Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Oblio

Oblio

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Masakari said:
After we broke up last September, she spent 2 months working remote across Europe. When she came back and we started talking again this year, she still brought up the travel excuse for putting off on the family stuff lol. She said she wants to wait a year. I mean she's been to a lot of places before me, and never provided an answer to how much more travelling she wants to do. I think it's more about me not putting my foot down at this point and giving her too much leeway because she's a nice person...
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Maybe she loves the Euro Cock?

As far as the put your foot down thing...maybe you are on to something. Some women, shit some men for that matter want a partner to take control and make decisions. Sometimes this is only in the bedroom, sometimes it is only in day to day life and sometimes it is both. You have a few years invested into this lady might be worth a shot. At the very least it might help you out on the break up front if she decides she wants nothing to do with the demanding version of you. I mean if it is gonna end might as well go down swinging.

Have you considered copying and pasting your post and all the responses on a to a word doc, change all the names and present it to her. See if she takes to any of the ideas? Again, if it is most likely over at this point what do you have to lose?
 
Cutlery

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Meh, some women are just like that. Pretty sure I'm with one myself too. We don't talk about anything like the ex and I did. The ex and I at least talked about shit, even if we disagreed. We always knew where we stood on shit. This one, not so much.

However, since I'm done with the thought of "settling down" with someone, this doesn't bother me. If she don't like what I've got going on here, she can fucking kick rocks. I'll get another one.

So, basically what I'm saying is don't take my advice, because I'm broken and jaded as fuck. But maybe that's what you gotta do to survive in the relationship world.

I will say this however - you are not responsible for her happiness. If she's sad because you left and didn't do a thing to change anything afterwards, and you still gave her another chance? That's her own fucking fault.
 
Kirun

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Cad said:
"More difficult" does not equate to "not in the cards."

You said something stupid, you can walk it back and just take the L. It's okay.
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LOL at ignoring objective fertility and defect stats on women as they reach 30+, all because of your anecdotal "successful" pregnancy.
 
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moonarchia

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Masakari said:
After we broke up last September, she spent 2 months working remote across Europe. When she came back and we started talking again this year, she still brought up the travel excuse for putting off on the family stuff lol. She said she wants to wait a year. I mean she's been to a lot of places before me, and never provided an answer to how much more travelling she wants to do. I think it's more about me not putting my foot down at this point and giving her too much leeway because she's a nice person...
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End it. Make sure she knows it's her, not you.
 
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Hoss

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Deathwing said:
Wife and I were watching a food youtuber review a historical menu book recently(some of you might already know who this is, he's not obscure). He started pointing out racism and sexism in a crude manner. I wanted to discuss it, especially because he didn't have to show those pages, and my wife succinctly said it was insurance against getting canceled in case viewers pick up the book. I realized we basically have had this conversation many times and she didn't want a repeat of the fighting. There are deep conversations people are willing to have, but not if there's nothing new to say on the matter. That can be especially annoying when it keeps coming up in your life, you want to talk about it.
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I've never wanted to read a cook book more in my life. Give me the name.
 
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Phazael

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Masakari said:
After we broke up last September, she spent 2 months working remote across Europe. When she came back and we started talking again this year, she still brought up the travel excuse for putting off on the family stuff lol. She said she wants to wait a year. I mean she's been to a lot of places before me, and never provided an answer to how much more travelling she wants to do. I think it's more about me not putting my foot down at this point and giving her too much leeway because she's a nice person...
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Late to the party, but there is a reason you broke it off the first time. You came back for round two because it was easy plus your dick and guilt were pushing you into it. She clearly has done zero to grow in the way you wanted. I don't even know that she is a nice person, necessarily, just polite and complacent. Convenient, even. Her actions show a complete lack of consideration for what you want out of the relationship and she avoids even discussing it. You already knew all of this before you came to this thread to discuss it. If you want to keep her in your back pocket as a booty call until you find the right woman, that's probably fine and basically what she is doing with you with her travel obsession. But don't start another relationship with her and definitely don't move back in. If you really want kids with a woman who is not comically younger than you, then you are on a strict time table and she is probably trying to run out the clock on that. Move on to what you want out of life. You will be happier for having done that.
 
