Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Echoing what others said here. Sounds like one of these guys, that just want a replacement mother to care of them, so they dont have any responsibility.

Zaara said:

After 16 years, my relationship is over. He officially moved out close to a month ago.

No legally binding contracts, no kids, no shared financials, no shared assets. Made for an easy 'separate ways.' Would call the blame split 60/40 in his favor. I am many shitty things but I am not a person who lies and cheats to get what they want out of people. For him, he need not settle with a person that does not meet his expectations of a woman's innate responsibilities. If that sounds like feminism to you, you're goddamn right it is.

Turns out the kid thing was the deal-breaker I expected it to be from the start. Came to a head in an argument out in a fucking Hampton Inn parking lot. I laid it all out on the line and broke the thing forever. I could not make sense of what he expected my life to be with him. To begin with, it never made any sense. At one time, in a romantic mood, he confessed a golden wish to see me back in his home country, magically fluent in Spanish despite his 16-year refusal to assist me in learning it, living in and maintaining his dead mother's paid-for condo, ostensibly caring for his children, while running my own sited business that he would work at as my assistant. My family 1200 miles away, my friends the same. Given our history of cohabitation, all domestic responsibilities would fall on me or go unfulfilled- and in this scenario, I would become solely responsible for the shared bills as well, paying him for the privelege of existing in partnership.

Maybe then I would somehow fulfill all my prerogatives as a loving, loyal, and inexhaustibly happy wife -- I could only assume I would still have to be okay with the infidelity and other rightful cultural expressions of his, y'know, masculinity.

I could've been nicer, expressing my confusion over this plan.

Can't fault a man for coming in late to what he truly wants out of life. I wish him the best.

But as it turns out, living on your own is pretty fucking sweet. It's a much more interesting lifestyle than the one I had before. I am very lucky that I can exist entirely on my own merits, without support/roommates/supplementary scamming. It is going to be a fun tightrope walk. If I can keep it together for another 10 years or so, working my ass off, there's happy circumstances waiting for me (excluding incidental WWIII/Gamorrah/Fall of the West bullshit). It would also be very easy for me to fall off and head down the way of the world's Tristate Loris and Xan Jans, though, so. Wish me luck boys.

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Welcome back, and sorry to hear the sad news.

Makeup sex is going to be good. People don’t change.

Also, what do you guys consider ‘crazy’ when it comes to women? Hormone driven, bleeds 7/28 days and don’t die from it. I mean, they’re practically satans coven a priori. The elder they get the closer to men in mental stability, but less fertile. I donno, It’s intersecting lines. What’s your linear optimization when it comes to women, FoH?

Izo said:

Also, what do you guys consider ‘crazy’ when it comes to women? Hormone driven, bleeds 7/28 days and don’t die from it. I mean, they’re practically satans coven a priori. The elder they get the closer to men in mental stability, but less fertile. I donno, It’s intersecting lines. What’s your linear optimization when it comes to women, FoH?

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My GF is sane, mid 30's. Nice stable woman, no problems. The key I talked about before? She has her own house and her own money. We aren't around each other to such an extent that we get on each other's nerves. Her parents and sister are sane and stable people, too...it's good genes. I dated a woman, and her whole clan were fruitcakes. Every. Last. One. Of. Them. It didn't last long. I feel sorry for the guy who ended up stuck with her.

Crazy is a spectrum and once you get to arson you should probably consider your life choices.

"know it when you see it" is probably the best answer you can get. those some can't see it when others do.

and maybe it's less of what you consider crazy, but how different her crazy is from yours. a friend told me that a relationship needs the 5 Fs to be successful. you need to get along w/ each other's Friends. Same with Family. Faiths need to be aligned, i.e., both can be atheist's. Need to have similar goals around Finances. y'all can enjoy saving every penny together or going broke together. last is Fun, need to enjoy doing things together. A 6th F that some consider part of F is fucking. w/ my X, everything fell apart and I was still giving it my all to save. but once her meds killed her sex drive, she was a total freak in the sheets when we meet, i had a physical need that she wasn't fulfilling that I needed to get somewhere else. so i stopped being the one that saved it and it ended a few months later.

Many women don't know how to deal with not getting their way, and over-react in incredibly dramatic fashion.

