Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Tarrant

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There’s not enough rustles for this whole situation. I’m so sorry this happened to your family (not the ex) and I’m so happy your kids are in a better place now. Wish our family court system wasn’t such a heinous piece of shit that keeps letting situations like this happen just because one party has tits.

Thanks for the kind words. I emptied my entire savings fighting for both my older two, only to be told "short of drugs or provable abuse, we will not separate children from their mother." So yes...though I will say it's gotten better in recent years.

Part of me feels sorry for the two kids my ex has with her long-term bf, they have nowhere else to go and are stuck there and I know my two feel the same.

As sad as that is, I have my own now and I hope CPS, when they inevitably show up for a 4th time, do something to help those kids. In the meantime, I'll continue to help mine deal with the traumas they've experienced from that whole situation and try to keep my own guilt over everything to myself while I quietly work on that moving forward as well.
 
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Tarrant

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Yeah mate, you and me and everyone here. Take care of the kids. That's what he's doing. And I'm so glad he's a father, because he's doing a good job.

Thanks, I really appreciate that. The fact that when I get home late from work I know they are there, sleeping and I don't have to worry about them going away anytime soon is honestly the greatest thing in the world.
 
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lurkingdirk

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Thanks for the kind words. I emptied my entire savings fighting for both my older two, only to be told "short of drugs or provable abuse, we will not separate children from their mother." So yes...though I will say it's gotten better in recent years.

Part of me feels sorry for the two kids my ex has with her long-term bf, they have nowhere else to go and are stuck there and I know my two feel the same.

As sad as that is, I have my own now and I hope CPS, when they inevitably show up for a 4th time, do something to help those kids. In the meantime, I'll continue to help mine deal with the traumas they've experienced from that whole situation and try to keep my own guilt over everything to myself while I quietly work on that moving forward as well.

Once again, you rock. I'm so happy your kids are with you.
 
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Ridas

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Thanks, I really appreciate that. The fact that when I get home late from work I know they are there, sleeping and I don't have to worry about them going away anytime soon is honestly the greatest thing in the world.
My parents divorced when I was 5 and I stayed with my mum. She isnt the most stable person (not comparable to your ex, as that wouldnt be fair to say about my mother) and we had some issues. In all that time my father always was close and put in a lot of effort. We did a lot of activities together and he was always there for me when things got difficult. He sacrificed quite a bit to be there for us (me and 2 sisters) and to make sure we were financially fine (He lived in a small run down flat to save money for us until we were done with school).

What I want to say with this, is that you rock. I can relate to your kids situation a little bit and having a stable parent in all of this mess, might be the difference between a good life for your children or a path towards disaster (Drugs, mental illness etc.). This turned a bit into a rant, but following your story brought up some old memories and feelings. I really really hope everything works out fine for your kids and that you can build on all these sacrifices and hardships to mantain a great relationship with them. Keep on aiming for Worlds Best Dad.
 
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Tarrant

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My parents divorced when I was 5 and I stayed with my mum. She isnt the most stable person (not comparable to your ex, as that wouldnt be fair to say about my mother) and we had some issues. In all that time my father always was close and put in a lot of effort. We did a lot of activities together and he was always there for me when things got difficult. He sacrificed quite a bit to be there for us (me and 2 sisters) and to make sure we were financially fine (He lived in a small run down flat to save money for us until we were done with school).

What I want to say with this, is that you rock. I can relate to your kids situation a little bit and having a stable parent in all of this mess, might be the difference between a good life for your children or a path towards disaster (Drugs, mental illness etc.). This turned a bit into a rant, but following your story brought up some old memories and feelings. I really really hope everything works out fine for your kids and that you can build on all these sacrifices and hardships to mantain a great relationship with them. Keep on aiming for Worlds Best Dad.

Thank you, truly. It got real dusty in here suddenly. :emoji_cry:

How is your relationship with either of them now?
 

Ridas

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Thank you, truly. It got real dusty in here suddenly. :emoji_cry:

How is your relationship with either of them now?
It worked out well. My relationship with my father is still great and both my mother and I worked on ours and it is decent now. I am still apprehensive around her and get annoyed quickly about some of her insecurities, but it works. They also were very supportive, when my depression and, well, myself messed up my education.
Thinks worked out well in the end and I credit my father for a lot of it. Thays why your story resonated with me quite a bit.
 
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Hoss

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She's active, she skateboards a lot and this spring she will be able to play soccer for the school (something her mother refused to let her do).

Can she still do soccer and skateboarding with an insulin pump? I've heard those fuckers are kinda fragile. Or is she just injecting insulin for meals?
 

