When your wife says...

spronk

FPS noob
16,395
13,340
Its an investment for the future
"I just bought some shit I will put in a box somewhere and forget about and donate to Goodwill in 2 years without even remembering why I bought it"

I know the difference between quality and a cheap knockoff
"I spent $2000 on a purse that is identical to a $20 purse"

Its for the kids
"I bought some shit for myself but disguised it among 20 things for the kids"

Why do you have so many video games
"Its time to buy some new shoes for myself"

We need to talk
"We need to talk about some shit you gotta do, I'm perfect"

 

...

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
2,481
6,617
93d 17h 39m
My wife is cheapskate supreme.

So she will say shit like:
"We can't afford that!"
We can but first I have to force it
 
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fred sanford

Trakanon Raider
712
1,422
67d 14h 46m
Can I drive your car today, mine has 1/4 tank?

Translation:
gas-tank-empty.jpg
 

Hateyou

Not Great, Not Terrible
<Bronze Donator>
10,677
29,186
Can I drive your car today, mine has 1/4 tank?

Translation:
gas-tank-empty.jpg

This happens to me so much I send pics to my friend to see how low of a record she can get it. Lowest so far was 13 miles to empty. She also doesn’t fill her tank up every time because “I hate going to the gas station” even though this means she’s actually going more often. So whenever I send my friend a low gas pic he replies “Looks like it’s time for a quarter tank”

It also happens a lot before we’re going somewhere time related, and we’re already running late because they wait til the last possible second to start their makeup. One particular time I was bitching about it and she snapped “I’m a big girl I can handle my gas, drop it, I’m sick of you bringing it up.” Two weeks later I get a phone call, she ran out of gas on the way home, could I come get her. She ran out less than a half mile past a gas station too. It was hard for me not to blow up on that call and rub it in. I think staying silent was more effective.
 

Sludig

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
5,414
3,449
74d 5h 37m
This happens to me so much I send pics to my friend to see how low of a record she can get it. Lowest so far was 13 miles to empty. She also doesn’t fill her tank up every time because “I hate going to the gas station” even though this means she’s actually going more often. So whenever I send my friend a low gas pic he replies “Looks like it’s time for a quarter tank”

It also happens a lot before we’re going somewhere time related, and we’re already running late because they wait til the last possible second to start their makeup. One particular time I was bitching about it and she snapped “I’m a big girl I can handle my gas, drop it, I’m sick of you bringing it up.” Two weeks later I get a phone call, she ran out of gas on the way home, could I come get her. She ran out less than a half mile past a gas station too. It was hard for me not to blow up on that call and rub it in. I think staying silent was more effective.
Gas and charging her mother fucking phone. This time around we bought 2 nexus 9+'s same day. I'm eagerly hoping to see if her battery craps out before mine from being stressed running at 2-13% constantly.
 

TJT

Adrenaline Junkie
<Silver Donator>
29,639
67,713
I have a manual and my wife refuses to drive it. I solved this problem in advance.

I don't get how she agonizes over not getting the printer, that we need unless its on sale. But thinks nothing of spending even more than that on some fucking shoes.

Women.
 

Kirun

<Gold Donor>
9,029
11,047
The greatest thing my girlfriend (been together over 3 years - she knows I'll NEVER get married) and I ever did was keep separate accounts. We have literally never had a fight/argument over money...ever. The second greatest thing I ever did was let her know about 3 months into dating, that under no circumstances was she ever allowed to drive my car.

Both of those things have led to a massive reduction in arguments. In the 3 years we've been together, we've only ever had 5-6 major arguments and they were ALL over politics/ideology differences.
 

Sanrith Descartes

I love my shiny new medal, LLR
<Gold Donor>
14,297
36,524
86d 1h 11m
When she says "Do you want to come for a ride with me to pick up <insert child's name>?"

Translation "I'll ride with you to pick up <insert child's name>, i dont feel like driving."
 

Kirun

<Gold Donor>
9,029
11,047
When she says "Do you want to come for a ride with me to pick up <insert child's name>?"

Translation "I'll ride with you to pick up <insert child's name>, i dont feel like driving."