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Masakari

Masakari

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I spoke with her yesterday and we are going to go our separate ways. She knows the kid thing is important to me and couldn't give me any idea of when she would be ready to have children (she does want them though). She said part of the issue was feeling secure again after I broke up with her and shifting blame away from the travel excuse. She explained she is still hurt by the break up deep down, and that feelings of resentment are still there. She also said it wouldn't be fair to hold me back because of her unresolved resentment.

It felt like she was giving me an out because of how often I've brought it up. It's still hard because I know she would make an amazing mom and is still one of the most thoughtful and loving women I've ever met. Sad.

I do have to trust my intuition on this though, emotions aside. There was a strong nagging feeling pushing for this for a while. It's just hard with intuition because you can't really see what lies ahead, just have to be open to whatever it is and not act out of fear.

Thanks again everyone! Appreciate the help.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

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Masakari said:
I spoke with her yesterday and we are going to go our separate ways. She knows the kid thing is important to me and couldn't give me any idea of when she would be ready to have children (she does want them though). She said part of the issue was feeling secure again after I broke up with her and shifting blame away from the travel excuse. She explained she is still hurt by the break up deep down, and that feelings of resentment are still there. She also said it wouldn't be fair to hold me back because of her unresolved resentment.

It felt like she was giving me an out because of how often I've brought it up. It's still hard because I know she would make an amazing mom and is still one of the most thoughtful and loving women I've ever met. Sad.

I do have to trust my intuition on this though, emotions aside. There was a strong nagging feeling pushing for this for a while. It's just hard with intuition because you can't really see what lies ahead, just have to be open to whatever it is and not act out of fear.

Thanks again everyone! Appreciate the help.
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It’s good you went through with it.

I don’t have all the details obviously, but it seems rather lazy on her part that she said she still has “feelings of resentment.” She still seemed to be deflecting. Which even further reinforces you made the right choice.
 
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Masakari

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Jackie Treehorn said:
It’s good you went through with it.

I don’t have all the details obviously, but it seems rather lazy on her part that she said she still has “feelings of resentment.” She still seemed to be deflecting. Which even further reinforces you made the right choice.
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She was upset I broke up with her originally because she said I was just throwing everything away so easily when I had voiced my frustrations on multiple occasions and I guess it never seemed that important to her.
 
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Cutlery

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Masakari said:
She was upset I broke up with her originally because she said I was just throwing everything away so easily when I had voiced my frustrations on multiple occasions and I guess it never seemed that important to her.
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Lotta women are like that. They'll talk about "how we work so well together" and that "you're perfect for me" without ever fucking considering that they're not perfect for you. And then lift no fingers to make any effort to work towards that. My ex was like that, and despite damned near 2 decades of me saying the finances and the housework situation was not working for me she was still "devastated" when I wanted a divorce. Fuck off.

Even the new gal says the same shit...the only difference is the new gal is at least 75% of what I need, so she gets a lot more leeway on shit.
 
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Ishad

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Had a dad randomly unburden himself today after our kids baseball that his wife is fucking around on him and told him on Father’s Day.

me just trying to get my kid to get to dinner on time:

1655869177852.gif
 
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Cutlery

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Ishad said:
Had a dad randomly unburden himself today after our kids baseball that his wife is fucking around on him and told him on Father’s Day.

me just trying to get my kid to get to dinner on time:

View attachment 418409
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My ex just so happened to get a 23 and me test for our oldest right after I filed for divorce.

Purely coincidentally, she assures me. It's fun, she assures me.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

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I just spent 8 hours with the girlfriend and her son (he just turned four a couple weeks back.)

First off, it’s great fun. The kid can be a total pain in the ass but the time always passes by so fast with him. We went to lunch, came back to my place, he took a nap briefly so we all kind of lounged half asleep in the living room. I bought him an RC car he played with for like two hours. Then he turned on Baby Shark for at least an hour. Holy fuck — I was aware of this before but it is more awful than I expected. There’s just no substance. It’s them singing baby shark with like one new thing thrown in every episode.

