Why do men keep putting me in the Girlfriend-zone?

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Dabamf_sl

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Thread went full retard.

"I have a white shirt"
"There's no way, it's just not possible"
"I have one, and here is why and how I obtained one"
"I just don't see how you could ever wear a white shirt"
"I have one, and I just told you how and why"
"It's not possible"
 
Kirun

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Dabamf_sl said:
Thread went full retard.

"I have a white shirt"
"There's no way, it's just not possible"
"I have one, and here is why and how I obtained one"
"I just don't see how you could ever wear a white shirt"
"I have one, and I just told you how and why"
"It's not possible"
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Congrats? You're able to put up with women's bullshit without the added benefit of sticking your cock in them. I don't know what you want here. You want us to admit that men are capable of doing it? Sure, they are. However, I question the mental state and emotional neediness of any man willing to put up with women that they don't get to bang.

It also depends on what you consider a "friend", as well. If it's some random chick you talk to a few times a month or hang out with every now and then, I don't necessarily consider that a "friend". If that's what we're calling a friend these days, then I have tons of them. A real "friend" is somebody who will help you move a fucking couch down 8 flights of stairs, at 2am if need be. Not some chick you have tag along with you at social outings once a month.
 
D

Dumar_sl

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Kirun_sl said:
Not some chick you have tag along with you at social outings once a month.
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And this is a problem I've talked about before, on the old board, about the commodification of social interaction. Many men have girl 'friends' to do precisely this, to go out with occasionally and 'have fun', except this 'having fun' is mainly about a quantified social value, like adding pictures of you and hot women on Facebook, or meeting hot women through your hot friends. This quantification of what should be a subjective experience, an experience of a 'close friend' is a modern social psychopathology, a societal sickness.
 
yerm

yerm

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Big Phoenix_sl said:
Something is not adding up here, as the only reasons you wouldnt pursue(either just to fuck or be in a relationship) a woman is if;

shes ugly
shes crazy
shes taken
your taken
your gay

I just dont buy that there is a single guy that isnt gay who is going to pass up a woman who is avaliable, shares your interests, and isnt crazy or ugly. It just doesnt happen unless its one of the things I listed, then you will say shes your friend and not pursue her.
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You don't need to be a rocket scientist to agree that any guy would fuck a girl who he is willing and able to fuck. That's common sense.

The stretch here is that you can't add "she doesn't want you" to that list. That's what many of us just don't get. Why can't a chick who isn't attracted to you be your friend the same way a cousin, sister in law, whale, or buddy's girl can be? Yes, if there was NOTHING keeping you from fucking a girl that you'd love to fuck, you would fuck them. No, that doesn't mean just because in some other set of circumstances you'd fuck them that in reality's circumstances you can't just choose to maintain friendship and not entertain sexual desires.


I guess it really comes down to this - just because under the right circumstances you'd fuck someone doesn't mean that you have to let that interfere with your friendship. Whether it's that you'd fuck her if she was willing, or if you were both single, or if you drank enough, or if you were paid enough, or if they put a gun to a child's head and said fuck her or the kid dies, everyone has a point where they'd be willing to fuck a person. You find someone attractive, for one reason or another they don't want to sleep with you - deal with it. I deal with it by being friends and looking elsewhere. If you deal with it by shattering friendships and being "that guy" who whines about the friendzone, well, that's your choice and probably a dumb one.
 
Tanoomba

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I'm sick of hearing about this "friendzoning" bullshit, as if it isn't just a bunch of awkward, antisocial pussies who don't have the balls to express an interest in a girl and then blame the girl for not seeing how awesome and perfect for her he would be.

Awkward moments happen. They're excruciating and awful, but they're part of the learning experience and they're how guys learn to interact with women, particularly women they are interested in. It's difficult to show a clear interest in a girl, especially if you don't know how it will be received, but you can't just work your way around it in order to avoid awkwardness and expect to get the same result in the end. You can't just figure that by spending time with you and seeing that you're charming and sweet and funny, that a girl will "get" that you're into her and a relationship will blossom. You certainly can't figure that by "not being one of those guys who's just trying to get into her pants", that she'll let you into her pants. To be fair, I was an incredibly awkward kid who didn't start dating until relatively late in life, so maybe I'm being too harsh on guys who just haven't reached that developmental stage yet, but this attitude of being "entitled" to some girl who is too foolish to realize what she has in front of her nose is ridiculous.

