iannis
Musty Nester
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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Ryoz
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It's been good to catch up on this thread again...I check in every few years usually. Some if you might remember, or not, I’m pretty inconsistent. Hopefully my tale will help with those waffling about having kids.
After splitting up with my ex about 5 ½ years ago I met someone who didn't want kids but was more than happy to help raise my 2 almost 3 year old. Perfect, right? After two years of living the domestic life she realized at age 35 for the first time ever that she wanted a kid(s) of her own. After a year of trying and a few months of IVF she finally got pregnant…with twins. Rip my wallet. During that time we also took over primary custody of my daughter because my ex decided she needed to "find herself" and moved about 4 hours away.
My twins are now 14 months old and they are just very chill babies, sleep well, nap, no illnesses or anything, but they are a fuck ton of work. My 7 year old swims and I try to take her to do outdoor stuff since that was my passion pre kids and my wife isn’t up for it, so I try to carve out time to take her fishing, hiking, backpacking, canoeing, etc throughout the year because I know she’s getting less attention from us because of the twins. The amount of work is overwhelming. I could go on and on about the minutia of babies but I won’t. The only respite is when every small creature is sleeping, but even then, if the kitchen is dirty, if lunches need made for the next day, that’s what you’re doing.
On an IDEAL day, we have 2 hours of uninterrupted time to ourselves (maybe a sliver more on weekends) once everything is done and prepared for the next day before we have to head upstairs and ensure at least 6 hours of sleep. Usually one or two of those days I’ll try to go downstairs to the basement to have some me time. The great joy of my life right now is when I don’t have to interact with another human being and I get to descend to my blessed man cave where I have stocked all of the greatest comforts (video games, porn, weed, beer). I'm a reasonable man so I'm not getting trashed with my kids under my roof, but indulging just a little relaxes me after a very long day.
I see these other dads on social media and I wonder if they're really into parenting or if we're all just playing the part? Do they legit go to bed each night being fully satisfied by raising their kids and not needing anything else in their life? I should feel fortunate because I have a great job, close family who watch our kids throughout the year so my wife and I can have dates and take little getaways to the city to see shows, we have a great relationship and still have sex regularly too, but the most exciting part of my life right now is looking forward to classic wow... classic fucking wow. How sad is that? I'm a 34 year old man and the greatest excitement in my immediate future is the re release of an old video game. The idea of something I get to do by myself without creatures crawling all over me or people asking me for anything or talking to me nearly gives me goosebumps.
I have to work really hard at being a good engaged father and it usually doesn’t give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Some days I would give anything to not have people reliant on me. Don’t have kids if you don’t fully understand this. Your life will change.
After splitting up with my ex about 5 ½ years ago I met someone who didn't want kids but was more than happy to help raise my 2 almost 3 year old. Perfect, right? After two years of living the domestic life she realized at age 35 for the first time ever that she wanted a kid(s) of her own. After a year of trying and a few months of IVF she finally got pregnant…with twins. Rip my wallet. During that time we also took over primary custody of my daughter because my ex decided she needed to "find herself" and moved about 4 hours away.
My twins are now 14 months old and they are just very chill babies, sleep well, nap, no illnesses or anything, but they are a fuck ton of work. My 7 year old swims and I try to take her to do outdoor stuff since that was my passion pre kids and my wife isn’t up for it, so I try to carve out time to take her fishing, hiking, backpacking, canoeing, etc throughout the year because I know she’s getting less attention from us because of the twins. The amount of work is overwhelming. I could go on and on about the minutia of babies but I won’t. The only respite is when every small creature is sleeping, but even then, if the kitchen is dirty, if lunches need made for the next day, that’s what you’re doing.
On an IDEAL day, we have 2 hours of uninterrupted time to ourselves (maybe a sliver more on weekends) once everything is done and prepared for the next day before we have to head upstairs and ensure at least 6 hours of sleep. Usually one or two of those days I’ll try to go downstairs to the basement to have some me time. The great joy of my life right now is when I don’t have to interact with another human being and I get to descend to my blessed man cave where I have stocked all of the greatest comforts (video games, porn, weed, beer). I'm a reasonable man so I'm not getting trashed with my kids under my roof, but indulging just a little relaxes me after a very long day.
I see these other dads on social media and I wonder if they're really into parenting or if we're all just playing the part? Do they legit go to bed each night being fully satisfied by raising their kids and not needing anything else in their life? I should feel fortunate because I have a great job, close family who watch our kids throughout the year so my wife and I can have dates and take little getaways to the city to see shows, we have a great relationship and still have sex regularly too, but the most exciting part of my life right now is looking forward to classic wow... classic fucking wow. How sad is that? I'm a 34 year old man and the greatest excitement in my immediate future is the re release of an old video game. The idea of something I get to do by myself without creatures crawling all over me or people asking me for anything or talking to me nearly gives me goosebumps.
I have to work really hard at being a good engaged father and it usually doesn’t give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Some days I would give anything to not have people reliant on me. Don’t have kids if you don’t fully understand this. Your life will change.
