Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Khane said:

Jesus dirk you're on the "Southern Grandmother" tier of passive aggressiveness.

I can't think of anything more cunty and unbecoming of a man than passive aggressive shit talking.

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I'm really not trying to be passive aggressive. I posted an opinion, you disagreed, I responded. That's where I'm at. If you're at a different location, let's try to reconcile. I have no beef with you.

Cad said:

I think you're approaching it from the "consequences" angle, and that's one way to look at it and a good reason not to have 1 night stands or NSA sex.

On the other hand, I think about it and the life of taking a new girl home from the bar every couple of days/weekend/whatever just doesn't appeal to me. I find most people annoying. Much rather find a person who does not annoy me and repeatedly have sex with her.

So it seems to me (and correct me if I'm wrong) that you wouldn't mind having NSA sex, but you like your current relationship and you don't want the consequences. I'm saying I'm not sure I'd want NSA sex even if it were available to me with no consequences.

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Yeah, I think you're hitting important points. I don't want NSA sex. I want my sex to have strings attached. Regardless of what my situation is, I don't think that would change.

Since I'm slightly drunk (and consequently more annoyed than usual), can someone explain to me why a married female co-worker would bring a female friend (instead of presumably their husband) to a company holiday party?

And yes, I lean heavily toward douchenozzle red pill faggotry so my perception of the situation is that it is "not on the up and up".

Because her husband didn't want to go (or couldn't go) and she didn't want to go alone?

a_skeleton_03 said:

I think he's saying, and I say this because I have the same stance, that all those things you listed are "consequences".

I know that Khane said that eating a burger won't make a t-bone taste shittier but that is wrong. You eat beef all the time you get tired of beef whether it's wagyu or ground chuck from Wendy's.

You have casual meaningless sex as a single dude with some random person that you realize is a total vapid cunt and a little bit of you is sad and dies inside. You got your dick wet and are happy about that but you aren't sure if it outweighs the fact that this annoying woman has sucked a little bit of your life out by wasting your brain cells.

Some people don't get bored of the same diet very easily, both food and casual sex. Hats off to them. I think that lurkingdirk and I see eye to eye though that even if we weren't married casual sex just probably won't be what we turn to. We both see a negative for it and without condescension we see that that would probably effect most everyone if they care to admit it or not. Maybe we are wrong and that's fine. It's right for us though.

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Having a casual sexual encounter with one person does not diminish the love and affection you can feel for another. These experiences and people are separate and unique. If you truly felt that it would cheapen your future how would you not be completely terrified of even entering a relationship in the first place? What if that relationship fails? What if you realize one month in the feelings you held have diminished because you've learned things in that time? How long do you wait to engage in sexual encounters with someone? Why would you even ask yourself these questions? Doesn't that diminish romance in and of itself?

You cannot live your life in an idealistic bubble and ever expect to experience really and truly falling in love. You've already pre-ordained an outcome and filled in the steps on how to get their in your mind. It's completely passionless.

Not being interested in casual encounters in one thing. It's completely understandable just not being interested in them. But keep in mind not every casual encounter happens because you're seeking it out or because that's your mission. Sometimes you just meet someone that you have intense chemistry with right away and you let yourself be in the moment. If you've repressed yourself to the point where you believe that any casual encounter is "bad" or "unhealthy" I don't know what to tell you. And that's a completely different mindset than just not really being interested. I don't wake up the next morning feeling depraved or guilty because I know there is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not bar hopping, feeding women shots and hoping to take advantage of them. I'm not disrespecting anyone or anything by enjoying their company and maybe having it lead to sex sooner than it may have otherwise.

Some of you guys like to throw around this "you got your dick wet and are happy" nonsense like every single guy who isn't depriving himself has sinister motives when it comes to sex and that women are only good for one thing. Why? I haven't said something as childish as "Don't care, got my dick wet" since I was probably 23. Sex isn't good at all when it's a one way street. I get no pleasure from sex when the person I'm with isn't as into it as I am. There is no conquest. I'm 35, I just like sex... and so do women.

And regardless of how many partners I've had I still feel close to the women I really love when I am with them. No amount of casual sex will ever change that. I'll never become numb to affection.

That's great. I am in no way diminishing what you have. No judgement here, but can you say the same for me? You seem quite ready to be angry or at least upset with my (or a_skeleton_03's) perspective.

It has to work both directions.

