, I refuse to believe they don't have someone else who could pick them up, someone who actually knows them.
Also, you should learn the difference between being an introvert and having social anxiety, because you appear to believe they are the same thing when they are most definitely not.
I honestly tend to hate the thought of those type of events more than the event itself. I tend to enjoy small gatherings when I go, it's the going that can be difficult. Certain people are impossible to deal with when drunk though.
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Kiroy
Marine Biologist
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Go just incase you hit it off with a girl or make a new dude friend (hard to make male friends as an adult), but have an exit plan. Like tell your buddies beforehand you gotta go at X hour because of Y (make it important enough to leave but not too important) and if you are having fun just say bahh you'll blow it off.
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ToeMissile
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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My wife is like this, gets anxious enough about events with friends that she doesn't want to go, but when I make her go she always says she's glad we did.
I'm not particularly outgoing either, but have an easier time putting myself out there in social settings. Of course, a beer certainly helps.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Nah.
Here's the thing, it's a spectrum, unlike genders. There's three things I look at:
1) how much do I owe the person asking the specific favor (or that I feel it would be reciprocated)
2) how much does the person receiving the help need or deserve it
3) what is the opportunity cost
In the case of the initial example of the mom asking for the rando friend and a two hour drive, 1 is middling at best, 2 is very low (taxi != emergency) and 3 is high. Clearly a bad deal.
Change out 1 to be mom, equation is way different. Change out 2 to be friend lost a tire in terrible Blizzard on the freeway, they may die can you please save them, totally different equation. Change out 3 because you live 10 minutes from the airport and it's a convenient time, eh maybe but I still would say no.
I have helped a random stranger in a shitty situation many times but I don't think taxi service counts as life threatening. Unless you get one of THOSE drivers.
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Denamian
Night Janitor
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That's the one thing that makes the things my Dad asks for a bit less irritating. My grocery bill alone would probably be double what it is because he hasn't figured out how to cook for only 2 people.
Aldarion
Egg Nazi
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Its not terribly important what you label this weakness. Its a weakness to be overcome, not an identity to be embraced as "who you are". Spending a couple hours with a stranger is no big deal, and if something in you makes it feel like a big deal, that is a problem to be solved.
Regardless of whether you pick up this person at the airport or not.
Im not being internet tough here. We all experience social anxiety and many of us are introverts, myself included. If you embrace these things as part of your identity they will become a handicap.
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alavaz
Trakanon Raider
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Being introverted or extroverted is not a strength/weakness. This shit has been around for what like 40 years and at every job you've ever had, you'd think people would know what each means by now. Being either has an influence on your social skills, but does not define them. Either can be shitty with people, fail to set boundaries and volunteer you to give winos they met on the streets a ride home.
I've met plenty of extroverts with social anxiety. It's probably the worst kind because they crave interaction but also have some big hurdles to jump to actually get it.
I've met plenty of extroverts with social anxiety. It's probably the worst kind because they crave interaction but also have some big hurdles to jump to actually get it.
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McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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I'd argue that introversion can be a weakness in many settings. It's much harder to muster up the strength to network, chat, and generally participate in social events. That's not to say it's impossible or awkward, but just exhausting. I'm a massive introvert, but I am also charming as fuck when I need to be. It just takes a lot out of me to turn it on for work events and whatnot. If a social event is really long, my charm can start to wane as I become exhausted from the social interaction. Extroverts don't have that problem, since they tend to thrive on the energy of social interaction.
Like slippery said, introversion and social anxiety are two completely different things, but both can be considered weaknesses imo.
Like slippery said, introversion and social anxiety are two completely different things, but both can be considered weaknesses imo.
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Chysamere
<WoW Guild Officer>
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Some of the advantages of living in Japan
A) My Family is 9 hours flight away. No one asks me for anything.
B) Japanese people don't expect Westerners to be polite. Anytime I'm asked to do something don't want to, I say no, and if asked why, I say because I don't want to.
That being said, it's a simple fact of life that until you tell someone no, they will continue to assume the answer is yes for whatever they want. Doesn't matter if it's work, family, friends or socially.
A) My Family is 9 hours flight away. No one asks me for anything.
B) Japanese people don't expect Westerners to be polite. Anytime I'm asked to do something don't want to, I say no, and if asked why, I say because I don't want to.
That being said, it's a simple fact of life that until you tell someone no, they will continue to assume the answer is yes for whatever they want. Doesn't matter if it's work, family, friends or socially.
alavaz
Trakanon Raider
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Meh I think it's just a grass is greener thing but I suppose your weaknesses are up to you to define. I don't view my introversion as a weakness at all because I absolutely hate to depend on others for anything. Plus I know too many extroverts who just plain bug the fuck out of people - which is also not good for networking.
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I don't really want to derail the thread too much, but there are a lot of misconceptions about being an Introvert that lead people to believe it's a weakness. It's just being different, both have strengths and weaknesses.
Introverts and Extroverts brains are literally wired differently. There have been quite a few studies on it, with a lot of results that might surprise people. Things like being better at writing. Or processing external stimuli faster making them far less likely to miss details while having a faster reaction time. They are more likely to stay calm in stressful situations. There are tons of examples of introverts out there that built huge insanely successful companies. It's more likely that the master of any given field is an introvert.
Introverts and Extroverts brains are literally wired differently. There have been quite a few studies on it, with a lot of results that might surprise people. Things like being better at writing. Or processing external stimuli faster making them far less likely to miss details while having a faster reaction time. They are more likely to stay calm in stressful situations. There are tons of examples of introverts out there that built huge insanely successful companies. It's more likely that the master of any given field is an introvert.
ZyyzYzzy
RIP USA
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Kiroy
Marine Biologist
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The bummer about being an introvert is by natural common sense law extroverts set the rules and shape society / culture. Not that introverts can't do just fine but I'd say they have disadvantages. Most people, especially if they know they swing pretty far one way or the other, should make a concience effort to find / practice a more balanced approach between the two.
I went from extreme extroverts in Jr High and High School, to fairly introverted after boot camp and first couple years in the military, to a fairly good balance between the two the last couple years in the military and through my 20's up until now. I can no problem sit and talk to no one at a party and leave early. I can also pretty easily turn it on and be all spaztastic if I'm in the mood. I think most people can do this and if you don't practice being able to do both you're going to be at a social disadvantage. Pure introverts are weirdos and pure extroverts are annoying fuckfaces.
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LachiusTZ
Rogue Deathwalker Box
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Easiest solution, charge family double to do whatever it is you do for a living. I learned that trick recently. And it works like a charm. "Sure, I'll need a 10k retainer, for you to sign all these PoAs and NDAs".
Other than that, "Not doing it because I'm not comfortable with it" works.
That being said, I'd take a one way ticket to hell for my son, dad, or Grandma.
Other than that, "Not doing it because I'm not comfortable with it" works.
That being said, I'd take a one way ticket to hell for my son, dad, or Grandma.
Mrs. Gravy
Quite Saucy
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You are similar to New (the man I have been dating) in that regard. So of course now I will pay more attention to what you write (and the rest of the inner dwellers here). I appreciate the insight.
I fall along empathic extrovert lines, so I try my damnedest to understand others operational behavior without over compensating or over compromising my own. It's damn tricky sometime because, dammit, the world is supposed to revolve around me!
tyen
EQ in a browser wait time: ____
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pick up the dude so your mom can get laid.
stop being a bitch. No woman will love you more than she does.
Quit being a shitty son
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Kiroy
Marine Biologist
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How often does your wife ask you to pick people up from the airport?
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