Depression

Aldarion · Jan 2, 2026

Gavinmad said:
I find it hard to imagine anything at all being easier to do in Illinois, much less adoption.

I didn't say it made sense, I can't pretend to understand why it is that way. Maybe its that they have surplus babies in need of adoption so they're motivated to make it easier / cheaper. All I know is they pursued it in multiple states and that was the best option all 4 times.

sleevedraw · Jan 2, 2026

Gavinmad said:
I find it hard to imagine anything at all being easier to do in Illinois, much less adoption.

IL's DMV is fucking awful, but states can be really quirky and have very seamless paperwork in some areas and chock full of red tape in others.

The power grid in Illinois historically was great due to it being mostly nuclear (lot of nuke talent at U of I and at Fermilab), and it has a deregulated supplier market like Texas. I've also had nursing licenses in about 10 states over my career, and Illinois was on the "easier" side of the continuum as far as the application process. Not the easiest (probably Nevada who had my approval back to me in less than 2 weeks), but generally seamless.

And bear in mind this is coming from an ex-Illinoisian who likes to talk shit about the state every chance I get.

Cutlery · Jan 2, 2026

Big Phoenix said:
You arent the only who deals with this. I havent spoken with my sister for going on close to a year now and I work with her. My brother went over to her house tonight for new years but of course I wasnt invited.

Its sad when I stop and think about it but what are you going to do?

Mostly, I just laugh.

I moved out the day I turned 18, because my parents are mostly narcissistic assholes. Like, for no reason either. It's basically like they sit around all day thinking up ways to fuck with their kids.

Anyway, after like 7 or 8 years of that, I started talking to them tepidly, you know, like Xmas and Easter kinda shit for a couple years. Then they kicked my sister out of the house because she had the decency to call them and say she was spending the night at her BF's. She was 22 when this happened. But nope - not coming home? Just move the fuck out. I took my sister in, and told them I was done dealing with their shit. That was....15 years ago now? I think so. Haven't spoken to them since.

Anyway, Im sorting thru the mail a week or so ago and I see cards addressed to both my daughters in a familiar handwriting. Told my oldest to open hers, Christmas card from my parents with $50 in it, and "Sorry we've missed so many Christmases"

Okay. Fine, it's a start. Except - both the kids live with me. They have to know id get the mail and see them. Anything addressed to me? No. Note saying "hey, sorry for being collosal fuckups, but we're old now and are regretting our lives now that no one wants anything to do with us."? Nope. No call, no text, no nothing. Just comical. What are you hoping for to accomplish with this?

Thankfully my oldest had the correct response. "Well, I'll take their money, but I have no interest in having a relationship with grandparents that have no interest in having a relationship with my father."

100% sure that the problems in the world are all caused by boomer parents. I seemed to have raised my kids right and done well by them, but God fucking damn, my parent's generation is just fucked up.

Cad · Jan 2, 2026

Cutlery said:
Mostly, I just laugh.

I moved out the day I turned 18, because my parents are mostly narcissistic assholes. Like, for no reason either. It's basically like they sit around all day thinking up ways to fuck with their kids.

Anyway, after like 7 or 8 years of that, I started talking to them tepidly, you know, like Xmas and Easter kinda shit for a couple years. Then they kicked my sister out of the house because she had the decency to call them and say she was spending the night at her BF's. She was 22 when this happened. But nope - not coming home? Just move the fuck out. I took my sister in, and told them I was done dealing with their shit. That was....15 years ago now? I think so. Haven't spoken to them since.

Anyway, Im sorting thru the mail a week or so ago and I see cards addressed to both my daughters in a familiar handwriting. Told my oldest to open hers, Christmas card from my parents with $50 in it, and "Sorry we've missed so many Christmases"

Okay. Fine, it's a start. Except - both the kids live with me. They have to know id get the mail and see them. Anything addressed to me? No. Note saying "hey, sorry for being collosal fuckups, but we're old now and are regretting our lives now that no one wants anything to do with us."? Nope. No call, no text, no nothing. Just comical. What are you hoping for to accomplish with this?

Thankfully my oldest had the correct response. "Well, I'll take their money, but I have no interest in having a relationship with grandparents that have no interest in having a relationship with my father."

100% sure that the problems in the world are all caused by boomer parents. I seemed to have raised my kids right and done well by them, but God fucking damn, my parent's generation is just fucked up.

Something about the generation above us (I'm Gen X) or the one above them that saw children as either competition or an opportunity to relive your childhood through them, and very little of the "we just want you to succeed" attitude.

Nothing wrong with cutting your parents or family off if they are shitty people. Blood doesn't make them less shitty.

Synj · Jan 6, 2026

Cutlery said:
Mostly, I just laugh.

I moved out the day I turned 18, because my parents are mostly narcissistic assholes. Like, for no reason either. It's basically like they sit around all day thinking up ways to fuck with their kids.