No, because you and him honestly look down upon casual relationships, and I do not agree with that. This conversation started because you asked a question. You received some answers and then started responding in an underhanded, passive aggressive manner. This is what happens when you put someone on the defensive. They defend their position.

You've been saying "No judgement" while simultaneously judging. It's nonsense. Own your disdain and be honest about it or knock it off.

Yeah it does come across as a bit condescending.

Alex said:

Yeah it does come across as a bit condescending.

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Oh yeah? Well you don't know what it takes to be an admin here, bub.

Khane said:

No, because you and him honestly look down upon casual relationships, and I do not agree with that. This conversation started because you asked a question. You received some answers and then started responding in an underhanded, passive aggressive manner. This is what happens when you put someone on the defensive. They defend their position.

You've been saying "No judgement" while simultaneously judging. It's nonsense. Own your disdain and be honest about it or knock it off.

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Okay, so How should I express an opinion that is different than your opinion without making you feel bad? I'm honestly struggling here. Yes, I have a differing point of view than you, no, I have no desire to judge you, merely to voice my opinion. You take that as me being condescending. I guess I'll just give up.

lurkingdirk said:

Okay, so How should I express an opinion that is different than your opinion without making you feel bad? I'm honestly struggling here. Yes, I have a differing point of view than you, no, I have no desire to judge you, merely to voice my opinion. You take that as me being condescending. I guess I'll just give up.

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Well this ^^ is how you do it. The problem was you betrayed your opinion by pretending you didn't really have one and then went all:

You seem quite sensitive.

I started to get there because I was becoming defensive. I was becoming defensive because I hold a special kind of contempt for passive-aggressive language.

Mrs. Gravy said:

I will see your disdain and raise you some righteous indignation as I am really hoping to win the pot filled of snarky condescension. Momma wants a new pair of shoes.

In other news. Mrs. G may be falling hard. I am giving into it. Scared but fuck it.

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Well, according to your stories you already are, and have been, and enjoying it. So... keep on keeping on!

Khane said:

You say this with an air of superiority. Why?

Can you explain to me why you believe casual sex is so problematic? You say you propose no stigma and then turn around and tell us you hold casual sex and the people who participate in it, in low regard.

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1) Casual sex usually isn't. Someone is more invested in the relationship than the other, which leads to hurt feelings. Everyone's moral compass is different; I'd prefer to live my life without leaving a trail of human wreckage in my past.

2) Risk of unwanted pregnancy that I have absolutely zero say over except to ask where to send the check. Or, for the pro-life crowd, no say over if their unborn child is aborted.

3) It's 2017 -- powerful men are having their career's skullfucked into oblivion on mere accusations. You think in conjunction with #1, that this isn't a valid concern?

By the time you vet your candidate enough to mitigate the risks, it probably isn't "casual sex" territory any longer.

Eidal said:

1) Casual sex usually isn't. Someone is more invested in the relationship than the other, which leads to hurt feelings. Everyone's moral compass is different; I'd prefer to live my life without leaving a trail of human wreckage in my past.

2) Risk of unwanted pregnancy that I have absolutely zero say over except to ask where to send the check. Or, for the pro-life crowd, no say over if their unborn child is aborted.

3) It's 2017 -- powerful men are having their career's skullfucked into oblivion on mere accusations. You think in conjunction with #1, that this isn't a valid concern?

By the time you vet your candidate enough to mitigate the risks, it probably isn't "casual sex" territory any longer.

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My rebuttal would be:

1) This is a concern with any relationship. How many people in this very thread have come to the realization that their marriages and long term commitments have been lopsided and unreasonable? This isn't exclusive to casual sex. Does it happen? Sure. Just like it happens with marriages. Or maybe you just wait until you feel there is a deeper connection and she ends up being shit in bed and those feelings you thought you were catching turn out to be more shallow than you anticipated.

2) Wear a condom and don't finish inside her. It's really not that big a risk if you use protection and it's no bigger a risk than accidentally knocking up the girl you've been dating for 2 months. Which brings back my feelings on these arbitrary timelines where it's suddenly permissible to be intimate because you feel enough time has passed.

3) I'd be more concerned with divorce lawyers than a "crazy bitch witch hunt". Marriage is a bigger risk for a successful man to be stripped of his financial well being than a casual encounter is. It's the #1, 2 and 3 reason I am not married.