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Fuck the strangers and then take your dad to the airport and leave him there.
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Uncomfortable Situations
- Thread starter slippery
- Start date
Lambourne
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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You need to set some boundaries for yourself, and you're right, they probably don't understand. How can they if you never tell them? They're not mindreaders.
Next time you are invited to something you don't want to go to, tell them another time because you have some together-time with your husband planned (even if that involves sitting on the couch watching netflix all day) or whatever else you were planning to do.
Don't let that shit fester because you or someone else will snap sooner or later and it will be all the worse for it.
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j00t
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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That essentially is dead on. It sounds somewhat disingenuous, but people are not mind readers. The status quo won't change unless someone makes it change
Screamfeeder
The Dirtbag
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Do situations like the ones described in here actually make some of you people "uncomfortable"? I thought the whole "introvert, sheltered nerd" thing was like a defense mechanism to just be a terrible person...You guys know you can talk to these people right? Explain things to them? Either they understand the words, or they don't. Either way, getting "uncomfortable" about them seems a little strange.
I was at wrap party a few years ago and got offered some free coke from another crew member, but I had to be the one to tell a mutual acquaintance that he couldn't tag along (he was known for this) because we didn't want to hear him cry and whine about his ex-wife while we were getting high (he was known for this).
Boy, THAT was an Uncomfortable Situation. It was right on the dance floor too. Whew.
I was at wrap party a few years ago and got offered some free coke from another crew member, but I had to be the one to tell a mutual acquaintance that he couldn't tag along (he was known for this) because we didn't want to hear him cry and whine about his ex-wife while we were getting high (he was known for this).
Boy, THAT was an Uncomfortable Situation. It was right on the dance floor too. Whew.
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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It made op uncomfortable because he was listening to papa roach and his mom just don't get him man.
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Lanx
<Prior Amod>
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Lol time to say fuck off to your family.
This is the same problem many of us tech minded ppl face.
"Hey my computer is slow... can you take a look"
"i bought this new video card, can you install it?"
"I DON"T KNOW WHATS WRONG BUT I NEED YOU TO COME LOOK AT IT NOW!!!"
They will never understand the complexity of it all from "just a few minutes of your time", to "shit, i have to roll up my sleeves for this one"
Just say fuck all to family art, b/c art pays the bills, pretty simple.
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It's uncomfortable because being at odds with your family can make for a lot of awkward situations.
It's also annoying that family can't comprehend why you don't want to do things when they feel like you should be happy to help no matter how you explain why
It's also annoying that family can't comprehend why you don't want to do things when they feel like you should be happy to help no matter how you explain why
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Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Set limits and look out for yourself. You mom's "friend" isn't your family, which is literally the only group of people you should feel obligated in going out of your way for, and only if it's for their direct benefit. Spend your life trying to make people happy, and you'll quickly become cynical as most don't reciprocate. Show integrity to those that have little, and again you will quickly become cynical.
Learning what/who is *really* worth your time is a great lesson to learn, particularly when you wake up one day in your forties and realize that time is becoming a far more precious commodity than it once was.
Learning what/who is *really* worth your time is a great lesson to learn, particularly when you wake up one day in your forties and realize that time is becoming a far more precious commodity than it once was.
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Aldarion
Egg Nazi
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I dunno, I'm torn on this one.
On the one hand, making someone take a taxi or shuttle from the airport is a huge dick move. Thats what people who dont know anyone in the city they just landed in have to do. If a friend or family member lands at your airport and you make them take a taxi, youre a dick.
On the other hand, it aint your friend, its your moms. I can kind of understand your mom asking you, honestly. Its a huge dick move to make a friend take a taxi from the airport. Your mom doesnt want to be a dick. The only uncool part is assuming youd do it. Asking you? Thats not even a little rude, its just asking a favor.
Both positions are understandable. The only part thats not understandable is this "oh poor me I'm an introvert and might have to talk to people" shit. Thats a weakness, not an excuse. Get over your weakness. On balance, my ruling is: you need to pick up the person at the airport to get over your insecurity. A grown man should be able to pass a couple hours in the company of a stranger without discomfort.
On the one hand, making someone take a taxi or shuttle from the airport is a huge dick move. Thats what people who dont know anyone in the city they just landed in have to do. If a friend or family member lands at your airport and you make them take a taxi, youre a dick.
On the other hand, it aint your friend, its your moms. I can kind of understand your mom asking you, honestly. Its a huge dick move to make a friend take a taxi from the airport. Your mom doesnt want to be a dick. The only uncool part is assuming youd do it. Asking you? Thats not even a little rude, its just asking a favor.
Both positions are understandable. The only part thats not understandable is this "oh poor me I'm an introvert and might have to talk to people" shit. Thats a weakness, not an excuse. Get over your weakness. On balance, my ruling is: you need to pick up the person at the airport to get over your insecurity. A grown man should be able to pass a couple hours in the company of a stranger without discomfort.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Srathor
Blackwing Lair Raider
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I would do anything for my parents. They have done anything for me. (Dad is gone now, but I moved back home a couple years before he died when he started to go way down hill) Mom didn't handle dad dying at all well. So I am living the dream age 47 and living in Mom's basement playing video games.
I will be here till she dies. She needs the help, and something to live for, I now need help as well since 2 heart attacks a couple years ago caused some major damage to me.
