You know you're getting old when.....

Burren

Burren

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a c i d.f l y said:
Prostate exam involves a finger up your butt. Colorectal exam involves a camera on a long tube that sprays air as it goes up your butt, and you'll be farting all day afterward. You also have to consume a water mixture that makes you shit your guts out all night before the procedure. They're both not a whole lot of fun. Having a desk job, hemorrhoids are pretty regular, even with a fancy pants spring memory foam padded Serta chair. Ass pain and Prep H are just something I live with now.
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Hmm, guess you're right. I just had the colonoscopy and it required 28 hours of fasting, plus drinking that god-awful mixture, then being put under. Aside from the drink you have to take, it was fine.
 
Haus

Haus

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That godawful mixture alone makes me avoid having a colonoscopy... My ass will probably just eventually fall out or something. My doc still does the prostate exam with a finger, but she's got petite little Latina fingers, so it's all good.
 
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lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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Haus said:
That godawful mixture alone makes me avoid having a colonoscopy... My ass will probably just eventually fall out or something. My doc still does the prostate exam with a finger, but she's got petite little Latina fingers, so it's all good.
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Does she look deeply into your eyes while she's doing the examination?
 
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Guurn

Guurn

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When your doctor tells you that you have cancer and you think to yourself, oh that's no big deal I've done this before.

When you hear someone talk about their fear of death and you reply that you've died once and it wasn't big deal.
 
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BoozeCube

BoozeCube

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When your fucking back hurts.

images
 
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a c i d.f l y

a c i d.f l y

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Haus said:
That godawful mixture alone makes me avoid having a colonoscopy... My ass will probably just eventually fall out or something. My doc still does the prostate exam with a finger, but she's got petite little Latina fingers, so it's all good.
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My doctors have all been male. :(
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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First doctor that gave me the finger had fingers that looked like sausages. I have big hands, but his index finger (which is what I assumed he used) was about the size of 2 of my fingers. The worst part is, I was in my 20's and I don't know why he felt I needed a prostate exam. I mentioned it to future doctors when I went in for checkups, and none of them could ever figure out why he did it either. Whatever he saw he apparently didn't make a note in the medical records they saw. So I guess I've been old since my early 20's.
 
a c i d.f l y

a c i d.f l y

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Sat through a 90m all hands meeting today, lady next to me when we got up to leave made the comment, "I really feel old when getting up out of those seats and my everything hurts." lol, truth.
 
Aaron

Aaron

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Hoss said:
First doctor that gave me the finger had fingers that looked like sausages. I have big hands, but his index finger (which is what I assumed he used) was about the size of 2 of my fingers. The worst part is, I was in my 20's and I don't know why he felt I needed a prostate exam. I mentioned it to future doctors when I went in for checkups, and none of them could ever figure out why he did it either. Whatever he saw he apparently didn't make a note in the medical records they saw. So I guess I've been old since my early 20's.
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Are you sure it was his finger in you? I mean, did you look behind you and see his finger going into your butthole? Cos if not...
 
Junky

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When u have to keep adjusting ur sack because the boys keep sticking to your legs
 
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Izo

Izo

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Hoss said:
First doctor that gave me the finger had fingers that looked like sausages. I have big hands, but his index finger (which is what I assumed he used) was about the size of 2 of my fingers. The worst part is, I was in my 20's and I don't know why he felt I needed a prostate exam. I mentioned it to future doctors when I went in for checkups, and none of them could ever figure out why he did it either. Whatever he saw he apparently didn't make a note in the medical records they saw. So I guess I've been old since my early 20's.
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I could never reach the top of the prostate with my sausage fingers. But I'll give it a good try, I tells you. It's the high point of the day.
 
L

Lenardo

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i said fuck that to the colonoscopy - my ass and colon are egress only thank you very much- and took the take home test you mail to the lab.. or rather, i keep SAYING i'll take the take home test, i have yet to actually DO the take home test though i have gotten 2 of them in the past 2years... i'm 52.
 
Burren

Burren

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Lenardo said:
i said fuck that to the colonoscopy - my ass and colon are egress only thank you very much- and took the take home test you mail to the lab.. or rather, i keep SAYING i'll take the take home test, i have yet to actually DO the take home test though i have gotten 2 of them in the past 2years... i'm 52.
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Yeah...pretty dumb. GL to you.
 
Synj

Synj

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Reporting back, got the camera up the peener, not comfortable at all but it could have been worse.

Big prostate blocking up my pisshole but nothing malignant. Talking about doing a lift to open it up so I can piss normal again. In office procedure under sedation.

Next step is rectal US to get my exact prostate measurements. Joy.

Also: thank god I didn't go into urology. Pissholes and assholes all day every day. Fuck that noise.
 
Fogel

Fogel

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Synj said:
Reporting back, got the camera up the peener, not comfortable at all but it could have been worse.

Big prostate blocking up my pisshole but nothing malignant. Talking about doing a lift to open it up so I can piss normal again. In office procedure under sedation.

Next step is rectal US to get my exact prostate measurements. Joy.

Also: thank god I didn't go into urology. Pissholes and assholes all day every day. Fuck that noise.
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So you only avoided the pissholes?
 
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gshurik

gshurik

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Eating anything remotely unhealthy makes me feel like death the morning after.

What the fuck is a food hangover and why is bread an asshole
 
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a c i d.f l y

a c i d.f l y

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gshurik said:
Eating anything remotely unhealthy makes me feel like death the morning after.

What the fuck is a food hangover and why is bread an asshole
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Discovered I'm pretty lactose intolerant, and acidic stuff like cheap pizza sauce gives me horrible indigestion. I basically blow out the next day after eating mac n cheese, and pizza has been all but removed from my diet. Bread is fine. Found most people blame bread, or noodles, but 99% of the time it's actually cheese or dairy products. :-\
 
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Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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For those that don't want to go the colonoscopy route there is now Cologuard. Basically you shit into a plastic container with a nuclear grade lid and mail it off for DNA testing that can discern whether you have cancer or not. If it comes back positive THEN you get a colonoscopy/
 
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