Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Khane

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Honestly I just don't really feel like typing it all out and getting into it. I'll give you a short version of the events in a vacuum.

We had been talking about going to see Thor:Ragnarok over the weekend. We were at a friend's house party on Saturday night discussing if we would go see it after we got done there. We were out celebrating her sister's birthday at a local brewery Sunday night talking about it as well.

On Monday she texted me her stomach was bothering her. I asked her why and she said she thought it was the popcorn she had at the movie theatre Sunday morning. I asked her what movie she saw. She said Thor. I said "What the fuck?" and it escalated from there.

This whole thing was honestly just an excuse for me to end things with her though. I've known for quite a while I was going to end things and it really didn't have anything to do with this incident.
 
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Noodleface

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A true Costanza would break up with her for eating popcorn alone because the kernel would get stuck in her teeth.

In any case sorry
 

A5150Ylee

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Honestly I just don't really feel like typing it all out and getting into it. I'll give you a short version of the events in a vacuum.

We had been talking about going to see Thor:Ragnarok over the weekend. We were at a friend's house party on Saturday night discussing if we would go see it after we got done there. We were out celebrating her sister's birthday at a local brewery Sunday night talking about it as well.

On Monday she texted me her stomach was bothering her. I asked her why and she said she thought it was the popcorn she had at the movie theatre Sunday morning. I asked her what movie she saw. She said Thor. I said "What the fuck?" and it escalated from there.

This whole thing was honestly just an excuse for me to end things with her though. I've known for quite a while I was going to end things and it really didn't have anything to do with this incident.

FWIW, that would have pissed me off too. And I was always looking for a reason to dump a relationship before sliding into the holidays. Holidays are WAY better if you are single and don't have to live with all their drama, family, and presents bullshit. Dump in November before Thanksgiving and don't get back in one until after Valentines. That gets you the sexy (whatever) for Halloween roleplay sex and all the desperate hookups looking for a man for Valentines while not having to shell out money for expensive gifts and playing nice with her family who hate you anyway.
 
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A5150Ylee

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Halloween roleplay sex?

Ya. You don't think they dress up like a sexy-whatever just to be seen at the parties? The goal is to attract a hookup for the night and to have someone make them feel as sexy as they dressed up. Halloween is a time where people get to dress up and act like they really want to for a night. The amount of 'naughtiness' on Halloween is only rivaled by that of maybe Saint Patrick's Day.

If you've not had your fill of sexy maids, sexy cops, sexy cats, or sexy devils then you are doing something wrong.
 

Deathwing

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I guess I would just call that sluts on Halloween. I was envisioning some Dracula on Bride of Frankenstein action.
 
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Big_w_powah

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Ya. You don't think they dress up like a sexy-whatever just to be seen at the parties? The goal is to attract a hookup for the night and to have someone make them feel as sexy as they dressed up. Halloween is a time where people get to dress up and act like they really want to for a night. The amount of 'naughtiness' on Halloween is only rivaled by that of maybe Saint Patrick's Day.

If you've not had your fill of sexy maids, sexy cops, sexy cats, or sexy devils then you are doing something wrong.

Sexy Leprechauns?
 

lurkingdirk

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I was snipped over 5 years ago and I told my wife that if we ever get pregnant again I still trust her but we will do a DNA test so that there is never a question 10 years later during a fight. She has agreed that this is the most logical way to do it and that since we agreed upon it as part of the process there shouldn't be as much animosity if that day ever comes.

We had the same bloody conversation. We may be leading parallel lives, and that scares me.