I've made friends with plenty of girls and, to be fair, attraction was a factor in most of these cases. Some I dated, some I tried and failed to get to the next level with, and some I was completely content with being friend with from the beginning. In any case, every girl I dated required some kind of non-ambiguous signal that there was a romantic interest. It didn't just fall into my lap, and I certainly never blamed the girl if the feeling wasn't mutual. The point is, the majority of guys who whine about being friendzoned would have nothing to complain about if they would grow a pair and express a clear and direct interest in a girl instead of hoping for her to "connect the dots" and initiate a relationship for them rather than risk the embarrassment of rejection.

And while we're on the subject, why is it so hard to believe that men and women can be friends? Women are people, with personalities. Lots of them happen to be interesting people who are a joy to spend time with or talk to. Am I supposed to avoid them as friends because some of them happen to be hot and I can't fuck them? I understand the stereotype about men and their uncontrollable raging libidos, but I can keep my dick in check just fine, thank you very much.
 
Tanoomba

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yerm_sl said:
I guess it really comes down to this - just because under the right circumstances you'd fuck someone doesn't mean that you have to let that interfere with your friendship. Whether it's that you'd fuck her if she was willing, or if you were both single, or if you drank enough, or if you were paid enough, or if they put a gun to a child's head and said fuck her or the kid dies, everyone has a point where they'd be willing to fuck a person. You find someone attractive, for one reason or another they don't want to sleep with you - deal with it. I deal with it by being friends and looking elsewhere. If you deal with it by shattering friendships and being "that guy" who whines about the friendzone, well, that's your choice and probably a dumb one.
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A thousand times YES. I have close friends who believe a friendship with someone one is attracted to is impossible, or pointless, or foolish, and it drives me fucking crazy.
 
M

Mythas 5thboardnow

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except most guys aren't whining in this thread about being friendzoned. They are saying why in the actual fuck would you choose to be friends with a girl you can't bang / have no intentions of banging over a bro.

My wife has her friends many of whom i tolerate because wife. Some i genuinely enjoy their company. However, in no way shape or form would i call them to hang out at any time for any reason. Nor would I consider them "friends" like i would consider some of their S/O's or husbands. I have many good female acquaintances through various channels and we have a good personable relationship, but again, I wouldn't call them friends.

The reason your friends believe that Tanoomba is that its NOT a friendship if you are thinking about sticking your cock in any of her holes. Plain and fucking simple. If you are attracted to them at all ( and are single ) you are simply slow playing.
 
Tanoomba

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Mythas_sl said:
The reason your friends believe that Tanoomba is that its NOT a friendship if you are thinking about sticking your cock in any of her holes. Plain and fucking simple. If you are attracted to them at all ( and are single ) you are simply slow playing.
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You and my friends seem to be of the mind that if you are attracted to a woman, the only reason to spend any time with her at all is to try to get your dick in her.
I happen to strongly disagree. I could be friends with a smoking hottie who I tried and failed to bang, and still remain friends with her because despite the disappearance of any chance of a sexual relationship occurring, she happens to be a person who I respect, admire and am more than happy to spend time with as a friend. First she was a friend I'd have liked to fuck, then she was a friend, and that's totally fine. What's the big deal? It's not like every waking moment I spend with this girl I'm thinking "I wanna fuck you I wanna fuck you I wanna fuck you"... I'm not a fucking caveman. Christ, these arepeoplewe're talking about here.

I'm married now, so I don't really make many new female friends, but I keep in contact with several from my past because we care about what's going on in each other's lives. We were important to each other in a variety of circumstances and for a variety of reasons, and that led to lasting connections we both continue to benefit from. If that's not a friendship, what is?
 
Kirun

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Dumar_sl said:
And this is a problem I've talked about before, on the old board, about the commodification of social interaction. Many men have girl 'friends' to do precisely this, to go out with occasionally and 'have fun', except this 'having fun' is mainly about a quantified social value, like adding pictures of you and hot women on Facebook, or meeting hot women through your hot friends. This quantification of what should be a subjective experience, an experience of a 'close friend' is a modern social psychopathology, a societal sickness.
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And? Don't pretend like women don't use men for the exact same thing. They typically use uglier(than themselves) women, however. I don't usuallywantto engage women socially or "for fun". They have very few engaging or socially fun things that appeal to a man's interest. They can't relate on a lot of levels to men, period. The same way we can't relate to them on a feminine level. Are there certain similarities? Sure, they have some things in common. But the way men and women interact socially is typicallyverydifferent.
 
