Dating

Koushirou said:

I was hoping that everyone I’ve talked to basically being in agreement would help me just get over it and try, but I’ve already found myself trying to distance from him.

Simple question:

Am I more likely to figure out if I actually love this guy by staying with him and constantly getting fed external validation that I crave so much or by taking a break and seeing if the novelty wears off or if I still miss and want him after learning to be on my own?

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Everyone in agreement just makes your woman brain ("Don't tell me what to do!!") dig its heels in harder. The bottom line is the same. You won't know unless you take the risk and if the downside is unbearable for you then you probably are not ready to date and won't be for a while, realistically. You know you are up against the clock on this and opportunities for a working relationship are few and far between as you get older, especially as a woman. Ultimately you have to decide yourself, but don't let feelings and some impossible standard you have set internally prevent you from seeking happiness. That is the road to never ending depression and being forever alone, and you do not want that for yourself.

We’re going to try it. My mom offered to come up and house/cat sit for me while I go up to stay with him for a week. Just gotta wait for her to come back from her vacation and take care of some stuff where she lives then we can pick out a week.

The nausea’s finally mostly settled down the past day or two. Gonna try to at least have some strategies for dealing with that because we all know this won’t be the only anxiety spell I get about this, but I don’t want to make decisions based on fear anymore.

Thanks guys as always for keeping me only mildly retarded instead of full retard.

Good luck.

Izo said:

She should deffo post on FoH - we got lots of brown and guid officer titles.

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As much as we would like to believe it, we are simply not up to the high standards of racism and hatred that Asians operate on. She probably would be bored here.

Koushirou said:

Just, please, don’t show him my Politics post history…

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Contrarily, this could actually be a cheat code. Introduce him to who you really are. He either nopes out, or he wants you even more. Win/win.

Cad said:

You never figure out if you love someone by breaking up with them or separating. That is romance novel or movie stuff.

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My first girlfriend, her Jewish parents really wanted her to break things off with me and that was one of their plays.

"Stay away from him for a while and if it's meant to be then you'll get back together"

She bought into it fully, having watched lots of romance movies. Having some distance just made it easier for her to stay broken-up with me, since every time she saw me she'd end up wanting to get back together because I made her laugh, cheered her up, was doting, and so on. So her parents got her to "put some space" on the relationship to "see if it's meant to be"

All I can say is... "lol"

We both just sort of moved on before long because nothing was happening, and my attempts to get together were met with "but we gotta have distance to see if it's meant to beeeeee" until I went "alright fuck this then" and told her off. Which I'm guessing was the exact desired result for her dad.

TLDR: "Figuring out if you love someone" by separating is a bunch of bullshit and used by manipulative people to force an actual real separation.

Hoss said:

Also, I think you misunderestimate your ability to be on your own. I read about your worthless ex. You were basically on your own all those years raising a child.

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Koushirou This is true

Koushirou said:

Just, please, don’t show him my Politics post history…

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Do it, weed him out if he can't handle it.

If he's from NYC, holy shit, good luck.