We actually know a couple who got pregnant after a botched vasectomy. After DNA testing, and sperm count testing, and talking to a lawyer, the doctor's insurance didn't even blink when they were asked to pay out a gigantic fucking sum. They "had" to get a larger house, had only planned college saving for two kids, blah blah blah. you can imagine.
But, what impresses me the most is that when the wife told the husband she was pregnant (after he got a vasectomy), he didn't flip his shit out at all. He immediately had the "are there swimming things in my ejaculant" test and found out he did, in fact, have active sperm. He was initially mad as you can imagine, but he said to her that he was going to stay somewhere else that night so no one said/shouted anything they regretted if they found out everything was kosher. What also impresses me is that the wife, though she knew she hadn't cheated, totally respected that and supported him.

It's like talking these things through as they are happening is a good thing.
 
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a_skeleton_03

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He was initially mad as you can imagine, but he said to her that he was going to stay somewhere else that night so no one said/shouted anything they regretted if they found out everything was kosher. What also impresses me is that the wife, though she knew she hadn't cheated, totally respected that and supported him.
Yeah that's why we had the discussion before it's even a possible scenario. We know way in advance exactly how we are going to deal with it in the event that it happens!

We should do an episode of wife swap for the forum and see if we are pretty much the same person.
 
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Mrs. Gravy

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Khane - sorry it didn't work out for you. I would have broken up with her too.
I actually am evaluating what I want for myself with regard to New but the possibility I may kick him to the curb exists.
 
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lurkingdirk

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Yeah that's why we had the discussion before it's even a possible scenario. We know way in advance exactly how we are going to deal with it in the event that it happens!

We should do an episode of wife swap for the forum and see if we are pretty much the same person.

I'm game, but your wife may not want to trade back. My penis is bigger.

Other than that I'm sure we're identical.
 
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Dalven

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I don't often post but here I am as a passenger on a 5 hour drive home in the middle of the night and I'm mad as fuck so here goes.

Tonight my now ex girlfriend left me for someone else. A bit of background - we've been together a year and a half, I run a touring cinema company and she is a failed musician/admin worker. We're both in our early 30s. Things were fine for the first 10 months - we went travelling together, enjoyed partying together and generally were happy spending time in each others company.

This all changed about the start of this year - she went down to London to play with some mediocre musicians (we live in Edinburgh). She made a few contacts, had a good time and came back and was quite happily working her day job and gigging at weekends. About 6 months ago one of these dudes in London got in touch and asked her to organise a tour of Scotland for his band and rather than paying her offered for her to put together a support band and split the proceeds 50/50. This guy claimed if she sorted the venues he had a ton of great PR agencies to promote it. She unsurprisingly jumps at the chance and I'm pretty enthusiastic for her. As time progresses this takes up more and more of her time and she quits her job. I wasn't delighted about this but she was scraping her rent with gig and dole money and I was pretty much paying for every other aspect of our lifestyle. She then falls out with her entire family over a heap of shite, I obviously side with her and support her through this. She then falls ill with a bit of cluster headaches (look it up, it's brutal) and I nurse her through the 3 month bout of this.

All this while I'm working myself into the ground doing 50-60 hour weeks as my business grows quick and very quickly becomes a constant ballache. I knuckle down to ensure me and her stay afloat. After a few months of this I've noticed changed in my demeanour - miserable all the time, don't have time to go drinking with my pals anymore, no time to read, go to the cinema. I can't even do anything with her because paying for both of us from everything become unaffordable. It affects us, we talk and we seem to get where each other are coming from and all is well.

6 weeks ago she goes on this tour and it's a massive flop. She's weeping in my arms the two nights she's back after the first couple of dates closer to home then she's away for two weeks. She makes it back, a bit more optimistic than when she left but effectively did 6 months work without getting paid and left us both struggling. The following two weeks she literally doesn't have a penny ti her name so I find myself putting my hand in my pocket again and getting us through it. During this time she's keeping in touch with some of the dudes she was touring with. I then depart to work away for 17 days.

The first 10 days everything seems fine, we talk every day as normal and then communication trickles off until the last 3 days she isn't answering my texts or calls. She's started a new job so I'm cutting her some slack but getting concerned. I pin her down on fb messenger last night and say I'm looking forward to getting back on Friday, what's she up to? she's acting strange, saying she'll come up and see me on Sunday and pretty much nothing else.

