Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Zaara said:

After 16 years, my relationship is over. He officially moved out close to a month ago.

No legally binding contracts, no kids, no shared financials, no shared assets. Made for an easy 'separate ways.' Would call the blame split 60/40 in his favor. I am many shitty things but I am not a person who lies and cheats to get what they want out of people. For him, he need not settle with a person that does not meet his expectations of a woman's innate responsibilities. If that sounds like feminism to you, you're goddamn right it is.

Turns out the kid thing was the deal-breaker I expected it to be from the start. Came to a head in an argument out in a fucking Hampton Inn parking lot. I laid it all out on the line and broke the thing forever. I could not make sense of what he expected my life to be with him. To begin with, it never made any sense. At one time, in a romantic mood, he confessed a golden wish to see me back in his home country, magically fluent in Spanish despite his 16-year refusal to assist me in learning it, living in and maintaining his dead mother's paid-for condo, ostensibly caring for his children, while running my own sited business that he would work at as my assistant. My family 1200 miles away, my friends the same. Given our history of cohabitation, all domestic responsibilities would fall on me or go unfulfilled- and in this scenario, I would become solely responsible for the shared bills as well, paying him for the privelege of existing in partnership.

Maybe then I would somehow fulfill all my prerogatives as a loving, loyal, and inexhaustibly happy wife -- I could only assume I would still have to be okay with the infidelity and other rightful cultural expressions of his, y'know, masculinity.

I could've been nicer, expressing my confusion over this plan.

Can't fault a man for coming in late to what he truly wants out of life. I wish him the best.

But as it turns out, living on your own is pretty fucking sweet. It's a much more interesting lifestyle than the one I had before. I am very lucky that I can exist entirely on my own merits, without support/roommates/supplementary scamming. It is going to be a fun tightrope walk. If I can keep it together for another 10 years or so, working my ass off, there's happy circumstances waiting for me (excluding incidental WWIII/Gamorrah/Fall of the West bullshit). It would also be very easy for me to fall off and head down the way of the world's Tristate Loris and Xan Jans, though, so. Wish me luck boys.

Click to expand...

Zaara said:

After 16 years, my relationship is over. He officially moved out close to a month ago.

No legally binding contracts, no kids, no shared financials, no shared assets. Made for an easy 'separate ways.' Would call the blame split 60/40 in his favor. I am many shitty things but I am not a person who lies and cheats to get what they want out of people. For him, he need not settle with a person that does not meet his expectations of a woman's innate responsibilities. If that sounds like feminism to you, you're goddamn right it is.

Turns out the kid thing was the deal-breaker I expected it to be from the start. Came to a head in an argument out in a fucking Hampton Inn parking lot. I laid it all out on the line and broke the thing forever. I could not make sense of what he expected my life to be with him. To begin with, it never made any sense. At one time, in a romantic mood, he confessed a golden wish to see me back in his home country, magically fluent in Spanish despite his 16-year refusal to assist me in learning it, living in and maintaining his dead mother's paid-for condo, ostensibly caring for his children, while running my own sited business that he would work at as my assistant. My family 1200 miles away, my friends the same. Given our history of cohabitation, all domestic responsibilities would fall on me or go unfulfilled- and in this scenario, I would become solely responsible for the shared bills as well, paying him for the privelege of existing in partnership.

Maybe then I would somehow fulfill all my prerogatives as a loving, loyal, and inexhaustibly happy wife -- I could only assume I would still have to be okay with the infidelity and other rightful cultural expressions of his, y'know, masculinity.

I could've been nicer, expressing my confusion over this plan.

Can't fault a man for coming in late to what he truly wants out of life. I wish him the best.

But as it turns out, living on your own is pretty fucking sweet. It's a much more interesting lifestyle than the one I had before. I am very lucky that I can exist entirely on my own merits, without support/roommates/supplementary scamming. It is going to be a fun tightrope walk. If I can keep it together for another 10 years or so, working my ass off, there's happy circumstances waiting for me (excluding incidental WWIII/Gamorrah/Fall of the West bullshit). It would also be very easy for me to fall off and head down the way of the world's Tristate Loris and Xan Jans, though, so. Wish me luck boys.

Click to expand...

Zaara said:

After 16 years, my relationship is over. He officially moved out close to a month ago.

No legally binding contracts, no kids, no shared financials, no shared assets. Made for an easy 'separate ways.' Would call the blame split 60/40 in his favor. I am many shitty things but I am not a person who lies and cheats to get what they want out of people. For him, he need not settle with a person that does not meet his expectations of a woman's innate responsibilities. If that sounds like feminism to you, you're goddamn right it is.

Turns out the kid thing was the deal-breaker I expected it to be from the start. Came to a head in an argument out in a fucking Hampton Inn parking lot. I laid it all out on the line and broke the thing forever. I could not make sense of what he expected my life to be with him. To begin with, it never made any sense. At one time, in a romantic mood, he confessed a golden wish to see me back in his home country, magically fluent in Spanish despite his 16-year refusal to assist me in learning it, living in and maintaining his dead mother's paid-for condo, ostensibly caring for his children, while running my own sited business that he would work at as my assistant. My family 1200 miles away, my friends the same. Given our history of cohabitation, all domestic responsibilities would fall on me or go unfulfilled- and in this scenario, I would become solely responsible for the shared bills as well, paying him for the privelege of existing in partnership.

Maybe then I would somehow fulfill all my prerogatives as a loving, loyal, and inexhaustibly happy wife -- I could only assume I would still have to be okay with the infidelity and other rightful cultural expressions of his, y'know, masculinity.

I could've been nicer, expressing my confusion over this plan.

Can't fault a man for coming in late to what he truly wants out of life. I wish him the best.

But as it turns out, living on your own is pretty fucking sweet. It's a much more interesting lifestyle than the one I had before. I am very lucky that I can exist entirely on my own merits, without support/roommates/supplementary scamming. It is going to be a fun tightrope walk. If I can keep it together for another 10 years or so, working my ass off, there's happy circumstances waiting for me (excluding incidental WWIII/Gamorrah/Fall of the West bullshit). It would also be very easy for me to fall off and head down the way of the world's Tristate Loris and Xan Jans, though, so. Wish me luck boys.

Click to expand...