Mrs. Gravy

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Steady is moving in with me.
Into the house that Gravy and I thought would be our forever home.
I have so much crap in it that needs relocation or tossed, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. The accumulation of a life with Gravy...
I have told Steady that and he has been supportive and reassuring.
It is just a bit weird.
I am sure those of you who have been widowed and some of you who have been divorced can likely relate.
Weird.
Thanks, for reading, needed to get this off my wee chest.
 
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lurkingdirk

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Steady is moving in with me.
Into the house that Gravy and I thought would be our forever home.
I have so much crap in it that needs relocation or tossed, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. The accumulation of a life with Gravy...
I have told Steady that and he has been supportive and reassuring.
It is just a bit weird.
I am sure those of you who have been widowed and some of you who have been divorced can likely relate.
Weird.
Thanks, for reading, needed to get this off my wee chest.

I understand the weirdness of it. I hope you are able to focus more on the joy that you found someone to be with that you love. I'm very happy for you.
 
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Tarrant

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Gravy would be happy you found someone to share the space with you. I’m sure it’ll be an adjustment and it’s great he’s supportive.

Good luck on these next steps. :)
 
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Szeth

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Despite the real degeneracy of this forum… even here we get glimpses that there is good in the world. Congrats Mrs Gravy!
 
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moonarchia

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Steady is moving in with me.
Into the house that Gravy and I thought would be our forever home.
I have so much crap in it that needs relocation or tossed, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. The accumulation of a life with Gravy...
I have told Steady that and he has been supportive and reassuring.
It is just a bit weird.
I am sure those of you who have been widowed and some of you who have been divorced can likely relate.
Weird.
Thanks, for reading, needed to get this off my wee chest.
Welcome back, Mrs G! Glad things with your guy have been going well enough that you want to cohabitate. Decluttering is always a chore, but a good habit to get into. Anything bigger than a bread box usually isn't worth keeping around long term. Beyond that the Konmari approach is usually simplest. If it isn't actively making you happy (or nostalgic as may be the case) get rid of it. Gravy will always be a part of you, but his wardrobe and 90% of his toys probably shouldn't be.
 
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Omi43221

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Well I feel like venting,

After my divorce my ex bad mouthed me/ played the victim to the point I had no contact with both my son's. Eventually oldest caught on to the crazy and decided to come live with me. Oldest son now describes coming to live with me as easily the best decision of his life. We have a great relationship and he's in the air force now getting money for college and experience as a network engineer. In short he's killing it. One down. Younger son goes to one of the top magnate schools in the state and gets As.The little contact we did have, he had expressed to me he wanted to stay with his mother. Felt I had to respect his wishes and just monitor the situation as much as possible. So at the beginning of the school year the teachers usually send me an email with info for parents and what the curriculum is. I received nothing so called the school the next day. They informed me my son was no longer enrolled in the school. I call/text my ex on what is going on and she will not reply anymore. I find lawyer, we send my ex a letter that she is in contempt of state law and so far she hasn't responded. Now I'm waiting for contempt of court proceedings to complete.

Irritating as fuck
 
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Hoss

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Well I feel like venting,

After my divorce my ex bad mouthed me/ played the victim to the point I had no contact with both my son's. Eventually oldest caught on to the crazy and decided to come live with me. Oldest son now describes coming to live with me as easily the best decision of his life. We have a great relationship and he's in the air force now getting money for college and experience as a network engineer. In short he's killing it. One down. Younger son goes to one of the top magnate schools in the state and gets As.The little contact we did have, he had expressed to me he wanted to stay with his mother. Felt I had to respect his wishes and just monitor the situation as much as possible. So at the beginning of the school year the teachers usually send me an email with info for parents and what the curriculum is. I received nothing so called the school the next day. They informed me my son was no longer enrolled in the school. I call/text my ex on what is going on and she will not reply anymore. I find lawyer, we send my ex a letter that she is in contempt of state law and so far she hasn't responded. Now I'm waiting for contempt of court proceedings to complete.

Irritating as fuck

I don't understand what happened that she'd needed to come back to court. Did she move? Was it in the divorce decree that she had to enroll him at that school?
 

Tarrant

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I don't understand what happened that she'd needed to come back to court. Did she move? Was it in the divorce decree that she had to enroll him at that school?

well him not being enrolled in school is one, but there may be stipulations in the divorce as well. Having primary custody and cutting off contact is akin to kidnapping in some states as well.
 

Gavinmad

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This thread has genuinely convinced me that its a tossup to whether murder or divorce leads to a better outcome. And I mean that both in the edgelordy joke sense and for real.