Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Ah forgot about the kid angle

Adebisi said:

Wife and I are separating.

Past six months she's been distant. Avoiding. Short fused. Three weeks ago i got into it with her about it and she says she just doesn't see a future with us. She refused to make a decision about our relationship and withdrew even more. Tonight we agreed it's time for a break.

Time to figure out how this is going to work.

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Sorry to hear it. This post of yours is my favorite, https://www.firesofheaven.org/posts/1278767/, I hope you two can work it out together.

Adebisi said:

Mini update - I did get her to agree to some couples counselling.

I wouldn't be able to walk away knowing we didn't try this first. We'll see.

So how does one find a good couple's counsellor?

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Ask other couples or sacrifice a moose and read its entrails.

Adebisi said:

We haven't told them yet, but I'm sure they think it's odd that dad loves hanging out in the basement a lot recently.

My son thinks it's awesome that I can game really late and just crash down there. He wants to have sleepovers with me downstairs.

Yeeesh.

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Adebisi said:

I'm one old family photo from being this Trudeau

....V

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There are four! Four Trudeaus!

I've noticed lately that for the past few months my wife is only negative, never positive. If I say something that excites me or positive she always spins it negative.

The other day I was talking about selling my guitar for a new one and immediately she bursts into a tirade about how it's a stupid idea and we can't afford to keep spending money (no idea where she was getting at with this..). What really set me off though was I do our weekly grocery shopping by myself usually, but since my kid always wants to go I brought him with me - and to give her a break.

The kid had such a good time. I turned his car seat front facing and he couldn't wait to tell her about it. Also in the store he was chatting up the cashier and every time she bagged something he'd say 'thank you'. I thought it was a cute story. As soon as we walk in and he's screaming to tell her about the seat she's complaining about what I bought.

Just a miserable person lately so I've taken to ignoring her. Maybe that makes me a shitty person but she's draining the fun out of life.

Deathwing said:

Well, is money tight or not?

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With anything there's an ebb and flow but especially right now it is not

Soygen said:

Do you ever call her out for being negative?

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Yeah and believe it or not it makes it worse

I would opt to asking her what state of things would allow her to find more peace/happiness/enjoyment. Don't ask it in terms of what exactly you or her need to do, but more generally what the circumstance looks like where she believes she would be at her best. If she comes back with an I don't know or I'm not sure, then you let her know she has to think about it and to tell you when she even has a guess because you aren't a mind reader and can't develop that power. Just be there to be part of the solution but make her speak/share her choices and reality.

Noodleface said:

I've noticed lately that for the past few months my wife is only negative, never positive. If I say something that excites me or positive she always spins it negative.

The other day I was talking about selling my guitar for a new one and immediately she bursts into a tirade about how it's a stupid idea and we can't afford to keep spending money (no idea where she was getting at with this..). What really set me off though was I do our weekly grocery shopping by myself usually, but since my kid always wants to go I brought him with me - and to give her a break.

The kid had such a good time. I turned his car seat front facing and he couldn't wait to tell her about it. Also in the store he was chatting up the cashier and every time she bagged something he'd say 'thank you'. I thought it was a cute story. As soon as we walk in and he's screaming to tell her about the seat she's complaining about what I bought.

Just a miserable person lately so I've taken to ignoring her. Maybe that makes me a shitty person but she's draining the fun out of life.

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How old is your new kid? Could be hormones messing with her moods. I read somewhere that it takes like a year to get back to being "normal" after pregnancy with women.

Depressed no .hormones I have no idea. The new one is 9 months