I try to call her a couple of times today but nothing and at this point I know something is up. I ring her and eventually she answers and I demand to know what's going on. Eventually she tells me she thinks it's not working out. I ask her if someone else is involved and she says yes. I immediately name the person from this tour she's been mentioning the most to me recently and she says no and she's not going to tell me. I eventually drag it out of her and it is indeed the guy I first named. He lives in London and she says she's gotten to know him well over FB and this is how she feels. She starts daying some bullshit about how we don't talk anymore and how I work too much. I demand to know if she cheated on me while touring and she still denies it but I'm pretty sure she's lying. Fucking bitching even phoned me up for money while she was away.

I'm about as angry as I've ever been. I just can't get my head around it. The bitch has clearly used me and has dropped me for some cunt she's known less than two months. Literally don't know what to do.

Tldr I'm a fucking fool. Cheers for reading
 
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SeanDoe1z1

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What kind of tests are you talking about? Ancestry / 23 and me? Or something else?

Yeah I was saucing on that. You would have to find a clinic that does it, they are not hard to find online. Nothing is admissible, but paternity is a 100 % / 0 %. My sad story is a mistake my wife and her long term HS ex made in their early 20s. Guy was apparently told he was impotent after sperm donation in college. They broke up after graduating in a big fight about relocating and rebounded with a coworker on a one nighter shortly after, apparently wearing a condom (yeah, sure...I believe either party there). Pregnant the next month.

Wife assumes original ex is dad, tells him. Does know about rebound & condom. Does usual abortion or adoption line. Wife just really wanted to tell him and he doesn't have to be in life if he didn't want to, she had plenty of support.

Kicker is, the guy said he was going to take a paternity test after birth. Wife just assumed this happened, because every protest stopped after he had the baby for the weekend to do the "test". I get the biased side of the story, I get it. I question a lot of how everything went down. The thing is it never really altered how I entered this relationship and we're on kid #3 in decent careers living a good life, I am just upset the step kid gets the raw deal in life for shitty decision making from day 1.

The simple solution was to do a paternity test herself or court order one. Now every party is married (including the actual biological father, the rebound) with their own kids and careers. 10 years later and I have to guess the dad got pressure from his wife to try to have kids and an actual paternity test was conducted last year when he probably really was shooting blanks. Ex will always be the dad regardless of situation, but he has been pulling back quite a bit lately and gave up probably a 1/4 of his time to move downstate for a decent promotion a couple months after the paternity results. Don't think that is a coincidence.

Grown adults could figure this out in an amicable way, but lawyers have a great way of turning grown adults into spoiled children. Everyone has money so its amplified to a degree it makes me sick hearing anything about it, literally have a rule to only include me when it impacts scheduling and/or my other kids are impacted in some major way.

Trust, but verify...amirite.
 

SeanDoe1z1

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We had the same bloody conversation. We may be leading parallel lives, and that scares me.

We actually know a couple who got pregnant after a botched vasectomy. After DNA testing, and sperm count testing, and talking to a lawyer, the doctor's insurance didn't even blink when they were asked to pay out a gigantic fucking sum. They "had" to get a larger house, had only planned college saving for two kids, blah blah blah. you can imagine.
But, what impresses me the most is that when the wife told the husband she was pregnant (after he got a vasectomy), he didn't flip his shit out at all. He immediately had the "are there swimming things in my ejaculant" test and found out he did, in fact, have active sperm. He was initially mad as you can imagine, but he said to her that he was going to stay somewhere else that night so no one said/shouted anything they regretted if they found out everything was kosher. What also impresses me is that the wife, though she knew she hadn't cheated, totally respected that and supported him.

It's like talking these things through as they are happening is a good thing.

