The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

When we watched that, my wife looked over at me and was like, this is that same level in that game that you failed over and over again.

my Wakandan
I have recut PJ's Hobbit trilogy into a single 4-hour film (The Tolkien Edit) : tolkienfans

prob need the EE bluray editions for a proper recut though

Went today. What the fuck did I just watch.

When will hobbit porn be made? Will it, too, require so much CGI?

lurkingdirk_sl said:

When will hobbit porn be made? Will it, too, require so much CGI?

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The Hobbit: The Bimbos of the Five Orgies? Of course the climax of the previous one will be at the start so that will be awesome.

Malakriss_sl said:

The Hobbit: The Bimbos of the Five Orgies? Of course the climax of the previous one will be at the start so that will be awesome.

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Not bad. Maybe "The Hobbit: The Lonely Tower." Or perhaps, "The Fellowship of the Threesome." Or maybe, "Gandalf: serving up some white sauce."

I have always had problems with how easy Hollywood makes it look to dismember a body. A guy is on the ground with his arm over his shoulder and still has the strength to swing through thick muscle and a femur bone. While I agree that skill and strength certainly plays a part in a person's ability to precisely decapitate another person, it is made to look way to easy in Hollywood.

Mahes_sl said:

While I agree that skill and strength certainly plays a part in a person's ability to precisely decapitate another person, it is made to look way to easy in Hollywood.

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Depends on the weapon and whether the good guy was a dwarf. Everyone knows dorfs > all in a scrap.

A friend of mine used to explain the Hobbit's progression through the movies from the Middle Earth RPG perspective. In that game you receive exp for doing everything for the first time (opening a door, riding a horse, swinging a sword) so after their massive journey, meeting Elves, Men, Dwarves, Nasghul, etc they were heroes in their own right. Even seeing a Balrog would be enough to kill a low-level mortal outright. The dwarves inside Erebor were all heroes and as such would have been significantly more powerful than your average warrior so portraying them as lopping off the heads of orc footsoldiers would be perfectly acceptable within the canon of the storyline.

As a guide, here are the levels of some LOTR people taken from"Lords of Middle Earth" (MERP):

Balrog: lvl 36 - Maia Fire Spirit.
Gandalf: lvl 40 - Maia (Istar), Mage/Magician, "Gandalf the Grey".
Gandalf: lvl 50 - Maia (Istar), "Gandalf the White".
Saruman: lvl 50 - Maia (Istar), Mage/Alchemist, "The White Wizard".
Arwen: lvl 15 - Half-elf Bard, daughter of Elrond, wife of Aragorn.
Elrond: lvl 65 - Half-elf Animist/Cleric (Bard, Lay Healer, Fighter) of Imladris.
Galadriel: lvl 60 - Noldo Bard/Mystic (Seer), Queen of Lorien.
Legolas: lvl 8 - Sinda Warrior/Fighter, a young Legolas around T.A. 1640.
Legolas: lvl 28 - Sinda Warrior/Fighter, at the time of LOTR.
Aragorn II: lvl 27 - Dunedain Ranger, Member of the Fellowship.
Aragorn II: lvl 36 - Dunedain Ranger, as King Elessar.
Boromir: lvl 20 - Dunedain Warrior/Fighter, Member of the Fellowship.
Faramir: lvl 24 - Dunedain Ranger, married Eowyn.
Theoden: lvl 24 - Rohir Warrior, 17th King of Rohan.
Nazguls: lvl 32-60.
Bilbo Baggins: lvl 9 - Hobbit Scout/Thief, Ring-Bearer.
Frodo Baggins: lvl 12 - Hobbit Scout/Rogue, Ring-Bearer.
Peregrin Took (Pippin): lvl 8 - Hobbit Warrior/Fighter.
Samwise Gamgee: lvl 9 - Hobbit Scout/Thief, Ring-Bearer.
Gimli: lvl 8 - Dwarf Warrior/Fighter, Member of the Fellowship.
Gimli: lvl 21 - Dwarf Warrior/Fighter, "Elf-Friend", Lord of Aglarond

Smaug, while not on the list weighs in as a level 66 named dragon.

Why isn't Galadriel higher than Elrond?

I'm confused... How are Elrond and Arwen "half-elf" and Boromir and Faramir "Dunedain" ??

If I'm opening up a can of nerd rage just call me a casual and move along...

Because Elrond and his kin were of mixed blood.

Well they certainly aren't Dunedain, but the blood of Westernesse/Numenor definitely flows through the line of stewards. It ran strong in Denethor and Faramir but very weakly in Boromir.

Half-elven is a reference to all the elven descendants of the union of Luthien and Beren, who are allowed a choice to live as men or elves. At the end of the first age Elrond chose life as an elf, his twin brother Elros chose a mortal life and became the first king of Numenor, and it's his lineage that the Dunedain are descended from. Although it's sorta muddled and confusing in the movie. this is what happens to Arwen in Return of the Kings, she chooses a mortal life.

Bullshit list is bullshit.

Balrog is lower level than a Nazgul? WHAT!?

Balrogs were corrupted Maiar. Everyone who ever managed to kill a balrog died themselves in the process of defeating it, wizards and elf lords alike.

The chief Nazgul was beaten by a girl ... with one swing ... and she lived.

Fucking Bilbo's only level 9? That bastard will be getting killed trying to collect 30 hog anuses everytime he pulls an add.

Why is Elrond on that level list considered the strongest of all the characters?

joeboo_sl said:

Fucking Bilbo's only level 9? That bastard will be getting killed trying to collect 30 hog anuses everytime he pulls an add.

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He's got vanish bro

So many things wrong with that list. Gandalf the white, because he had an Elven ring too, was far stronger than Elrond and Galadriel. He even flat out said in the book the only force within the world that could counter him if he used his full strength was the dark lord himself. (But he couldn't use his full strength; becausereasons.)

Edit: One thing to note is that Tolkien kind of uses the term "power" loosely too. He includes social and political power in the term. Like Melkior was the "strongest" of the "gods", but he wasn't actually physically stronger than all of them (One of them defeated him in personal combat). However, he could control more people, corrupt things and was more intelligent, so he was still "stronger".

Anyway, strong doesn't always translate into 1 for 1 personal combat strong. A few stories with super elf lords who were killed by mundane stuff.

I think when Gandalf said that only the Dark Lord could counter him, he was talking about those who would have been inclined to go against him. Though he was of the Maiar, being placed in a physical form diminished his abilities. Of the forces of good on that list, Galadriel should have been greatest or one of at the least.

Melkor was the greatest of the Valar, but he diminished his own power when he infused part of himself into the corruption of Middle-Earth, which reduced him to a physical form thereafter.