Void

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We obviously all have different definitions of what a friend is, so it is difficult for everyone to discuss this on equal terms. The "friend" I mentioned earlier I could live without ever speaking to again, so is that really a friend? Probably not, but it is about as close as a female ever comes I guess if I don't want to bang her. Misogynistic, anti-social, whatever you want to call it, that's the reality for me. I only have a couple of truly good friends that would "move a couch up 8 flights of stairs" for me, so maybe I only have 3 real friends? I hope not, but depends on the definition.

The question to me is, is it a failing of men or of women that the majority of men don't want to be friends with a woman unless there is some initial attraction? Is it that we are just that shallow, or is it because they offer very little in the way of actual friendship? Some of both I'm sure, but which is the case most often? If I had to vote it would be that they don't offer what I want in a friendship.
 
yerm

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Mythas_sl said:
My wife has her friends many of whom i tolerate because wife. Some i genuinely enjoy their company. However, in no way shape or form would i call them to hang out at any time for any reason. Nor would I consider them "friends" like i would consider some of their S/O's or husbands. I have many good female acquaintances through various channels and we have a good personable relationship, but again, I wouldn't call them friends.
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Why the fuck not? I have plenty of female friends that I hang out with just to be friends with. Chicks that I choose to hang out with exactly the same way I choose the hang out with dudes.

The problem here is apparently not that it's impossible to be friends with girls you are attracted to. The problem here is that you place zero value in the friendship of a female and choose to only be truly friends with men. I guess that's not a problem so much as your choice; just don't force that sentiment on others. Many of us DO have female friends that we associate with exactly like you and your bros, and see no reason why being female means you can't be just as much a friend as a male.
 
Phazael

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Its a function of age and being in a relationship of your own. When you are younger and looking to fuck anything that moves (and women are generally at their zenith of crazy), you will only put up with women that are either going to put out or serve as a means to get other women to put out. Hell, most male friends at that point are generally just wingmen you use to pack hunt chicks and a lot of guys in that age bracket would not hesitate to nail their supposed best friend's significant other given the chance.

Then you get older and married. You stop giving a shit about the chase and settle in with friends who share your interests. For most guys, this is going to be other guys who are at the same point. Sometimes, you form friendships with other women because that is your social circle. Is there the urge to bang at some point? Yeah, but that's your dick talking and it stopped ruling your life a long time ago. So you ignore that impulse the same way you ignore the urge to punch fuckers in the face for pissing you off like you might have when you were younger. Some people are ruled by their hormones, of course, and its a bad idea for them to have female friends, but it has been my experience that older guys (and women) who have their shit together can have friends of the opposite sex without it being a big deal.

Definitely not the case for the bulk of the age bracket of this board, however, I will agree.
 
Tanoomba

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Phazael_sl said:
Its a function of age and being in a relationship of your own. When you are younger and looking to fuck anything that moves (and women are generally at their zenith of crazy), you will only put up with women that are either going to put out or serve as a means to get other women to put out. Hell, most male friends at that point are generally just wingmen you use to pack hunt chicks and a lot of guys in that age bracket would not hesitate to nail their supposed best friend's significant other given the chance.
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Perhaps this is true in general, but it certainly isn't universal.
Growing up a socially awkward person, I got pretty used to not fucking. Meeting girls and assuming I wouldn't end up in bed with them allowed me to see them as friends instead, and that was fine. When I eventually did start fucking, I didn't lose sight of the value of having female friends so I continued to have them, and that was fine too. It just surprises me how difficult to grasp the concept of a "female friend" is for many guys.

I mean, I get that for some guys it's "pussy or GTFO", and they're certainly entitled to that lifestyle, but why rally behind a "women and men can't be friends" slogan? Does it reassure them about their misogyny? Does it temper the guilt they feel for not seeing women as people worthy of friendship? Does it make them feel better about the potential friendships they allowed their penises to screw up? They don't want female friends, fine, but it's their choice and not because of some divine rule handed down by the gods.
 