Since we spend a lot more time together, we discussed me stepping in and actually telling him he’s doing something wrong or helping her out. I used to just leave them be and let her do everything as I didn’t want to cross any boundaries. But I asked her if she wanted me to start giving him some very friendly and light discipline here and there and she said absolutely.

Despite being 4 he can really bully her a bit sometimes, and it isn’t for lack of her being stern or disciplinary with him, he’s just a bullheaded little turd sometimes. Today for instance he didn’t want to eat and he kept grabbing her T-shirt and pulling it and stretching it, like really aggressively. She’d smack his hands and he’d just go right back to it. So I grabbed his little monkey paws, unraveled them off her shirt, and told him it wasn’t nice to do that, and held him back. Surprisingly he listened and didn’t do it again. She said he listens to men better…and again I’ve seen her flat out snatch him by the ear before, so she can throw down. So who knows.

Totally fine after he calmed down a bit. Funny, smart kid.
 
Fucker

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sakkath said:
I don't understand the the mentality behind thinking you can't travel if you have kids. I travelled extensively with small children.
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Or saying single mom, loves travel in their dating bio. Screams to me couch potato looking for meal ticket.
 
Tmac

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Fucker said:
Or saying single mom, loves travel in their dating bio. Screams to me couch potato looking for meal ticket.
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Couch potatoe who lives in fantasy land day-dreaming about things instead of actually doing them.
 
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ToeMissile

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Jackie Treehorn said:
I just spent 8 hours with the girlfriend and her son (he just turned four a couple weeks back.)

First off, it’s great fun. The kid can be a total pain in the ass but the time always passes by so fast with him. We went to lunch, came back to my place, he took a nap briefly so we all kind of lounged half asleep in the living room. I bought him an RC car he played with for like two hours. Then he turned on Baby Shark for at least an hour. Holy fuck — I was aware of this before but it is more awful than I expected. There’s just no substance. It’s them singing baby shark with like one new thing thrown in every episode.

Since we spend a lot more time together, we discussed me stepping in and actually telling him he’s doing something wrong or helping her out. I used to just leave them be and let her do everything as I didn’t want to cross any boundaries. But I asked her if she wanted me to start giving him some very friendly and light discipline here and there and she said absolutely.

Despite being 4 he can really bully her a bit sometimes, and it isn’t for lack of her being stern or disciplinary with him, he’s just a bullheaded little turd sometimes. Today for instance he didn’t want to eat and he kept grabbing her T-shirt and pulling it and stretching it, like really aggressively. She’d smack his hands and he’d just go right back to it. So I grabbed his little monkey paws, unraveled them off her shirt, and told him it wasn’t nice to do that, and held him back. Surprisingly he listened and didn’t do it again. She said he listens to men better…and again I’ve seen her flat out snatch him by the ear before, so she can throw down. So who knows.

Totally fine after he calmed down a bit. Funny, smart kid.
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Sounds normal for the age. In any given hour they can swing between melting your heart and melting a hole in a couch cushion.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

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ToeMissile said:
Sounds normal for the age. In any given hour they can swing between melting your heart and melting a hole in a couch cushion.
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She’s told me a couple of times he sometimes “bullies” her and despite her being harsh in punishment with him he just doesn’t back off. Like he’s not afraid of her or something. I saw him slap her face once and she (lightly) slapped his face back and yanked him by the ear down to a seated position and he stopped and cried.

I’d like to think I was never like that, but I seem to recall if I ever was *starting* to be like that my dad would have cut a switch off a tree. My mom too for that matter.

It’s not like he’s like this all the time; he’s mostly good. But he definitely stresses her out with his constant saying no or doing precisely the opposite of what she asks. Maybe that’s typical? I’ve never spent a ton of time around toddlers.
 
Ridas

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I think it is age related aswell. My sisters' kids did the same in that age range. They turn into little tyrants for a bit.
A male presence definitely helps. My younger sisters husband is a bit of a wimp in that regard and I had a hard time not getting involved. Just be stern and assertive, when they turn into little assholes. Should set them straight eventually if they have no underlying issues.
 
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