Marriage and the Power of Divorce

I worked overnights for 20 years. My wife stated years ago that if she had known what it was like being with a guy who worked overnights, she never would have married me. That weighed heavily on me for many years. She doesn't remember this.

As soon as my kids were all finally old enough to go to school, I got on days in May of last year. It turns out I'm like a stranger in my own fucking house, and no one really seems to want me there. My wife met another guy that she really clicked with, and now the bullshit starts coming up. She's scared around me. I'm abusive, doesn't feel safe in her own home. All fucking nonsense, since I've never touched her and it's not like I woke up one day and thought "I think I'll try this domestic violence shit out."

It's 100% fabricated bullshit so that she feels better leaving me for this other fuck. She's truly lost touch with reality for some reason that I can't figure out. I guess she was fine with having a part time husband and having the bed to herself at night, but me being around for dinners and events and everything else is simply more than she wants.

She complained about feeling like a single mother for years since I worked overnights and weekends for a good chunk of my life, and now that I finally fixed it, she's making up reasons to leave. It sucks. She wasn't the best partner in the world, but I thought she was better than this.

I feel bad for my kids who will now be shuffled between reality and fucking bullshit land on a weekly basis.

Khane said:

Well that sucks man. Guess you being on a normal schedule really hampered her ability to sneak around. What an asshole you are.

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It sure appears that way, doesn't it?

Take it from me, a guy who thought the rules didn't apply to his wife - she's not yours, it's just your turn. They're all the fucking same.

A5150Ylee said:

I think you are assuming too much there. Not trying to bring you down more, because I've been there and it really sucks. But don't you find it odd, that as soon as you get put on days, she finds another? My guess is it's been going on for a long time, and it's just now coming out. How long ago did she complain about you working nights? And when did she stop complaining? Because that's probably the time she realized she could get a piece on the side.

Yes, AWALT.

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Well, I'm as reasonably certain as I can be about it. I often came home early at irregular times. If she has been cheating for years, she got really goddamned lucky with me coming home at random times between midnight and 3 a couple of random days a week. I don't buy it, nobody gets that lucky for that long. I really just think she got used to being able to do what she wanted when I wasn't around, instead of me holding her accountable for shit like I do now. Reason #2, our bedroom is literally full of her clothes and shit because she can't be bothered to keep a clean house (or hell, a clean room for that matter). No dude is getting involved with that. Reason #3, we have kids, and I've never heard a word from any of them on it. If my wife is here at night and there's never been anyone over here, then she's not cheating on me, it's deeper than that.

We had an open relationship for many years, and I had several women on the side. Our agreement was that sex between other people doesn't matter as long as we're safe, everyone is informed about the situation and can make their own choices, and we are always open and honest about the whole thing. We also agreed that we have a partnership raising the girls and owning the house and that would not go away. We would stay married and continue to operate as such.

Things went fine on my end. I'm not going to say I handled myself perfectly at all times, I definitely made mistakes, but when I got called out on them, I corrected my behavior (and my side action's behavior) or I ended things with them. She never expressed any interest in doing it because she didn't think she could handle it. This summer she finally got enough people telling her that I was just exploiting her (i was not) and that she should have some side action too. She immediately matched with a 99% match on OKC and hit things off with this dude. I know for a fact it was the first time they met due to me reading their conversations and helping her phrase things to not lead him on. She also immediately began handling her feelings completely and totally inappropriately and became WAY too attached to this guy right off the bat, and I knew we were headed for trouble. He's better looking than me, makes more money, lives in a bigger house. No bueno for the husband, women will swing to the next branch whenever it's available, and that's what she did.

My piece of advice is let her believe she can be with the other guy and live happily ever after. Don't fight her on her new relationship, but rather encourage her. If she believes she can immediately roll in to another relationship, she will feel more secure and not try to fuck you as hard for alimony and child support. If she believes she is going to be a single mom for years, she will try to take everything with her and use the kids as justification. It's kinda the "Menendez Defense", but she will do it.

Stay strong brother.