I might reconsider getting cut in the scenario. Wife is done at 3, I could go another, but...her decision at this point. She getting her tubes tied probably 4 months, hates pregnancy that much.
 

Noodleface

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I don't often post but here I am as a passenger on a 5 hour drive home in the middle of the night and I'm mad as fuck so here goes.

Tonight my now ex girlfriend left me for someone else. A bit of background - we've been together a year and a half, I run a touring cinema company and she is a failed musician/admin worker. We're both in our early 30s. Things were fine for the first 10 months - we went travelling together, enjoyed partying together and generally were happy spending time in each others company.

This all changed about the start of this year - she went down to London to play with some mediocre musicians (we live in Edinburgh). She made a few contacts, had a good time and came back and was quite happily working her day job and gigging at weekends. About 6 months ago one of these dudes in London got in touch and asked her to organise a tour of Scotland for his band and rather than paying her offered for her to put together a support band and split the proceeds 50/50. This guy claimed if she sorted the venues he had a ton of great PR agencies to promote it. She unsurprisingly jumps at the chance and I'm pretty enthusiastic for her. As time progresses this takes up more and more of her time and she quits her job. I wasn't delighted about this but she was scraping her rent with gig and dole money and I was pretty much paying for every other aspect of our lifestyle. She then falls out with her entire family over a heap of shite, I obviously side with her and support her through this. She then falls ill with a bit of cluster headaches (look it up, it's brutal) and I nurse her through the 3 month bout of this.

All this while I'm working myself into the ground doing 50-60 hour weeks as my business grows quick and very quickly becomes a constant ballache. I knuckle down to ensure me and her stay afloat. After a few months of this I've noticed changed in my demeanour - miserable all the time, don't have time to go drinking with my pals anymore, no time to read, go to the cinema. I can't even do anything with her because paying for both of us from everything become unaffordable. It affects us, we talk and we seem to get where each other are coming from and all is well.

6 weeks ago she goes on this tour and it's a massive flop. She's weeping in my arms the two nights she's back after the first couple of dates closer to home then she's away for two weeks. She makes it back, a bit more optimistic than when she left but effectively did 6 months work without getting paid and left us both struggling. The following two weeks she literally doesn't have a penny ti her name so I find myself putting my hand in my pocket again and getting us through it. During this time she's keeping in touch with some of the dudes she was touring with. I then depart to work away for 17 days.

The first 10 days everything seems fine, we talk every day as normal and then communication trickles off until the last 3 days she isn't answering my texts or calls. She's started a new job so I'm cutting her some slack but getting concerned. I pin her down on fb messenger last night and say I'm looking forward to getting back on Friday, what's she up to? she's acting strange, saying she'll come up and see me on Sunday and pretty much nothing else.

I try to call her a couple of times today but nothing and at this point I know something is up. I ring her and eventually she answers and I demand to know what's going on. Eventually she tells me she thinks it's not working out. I ask her if someone else is involved and she says yes. I immediately name the person from this tour she's been mentioning the most to me recently and she says no and she's not going to tell me. I eventually drag it out of her and it is indeed the guy I first named. He lives in London and she says she's gotten to know him well over FB and this is how she feels. She starts daying some bullshit about how we don't talk anymore and how I work too much. I demand to know if she cheated on me while touring and she still denies it but I'm pretty sure she's lying. Fucking bitching even phoned me up for money while she was away.

I'm about as angry as I've ever been. I just can't get my head around it. The bitch has clearly used me and has dropped me for some cunt she's known less than two months. Literally don't know what to do.

Tldr I'm a fucking fool. Cheers for reading
Cut your losses man. Get your financial freedom back and find a real, successful woman.
 
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Dalven

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Cut your losses man. Get your financial freedom back and find a real, successful woman.

Oh once I get my shit back I'm never having anything to do with her again. I'm pretty determined however to make her realise what a massive arsehole she is before I do.
 