The rest of the family I kinda act like a bank, I do something for them I count that as a deposit. They do something for me, it counts as a withdrawal. I try not to go too much into debt before I get too busy/unable to do something. So far it has worked out decently.
Stuff like the Airport trips I just count as a time deposit, waste 2 hours of my time I want to get two hours of yours in return or something roughly equivalent.
It is kinda mercenary but seems to work for me.
I will be here till she dies. She needs the help, and something to live for, I now need help as well since 2 heart attacks a couple years ago caused some major damage to me.
The rest of the family I kinda act like a bank, I do something for them I count that as a deposit. They do something for me, it counts as a withdrawal. I try not to go too much into debt before I get too busy/unable to do something. So far it has worked out decently.
Stuff like the Airport trips I just count as a time deposit, waste 2 hours of my time I want to get two hours of yours in return or something roughly equivalent.
It is kinda mercenary but seems to work for me.
Aldarion
Egg Nazi
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Palum, I agree with that too. Like I said, both positions were understandable, just not the notion that being exposed to a stranger for 2 hours was some kind of hardship.
I hate people, but I wouldnt be "uncomfortable" picking up a stranger for my mom. I might say no, but I wouldnt be all "uncomfortable" about it if I had to do it. WTF is that shit?
I hate people, but I wouldnt be "uncomfortable" picking up a stranger for my mom. I might say no, but I wouldnt be all "uncomfortable" about it if I had to do it. WTF is that shit?
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Lambourne
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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If you're conflict averse by nature it certainly can feel uncomfortable. People make a request and you go along with it because saying no feels like you're being an asshole and you think there will be an argument. Some people only have it when dealing with certain people (i.e. they won't stand up to their boss or their mother). I'm sure you're familiar with the trope of the husband who is completely controlled by his wife, that didn't come out of nowhere either.
It's one of those things where if you brain is wired differently it is never an issue, but it is an aspect of personality that can be changed with practice.
DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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Extroverts don't understand introverts and expect them to act like them, news at eleven. I don't see why it's unfathomable to think someone would feel uncomfortable being in a situation they don't like for hours at a time. It's not like he be said he was having panic attacks about it or something severe.
But yeah, should just say no as time isn't worth wasting when you're expected to accept any forced obligation. Consideration is important or you'll be a doormat.
But yeah, should just say no as time isn't worth wasting when you're expected to accept any forced obligation. Consideration is important or you'll be a doormat.
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Mures
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Yeah, I don't think anything further than a, "I don't want to spend 2 hours on my day off doing that" is warranted. That is why taxis/uber exist.
Bull shit aside, I can relate when you say your mom doesn't get you. My parents love me unconditionally and I love them, but we are very different people. Some people have like a best friend relationship with their parents and that'll just never be us.
We actually had an "uncomfortable" dilemma in our house recently. Live in NO, wife is originally from Ohio, her dad and step-mom were coming visit and asked us if it would be ok if someone even they barely know stayed at our house along with them. It was a lady that the step-mom met on some photography trip out of town someplace. So we don't know this lady at all and she lived in a different part of the country from all of us and they met her once on a trip. Although I thought it awkward and a little rude to even ask I let the wife decide since it is her dad and she decided she wasn't comfortable with it. She simply told them, no I'm not comfortable with that. And in the end it all worked out, they stayed at a hotel in the heart of the French Quarter because of it; out of our hair and they were within walking distance of just about everything so they didn't have to rely on us being their chauffeurs. I believe everyone had a better visit because of it, I know the wife and I certainly did and I'm fairly confident they did too.
Bull shit aside, I can relate when you say your mom doesn't get you. My parents love me unconditionally and I love them, but we are very different people. Some people have like a best friend relationship with their parents and that'll just never be us.
We actually had an "uncomfortable" dilemma in our house recently. Live in NO, wife is originally from Ohio, her dad and step-mom were coming visit and asked us if it would be ok if someone even they barely know stayed at our house along with them. It was a lady that the step-mom met on some photography trip out of town someplace. So we don't know this lady at all and she lived in a different part of the country from all of us and they met her once on a trip. Although I thought it awkward and a little rude to even ask I let the wife decide since it is her dad and she decided she wasn't comfortable with it. She simply told them, no I'm not comfortable with that. And in the end it all worked out, they stayed at a hotel in the heart of the French Quarter because of it; out of our hair and they were within walking distance of just about everything so they didn't have to rely on us being their chauffeurs. I believe everyone had a better visit because of it, I know the wife and I certainly did and I'm fairly confident they did too.
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Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Well not for that random lady who was trying to commit her first two generation family homicide.
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Kiroy
Marine Biologist
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Depends on the frequency of these type of fairly inconvenient favors. If I lived at home and my parents asked me for something that took a few hours every couple months i'd be fine. If they asked me once or twice a week we'd have problems. Seems pretty easy.
Control
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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I'm having an uncomfortable situation just reading your post!
Your family shouldn't be deciding what you do with your time, but the only doesn't matter is because you allow it to not matter. You probably don't think it's that easy, but it really is. You just have to suffer a little discomfort while you tell your family, "Sorry, I'm busy on Saturday for the rest of the year. Yes, literally. Oh, and sorry, I don't have time to work for free. I know that ruins your plans, but how often do you into work without getting paid?" Then stop answering calls, responding to messages, etc.
That will violate some expectations initially of course, but the price for continuing to avoid that discomfort is that you will never get your free time back, and you'll never be rid of this stress.
Until you value your time, no one else will either.
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