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That's essentially where we're at. Her new dude is a guy who was married for like 20 years and only got sex twice a year. Not only that, but when she was finished, she told him to go finish himself off in the other room. This guy also did all the cooking and cleaning and managing of the household and money and basically let this degenerate cunt of a woman mooch off of him for 20 years. Whereas, I hold my wife accountable for her dumbfuck behaviors, and I tell her she needs to contribute to the household and be responsible. She doesn't like me doing that, because she's always got a headache, or her back hurts, or her ovary hurts, or she didn't get any sleep or whatever. So I'm sure she sees the new guy as a way for her to continue her lifestyle of being a complete piece of irresponsible shit without any backtalk. And hell, she knows she doesn't even have to put out!

Okay, well, good luck with the pencil dick guy. We debated selling the house, she doesn't want the house because she associates it with us (read as "I'm just gonna move in with Joe anyway, so I don't need the house). I told her that I like the house and am still on the plan of retiring here, but I would sell it if she wanted me to. However, me selling the house means that under absolutely no circumstances would I ever be open to any type of reconciliation at any point down the road, because you made me lose my house, so we're fucking done.

She is a product of a divorced family and really missed out on seeing her dad, so she feels it's very important for the girls to have a relationship with me that's more than once every other weekend. I honestly think in the way she's wording it that she wants the kids to basically spend all their waking hours at my place and then she will take them home to sleep at hers. This is because i start work too early in the morning to get them to school, so they can't possibly spend the night at mine. This too lends credence to my theory that she just wants to continue being irresponsible and doesn't want the kids in the way either.

She makes more than double what I do. Alimony will be a non starter. She ran up sizable debt that she hid from me for years, and when it finally came to a head, I paid it off under the condition that I control the finances and give her a fucking allowance since she's not smart enough to manage her money. She is going to tap out her 401k to pay off the debt before she goes, that plan has actually been in the works for awhile now.

And the sad thing is that even as I type all of this bullshit she put me thru, if she comes home today and says "I made a mistake, can we work things out?" I'd take her back, simply so my children's lives can be easier and less complicated.

I firmly believe she fell hard for Joe, thinks the grass is going to be greener on the other side, and then started making shit up to justify it. I've had anger and depression problems for years, and I had another bout of that this summer. I addressed both issues, got on some drugs, got some psychiatric help to unpack some of the bullshit from my childhood and figure out why I am the way I am. Once I did all of that and leveled out my mood and my attitude, I started asking her to fix some of her flaws too, like the fact that 3 rooms of my house are literally full top to bottom with her shit that she refuses to move. One of those I asked her 2 years ago to clean up so I could get set up a workout room so I could get back to being healthy instead of having chronic back problems. She did nothing. Always an excuse. And when I would get frustrated with her to the point of finally yelling at her for it again, that's when she started with the "I'm scared of you," bullshit. Really? I've been yelling at you for 20 years, why are you suddenly scared now? Because it's convenient, that's why. So now she breaks down in tears every time I start to hold her accountable and runs away. And when I tell her that her problems are not going to be solved by running away, she claims she doesn't feel safe in this house and has to go.

It's bullshit top to bottom. She's a fucking train wreck and a pain in my ass and I SHOULD be glad she's gone. But i'm not. She's my wife, we've been thru a fucking helluva lot together. We had a year where we didn't even make $19,000 AND we had a child. We've been thru miscarriages and deaths and major health scares and it's always been just the two of us. There's never been any other options. Now she's unilaterally decided that she doesn't like that I'm improving myself for her and wanting her to do the same, so she's taking the easy way out of finding some other 3 inch dicked motherfucker to take care of her and kiss her ass and treat her like a princess. I kinda feel bad for Joe.

The good news is that due to me having an open relationship, there's literally a waiting list of girls who are more than happy to prove how much better they are than my wife. And I welcome the attempts.

Exactly!

I'm doing the right thing!

I'm gonna walk out of this with joint custody of my kids, a 2500 sq foot house that's basically empty (and I've already got some leads on renting out some space to help with the house payment), almost an acre on a pond, and I get to continue living my life the way I want, sans the woman who was, quite honestly, a fucking boat anchor to me for 20 years.

So why the fuck am I sad about it?