Anyway, after like 7 or 8 years of that, I started talking to them tepidly, you know, like Xmas and Easter kinda shit for a couple years. Then they kicked my sister out of the house because she had the decency to call them and say she was spending the night at her BF's. She was 22 when this happened. But nope - not coming home? Just move the fuck out. I took my sister in, and told them I was done dealing with their shit. That was....15 years ago now? I think so. Haven't spoken to them since.

Anyway, Im sorting thru the mail a week or so ago and I see cards addressed to both my daughters in a familiar handwriting. Told my oldest to open hers, Christmas card from my parents with $50 in it, and "Sorry we've missed so many Christmases"

Okay. Fine, it's a start. Except - both the kids live with me. They have to know id get the mail and see them. Anything addressed to me? No. Note saying "hey, sorry for being collosal fuckups, but we're old now and are regretting our lives now that no one wants anything to do with us."? Nope. No call, no text, no nothing. Just comical. What are you hoping for to accomplish with this?

Thankfully my oldest had the correct response. "Well, I'll take their money, but I have no interest in having a relationship with grandparents that have no interest in having a relationship with my father."

100% sure that the problems in the world are all caused by boomer parents. I seemed to have raised my kids right and done well by them, but God fucking damn, my parent's generation is just fucked up.

Oh I didn’t know this thread was about shit talking boomers! Fuck yeah!

I agree 100%. Meanwhile, boomer parents are so fucking entitled, they think their kids are ingrates and how dare they not repair the broken relationships that they fucking broke. It’s outrageous. My mom was telling me about her friend’s daughter that was estranged and how sad it was that she had given up on her mom. I was like, you mean the one whose mom was an alcoholic and let her daughter get molested by her stepdad? That fucking mom???

“Well, she didn’t know.” Fucking boggles my mind.

Also my mom, guilting me for leaving my 10 and 12 year old alone for an hour while I go grocery shopping, zero irony around the fact that I was a latchkey kid at 5. I brought up the irony of her new found parenting skills and she gaslit me and assured me that I was not in fact a latchkey kid and no way was I ever left home alone. Okay (boomer) mom.

Worst generation ever.

Haus · Jan 7, 2026

Synj said:
Oh I didn’t know this thread was about shit talking boomers! Fuck yeah!

I agree 100%. Meanwhile, boomer parents are so fucking entitled, they think their kids are ingrates and how dare they not repair the broken relationships that they fucking broke. It’s outrageous. My mom was telling me about her friend’s daughter that was estranged and how sad it was that she had given up on her mom. I was like, you mean the one whose mom was an alcoholic and let her daughter get molested by her stepdad? That fucking mom???

“Well, she didn’t know.” Fucking boggles my mind.

Also my mom, guilting me for leaving my 10 and 12 year old alone for an hour while I go grocery shopping, zero irony around the fact that I was a latchkey kid at 5. I brought up the irony of her new found parenting skills and she gaslit me and assured me that I was not in fact a latchkey kid and no way was I ever left home alone. Okay (boomer) mom.

Worst generation ever.

View attachment 614698

My mom is 75. And I don't know if this confirms of refutes your opinion.. but... I consider the best thing she ever did for me was letting my grandparents adopt me and raise me as their 5th kid (her being their 4th). Now my half sister and I have to split duties caring for her, but I still love her.

Izo · Jan 7, 2026

We stuff the oldies in homes. And children in daycare. Maybe that's why we're the 2nd happiest people on the planet. Full speed ahead!

Synj · Jan 7, 2026

Haus said:
My mom is 75. And I don't know if this confirms of refutes your opinion.. but... I consider the best thing she ever did for me was letting my grandparents adopt me and raise me as their 5th kid (her being their 4th). Now my half sister and I have to split duties caring for her, but I still love her.

I love my mom, she helps me a lot with transporting my kids and I’m certainly grateful. But there’s a lot of crazy shit there, and I’ve talked about how she turned me into the emotional parent at a very young age and continues to be the child in our relationship.

Haus · Jan 7, 2026

Synj said:
I love my mom, she helps me a lot with transporting my kids and I’m certainly grateful. But there’s a lot of crazy shit there, and I’ve talked about how she turned me into the emotional parent at a very young age and continues to be the child in our relationship.

This is essentially the relationship between my mom and I. She was essentially the big sister black sheep who couldn't manage her life at all, while I was the younger sibling who actually took after the people who raised him, so has to be the "responsible" one.

Goatface · Friday at 9:14 PM

saw a new counselor this week, she is a little odd, but asked better questions that the other chick.
been on vilazodone for about 7 weeks now, no side effect so far. next week, talk to the nurse again about changes (upping dose/adding other meds/etc) my
for a recap,
in sept my dad went into the hospital for couple of week, after that he was put under hospice care. always knew i had some issues but was able to keep them in check. dad's issues were just little to much. so looked into getting help.
my evaluation in October, said i had major depression, unresolved grief and insomnia.
i am currently living with my mom and dad to help take care of him. when this started they gave him a couple of day to a month, but he is still going. there have been a lot of ups and downs and he is slowly getting worse. today he had a very bad day and fear could sign of really bad days to come. this afternoon, had first anxiety spell in a while, but was able to keep it under control for the most part.

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Depression

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