I was dating a woman who seemed great, we went out drinking with some of her friends one night, everyone went outside for a smoke so I suggested we do the same. She said no, which I thought was weird, and I said "Come on lets go be social". She said "God you're just like Tom". Who's Tom? My ex-fiancee. First I was hearing about, they split up 3 months prior. She keeps acting bitchy and finally I get it out of her she's mad I wanted to go outside for a smoke because she wanted me to fuck her in the bathroom and I should have just known that. She then starts trying to emasculate me in front of her friends and a bunch of strangers. "You could fuck me on that pool table right there and nobody here would even care, you're being a pussy". I tried to give her a little leeway, since she was drunk, and talk her down, but she just kept doubling down on the insults thinking she was torturing me psychologically or something. I had driven us there and had to drive her home. She didn't realize we weren't going back to my place, which was much closer, until about 10 minutes before we got to her house. At this point the 5 stages of grief poured out of her in record time. Ultimately ending in her sobbing in her hands begging me to give her another chance, it took me a good 10 minutes to get her out of my car so I could go home and never talk to her again.

^^ That's the cliffs notes of crazy.

Nah, place was disgusting, but who doesn't like a good parking lot romp?

Too bad she thought trying to question my "manhood" was the right way to make that happen.

Well, for a while there he was okay with the NK proposition, or seemed to be, because he enjoys his autonomy and no-responsibility lifestyle as much as I do. I assume he was holding out hope for me to change my mind. We did have a discussion wherein he set what he thought was a rational time limit on my decision- if I was going to have a kid, I would be doing so in the next few years, so we wouldn't be 'too old' for raising of said child. I agreed with the sentiment for what it was but held firm.

I am a 1099. I receive no benefits and have no legal protections, and exist as an employee under verbal contract. I had a 8 month apprenticeship that ended just in time for the Vid lockdowns. At this stage of my career I would not be able to find a better arrangement, in terms of the percentage split, obligations, and expected work hours. A guy at my shop accidentally got his girlfriend knocked up and decided to keep it. I watched my employer's attitude towards this guy go 180- he once was the biggest earner in the shop, and now exists as little more than a self-serving dickhead. Boss is hoping he quits during his paternity leave 'vacation.' I know it has been done before, being a tattoo artist and pregnant, but it is not a job you can work up until delivery date without severe limitations on what you can accomplish. The idea of trying to execute a spine tattoo with a giant stomach or standing up for 5 hours at a time with swollen ankles sounds retarded to me. Not career suicide, but close to it, given the timing and current job environment.


To answer another question, the 16 years were good for what they were, and I mean it. He is the only person I was able to be my true self around. We had the same hobbies and interests but also enough differences (or so I thought) to sustain us in a healthy way. We had to claw our way out of a hole together. Might've been the pit we dug for ourselves when we were little more than adult-presenting babies, but I was so proud and happy to see how far I thought we'd come. A year and a half ago I would've told you my relationship was at the best it'd ever been, but I guess I was deluding myself then. The subtext of him living another life separate from me never went away. At his first job (when he moved here a long time ago), he pretended he was single and never talked about me. Slags came running- I'm talking fake-tan single-mom lip-filler whores with pic accounts only friended by simps that all looked oddly similar to him. Job before this one, he'd moved on to having 'lady friends' whose tits ended up in his phone. I was always better at rebuffing the extraneous attention than he was. We've gone through this rigamarole enough times for me to know that the only reason he wasn't actively fucking around on me lately (at least irl) is because all the women he works with are fat/old. Sticking point being, in his head: When I fucked a guy during a 2-month hiatus in our relationship during college, that was cheating. Getting tits on your phone and fun chats without penetration is not.

I get it. The horror of creeping age and realizing your 'prime' days are actually behind you is terrifying. He'd been with the same piece of ass for a decade and a half, saw where his life was headed, and grasped for the things he thought would bring him comfort...because he knew at the end of the day, I would still be there to love him. He's been indoctrinated his entire life into believing that if he didn't do certain things on the Life Checklist it made him less of a man. It makes you feel young again, to feel wanted by someone new and fun and exciting. You get tired of the same thing, no matter how relaxed or comfortable it can be. He hoped to have his cake and eat brownies on the side because somehow it'd make life feel more whole. Or maybe I'm deluding myself and he spent the entire 16 years unsuccessfully shopping around for my replacement. Who knows.