My girlfriend does this shit to me ALL the time. To be fair to her, she was in a horrific car accident at 16 where she was in a 3 month coma, so I kinda get it. Plus, it helps that I fucking LOVE driving.

My other favorite is when she asks, "Hey, are you hungry?"

Translation: "I'm hungry and want you to make a dinner choice". I always answer with, "Not really, but now I know you are. Give me a sec and I'll figure out dinner for us."
 

Haus

<Silver Donator>
5,180
14,763
112d 13h 18m
I swear that Mrs. Haus Mrs. Haus and I were married over a decade before we set each other up as signers on the others checking accounts. But we still both have separate checking accounts.

For many of the comments in here that seem to be along the vein of "Woman says something which I know means she wants to task me with something" or "she says 5 minutes and means an hour" or things like that allow me to speak from the point of view of someone in his 50's who has been married over a decade and a half to the same woman. Roll with it. Learn to measure how much you can let just roll off your back, because I promise you that you have shit that drives her insane as well that she's letting roll off her back because she wants to be with you. ;) The measure of how good a couple is isn't measured in how perfectly they're a match for one another, rather it's measured in how effectively they handle the parts of themselves that AREN'T well matched for one another.
 

Kirun

<Gold Donor>
9,029
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"What do you want for dinner?"

"Give me ideas because I'm hungry and can never make up my fucking mind about food. I'll have you keep giving me options and then chose tjenfirst goddamn thing you said:

The trick is to never give her a choice in the first place. I established very early on that "Homie don't play dat!" when it comes to oscillating on dinner choices for 30 fucking minutes. I always respond with, "I'm making X/I'll make X, want some?" or, "I'm grabbing dinner from Y, what do you want?". At first, she tried the classic, "Ugh, that doesn't sound good!" and I'd always respond with, "Well, that's where I'm grabbing food/that's what I'm cooking. If you don't want that, you should get something you want delivered or go grab something else". It took a few months, but there's never been a point that she won't go along with whatever I choose for dinner.

It took me quite a few relationships to realize that women are just glorified children in many ways and when those areas manifest, you have to treat them accordingly. I feel like they mature "faster" than men (especially socially), but they kinda hit a "wall" in their maturation process. Whereas men don't mature quite as quickly, but we never really stop getting more mature/wiser.
 

Chukzombi

Silver Earl of the Realm
52,289
144,624
272d 15h 46m
The trick is to never give her a choice in the first place. I established very early on that "Homie don't play dat!" when it comes to oscillating on dinner choices for 30 fucking minutes. I always respond with, "I'm making X/I'll make X, want some?" or, "I'm grabbing dinner from Y, what do you want?". At first, she tried the classic, "Ugh, that doesn't sound good!" and I'd always respond with, "Well, that's where I'm grabbing food/that's what I'm cooking. If you don't want that, you should get something you want delivered or go grab something else". It took a few months, but there's never been a point that she won't go along with whatever I choose for dinner.

It took me quite a few relationships to realize that women are just glorified children in many ways and when those areas manifest, you have to treat them accordingly. I feel like they mature "faster" than men (especially socially), but they kinda hit a "wall" in their maturation process. Whereas men don't mature quite as quickly, but we never really stop getting more mature/wiser.
i dont think its a glorified child thing, women are capable of acting like adults. but the wall they hit is definitely a thing. they hit that wall at 30 or so when they realize that whatever feminism promises they were given are bunk and that they would have to rely on a man for certain things for the rest of their lives. then their friends get married and have kids so there is tremendous pressure on them to do the same or be left out in the cold and be regarded by her girlfriends as a spinster(loser). for guys its a little different. we get married and have kids or stay single and be the envy of married men who have to mow the fucking lawn on saturday and take the wife wherever her whims take her. there really isnt much of a stigma for being male and single other than guys think you're a closet fag.
 

Haus

<Silver Donator>
5,180
14,763
112d 13h 18m
On the topic of Dinner Decisions....

A friend of mine and Mrs Haus had a system I actually like. Whoever is bringing up the topic is responsible for coming up with three options. The responder narrows it to two options of the three provided, then the original initiator narrows it to the final choice.