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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I feel ya', man. I love my family immensely, but the moments when I don't have to interact with anyone at all are my favorite moments of the week. I've always been a "social" introvert. I can socialize just fine, but I quickly become exhausted of dealing with people and need recharge time. I'm fortunate that my wife is very accommodating in that regard.
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My wife has a more demanding job than mine so I do a lot of the traditional parenting duties (in addition to running my own small consulting business). I love my kids to death but it's a daily struggle to reconcile my "real" responsibilities with getting my son to piano lessons and swimming. Much like all the women who glorify the throes of motherhood, I think social media is mostly full of people bullshitting themselves into pretending it isn't a massive grind. However, as I look back over the last few years my favorite moments are with my kids and I can't remember a damn thing about work.
In many ways having kids is a decades-long exercise in asceticism, where your entire life is subordinated to long-term goals.
But human memory and perception are funny things. What's important in the long run is not what something was like to experience, but how you REMEMBER the experience. Our brains discount the experience of hardship and amplify the value of overcoming it. Asking a parent with young kids what they think about child-rearing is like asking a marathoner what they think about running while they're at mile 22. At that moment they'll kill you for even broaching the subject. From outside it can look like a terrible life choice, but that struggle actually imbues value and in retrospect can become the most rewarding investment of your life.
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Hatorade
A nice asshole.
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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LachiusTZ
Rogue Deathwalker Box
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Ditch social media.
It creates an unreal expectation by inundating you with everyone else's "best day" all the time.
It distorts your view of reality
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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I prefer FOH which gives you a view of everyone's worst day.
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Namon
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Seriously Social Media is Porn for parenting... extremely unrealistic scenarios constantly posted from all angles.
As far as
Zaara
: Seriously it's ok to not want to have kids, and fuck the people saying how you view them is unhealthy. You want to know what is unhealthy? Having those views and going ahead and having kids anyway. That's a major reason behind many of the problems in today's society is we have a bunch of selfish fucktards shitting out crotch spawn who have no business being parents. If your husband thinks he may want them, then dude is at a crossroads at this point
And
Prodigal
I know this is a week later but had to chime in. I feel your pain because my wife guilt tripped me into building a house I absolutely despise. But lol, it's for all the opposite reasons you listed. It was out in the country with a huge ass yard that is impossible to maintain. It was way above what we could afford for a while, so life was rough for a few years until our incomes caught up to the budget. I want a half acre postage stamp that I can easily take care of with push mower, and landscape beds that are easy to maintain without getting overrun by weeds and shit coming in from the surrounding fields that get stirred up all the time. Fuck the Country. Don't want to live in a major city either, but small towns are great. Luckily I was able to take not having real internet off the list now that we have fiber, so I at least have that.
As far as
Zaara
: Seriously it's ok to not want to have kids, and fuck the people saying how you view them is unhealthy. You want to know what is unhealthy? Having those views and going ahead and having kids anyway. That's a major reason behind many of the problems in today's society is we have a bunch of selfish fucktards shitting out crotch spawn who have no business being parents. If your husband thinks he may want them, then dude is at a crossroads at this pointAnd
Prodigal
I know this is a week later but had to chime in. I feel your pain because my wife guilt tripped me into building a house I absolutely despise. But lol, it's for all the opposite reasons you listed. It was out in the country with a huge ass yard that is impossible to maintain. It was way above what we could afford for a while, so life was rough for a few years until our incomes caught up to the budget. I want a half acre postage stamp that I can easily take care of with push mower, and landscape beds that are easy to maintain without getting overrun by weeds and shit coming in from the surrounding fields that get stirred up all the time. Fuck the Country. Don't want to live in a major city either, but small towns are great. Luckily I was able to take not having real internet off the list now that we have fiber, so I at least have that.- 2
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Prodigal
Shitlord, Offender of the Universe
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chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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I want to pave over my entire lot like the bad guys from Ferngully. Fuck all that yardwork, I don't have time to do it anymore and now I just have to pay someone else for it. Looking for a new house because we're relocating, and most of the houses have even larger lots, wife keeps looking at houses with pools because yeah, I need more projects to keep up with. Very salty about that shit, seemed like such a good idea when we bought this place.
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Get a goat bro.
I'm thinking of starting a business where I rent out goats to trim people's yards. If I do that, I will refuse to rent to muzzies. Not because I hate them, but because I want to run a lawn trimming business, not a brothel.
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iannis
Musty Nester
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I have very honestly considered getting a goat from time to time.
I don't want to fence my yard is the main reason i never have. There's a goat farm up the road and she'd sell me a little goat. Well, when I talked to her three years ago she would. I assume she still would.
Not like it'd be hard to find a goat.
I don't want to fence my yard is the main reason i never have. There's a goat farm up the road and she'd sell me a little goat. Well, when I talked to her three years ago she would. I assume she still would.
Not like it'd be hard to find a goat.