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Khane

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I'm pretty determined however to make her realise what a massive arsehole she is before I do.

A foolish endeavor. The only purpose that will serve is to prolong your own grief and heartache.
 
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Dalven

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Sound advice. On the other hand it's too galling to let her try and blame me for the failed relationship when it was her issues that caused everything she was complaining about.

I should have got shot of her a while back but I guess I'm a soft cunt.
 

moonarchia

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I don't often post but here I am as a passenger on a 5 hour drive home in the middle of the night and I'm mad as fuck so here goes.

Tonight my now ex girlfriend left me for someone else. A bit of background - we've been together a year and a half, I run a touring cinema company and she is a failed musician/admin worker. We're both in our early 30s. Things were fine for the first 10 months - we went travelling together, enjoyed partying together and generally were happy spending time in each others company.

This all changed about the start of this year - she went down to London to play with some mediocre musicians (we live in Edinburgh). She made a few contacts, had a good time and came back and was quite happily working her day job and gigging at weekends. About 6 months ago one of these dudes in London got in touch and asked her to organise a tour of Scotland for his band and rather than paying her offered for her to put together a support band and split the proceeds 50/50. This guy claimed if she sorted the venues he had a ton of great PR agencies to promote it. She unsurprisingly jumps at the chance and I'm pretty enthusiastic for her. As time progresses this takes up more and more of her time and she quits her job. I wasn't delighted about this but she was scraping her rent with gig and dole money and I was pretty much paying for every other aspect of our lifestyle. She then falls out with her entire family over a heap of shite, I obviously side with her and support her through this. She then falls ill with a bit of cluster headaches (look it up, it's brutal) and I nurse her through the 3 month bout of this.

All this while I'm working myself into the ground doing 50-60 hour weeks as my business grows quick and very quickly becomes a constant ballache. I knuckle down to ensure me and her stay afloat. After a few months of this I've noticed changed in my demeanour - miserable all the time, don't have time to go drinking with my pals anymore, no time to read, go to the cinema. I can't even do anything with her because paying for both of us from everything become unaffordable. It affects us, we talk and we seem to get where each other are coming from and all is well.

6 weeks ago she goes on this tour and it's a massive flop. She's weeping in my arms the two nights she's back after the first couple of dates closer to home then she's away for two weeks. She makes it back, a bit more optimistic than when she left but effectively did 6 months work without getting paid and left us both struggling. The following two weeks she literally doesn't have a penny ti her name so I find myself putting my hand in my pocket again and getting us through it. During this time she's keeping in touch with some of the dudes she was touring with. I then depart to work away for 17 days.

The first 10 days everything seems fine, we talk every day as normal and then communication trickles off until the last 3 days she isn't answering my texts or calls. She's started a new job so I'm cutting her some slack but getting concerned. I pin her down on fb messenger last night and say I'm looking forward to getting back on Friday, what's she up to? she's acting strange, saying she'll come up and see me on Sunday and pretty much nothing else.

I try to call her a couple of times today but nothing and at this point I know something is up. I ring her and eventually she answers and I demand to know what's going on. Eventually she tells me she thinks it's not working out. I ask her if someone else is involved and she says yes. I immediately name the person from this tour she's been mentioning the most to me recently and she says no and she's not going to tell me. I eventually drag it out of her and it is indeed the guy I first named. He lives in London and she says she's gotten to know him well over FB and this is how she feels. She starts daying some bullshit about how we don't talk anymore and how I work too much. I demand to know if she cheated on me while touring and she still denies it but I'm pretty sure she's lying. Fucking bitching even phoned me up for money while she was away.

I'm about as angry as I've ever been. I just can't get my head around it. The bitch has clearly used me and has dropped me for some cunt she's known less than two months. Literally don't know what to do.

Tldr I'm a fucking fool. Cheers for reading

What you do is change the locks on the doors and call it a good learning experience not to waste your time with musicians.
 
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