Kirun

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Tanoomba_sl said:
I mean, I get that for some guys it's "pussy or GTFO", and they're certainly entitled to that lifestyle, but why rally behind a "women and men can't be friends" slogan? Does it reassure them about their misogyny? Does it temper the guilt they feel for not seeing women as people worthy of friendship? Does it make them feel better about the potential friendships they allowed their penises to screw up? They don't want female friends, fine, but it's their choice and not because of some divine rule handed down by the gods.
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I just don't understand how men can connect with women on a social/interests level. The things women eventually end up sneaking into conversations/want to talk about or do, are things that could not be more diametrically opposed to what I find useful, fun, engaging, etc. I just don't understand what the fuck men get from a female "friendship" that they wouldn't be better served by getting through a male. It has to come down to some sort of emotional neediness that I just don't possess.
 
Chukzombi

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as someone who works with a 10 to one ratio of chicks(only a few id bang) i have to say women make for the worst fucking friends. even chicks cant be friends with other chicks. sure they will go around and be all buddy buddy, but when one of the females is out of earshot you should see the shit spewing that supposed "friend" reveals about them. "oh poor dear, is going through a tough divorce, her husband beats her. her son just got expelled from school. her daughter just got knocked up. she has a drinking problem. i dont like her attitude, she always calls me too late/early" and chicks especially the hot ones have really low esteem, only being friends with "ugly" girls because they have to be the center of attention and using them as an emotional tampon when they have boyfriend problems.

No straight man wants to be in the middle of a bunch of chicks having conversations, because they will mostly talk about clothes, shoes, the other girl who isnt in their circle, the one who dresses like a whore. sure there are certain girls who only want guy friends, other women usually despise them either because they feel threatened or because the guygirl doesnt want to be their friend. even the guygirls suck because they fancy themselves as in tune with guys and youll see them with guys wearing oversized sports shirts talking about inane shit that has nothing to do with the game the men are discussing. most guys just want to bang her so thats why they keep her around. if the guygirl was a dude, theyd have nothing to do with her. the only chicks i have ever felt cool around are lesbians. not even the hot ones, but the butch as fuck dykes. they know the right stuff to talk about, are usually into gaming and you have no urge to fuck them. least not unless you are shitfaced drunk.

TLDR
guys should only be friends with guys and women should only be friends with other women or whatever that pretend shit they call friendship.
 
Tanoomba

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Kirun_sl said:
I just don't understand how men can connect with women on a social/interests level. The things women eventually end up sneaking into conversations/want to talk about or do, are things that could not be more diametrically opposed to what I find useful, fun, engaging, etc. I just don't understand what the fuck men get from a female "friendship" that they wouldn't be better served by getting through a male. It has to come down to some sort of emotional neediness that I just don't possess.
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There you go, you simply don't understand it.
Personally, while I'm sure your post is simply meant to express your point of view, it also encapsulates much of what feminism stands against.
You can't imagine connecting with women on a social/interests level even though women have their own views, opinions, interests, dreams, ideas, and passions, any (or even several) of which you just might happen to share.
"The things women eventually end up sneaking into conversations"... What does this mean? Honestly, I can't even guess. I'm friends with many women and there is nothing they all "sneak into conversations". What do you mean, like shoe shopping or something? Please clarify.
And what do you mean, "that wouldn't be better served by getting through a male"? You make it sound like having a female friend is a compromise somehow. My female friends are each unique individuals who I interact with in completely different ways and under completely different circumstances, and what I get from every single one of them would most certainly not be "better served getting through a male".
Perhaps this "emotional neediness" you perceive is due more to your own issues than it is to any characteristic inherent to the female gender?

In any case, it's certainly possible you can't handle female friends. You seem to admit as much. My point is this is not because "men and women can't be friends", it's because "youand women can't be friends". Some of us have female friends and value those friendships as much as we do all our friendships, thank you very much.
 
Tanoomba

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Maester Chuk_sl said:
TLDR
guys should only be friends with guys and women should only be friends with other women or whatever that pretend shit they call friendship.
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There so many things wrong with your entire post. This is why we need feminism.
 
Famm

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Astro is right about something for a change. What the fuck do you do with these women "friends"? The vast majority of women are vapid, shallow, scheming, gossipy backstabbers. Their only hobbies being talking on the phone, Facebook, reality TV, and status whoring at the "club". Any "cool" girl who can hang in manly pursuits is usually taken and their boyfriends and husbands aren't letting her spend time one on one with some other dude. And its definitely actually the younger guys who still harbor this concept of platonic friendship. As you get older, especially if you aren't married but in many ways even if you are, you realize more how worthless female companions are outside of getting laid.
 
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