What tickles your pickle

Sevens

Log Wizard
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Oh man. The woman and I got food poisoning yesterday. I'm sure its from the produce I got from the shitty grocery store I don't normally shop at. Lots and lots of puking and pooping yesterday. On the up side, I discovered that Squirt is really damn tasty. Only thing I could keep down.
You were drinking squirt while you had the squirts...am I the only one who finds humor in that?
 
  • 1Worf
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Kolohe
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"Daddy, you're a slapface"
"Why am I a slapface?"
**slaps me in my fucking face**

I laughed harder than I have in a long time and I feel like that was the wrong life lesson.
 
  • 8Worf
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Kolohe
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I'm working on the weekend in a town I fucking hate (quincy, wa). Grabbing dinner at a bar and I met a fat ole Mexican and his wife that both love UFC and Joe Rogan. Now I like this Place.
 
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Kolohe
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1665024450093.png
 
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Aldarion

Egg Nazi
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I just read the funniest fucking way to refer to brits.

Bri'ish


Its funny because if you try to pronounce it you sound exactly like some prissy-ass Englishman talking about tea and crumpets. try it, its hilarious


Reddit is a Treasure for the Ages
 
  • 1Worf
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Edaw

Parody
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I just read the funniest fucking way to refer to brits.

Bri'ish


Its funny because if you try to pronounce it you sound exactly like some prissy-ass Englishman talking about tea and crumpets. try it, its hilarious


Reddit is a Treasure for the Ages
You try enunciating a T when you have no teeth.

lol
 
  • 3Worf
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Kajiimagi

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I just read the funniest fucking way to refer to brits.

Bri'ish


Its funny because if you try to pronounce it you sound exactly like some prissy-ass Englishman talking about tea and crumpets. try it, its hilarious


Reddit is a Treasure for the Ages
I am totally trying this on my British wife and in-laws tonight!
 
  • 1Harrow
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Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
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Refer to them as a French colony. Cause they are basically french descendants.
 

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Kolohe
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I changed my Wifi name to "[Neighbor] lies constantly"
Long story, but he does. And all of his employees are within wifi range of me.

I just got a letter from an attorney informing me that I am engaging in cyberattacks and cyber terrorism. So did all my neighbors.

No cease and desist or anything like that. Just informing us.

Rofl, almost pissed my pants laughing. I'm framing this fucker.
 
  • 3Worf
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Kolohe
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Was talking with a few coworkers about our moms. I told them a few stories about mine.
-My moms favorite part about Vegas is collecting the hooker business cards. She'd use them to prank people by stuffing them in their coat pockets, desk drawers, etc.

-When I was 16, I came home from school to find her and her best friend in the back pasture, absolutely shitfaced, shooting at crows with a 30/30. Her friend told me I have a "tight ass" and then they made me take them through the taco bell drive through. I vaguely remember my mom telling the guy at the drive through "you talk like a faggot".

-My friend got a rapalla stuck in the top of my head when we were fishing when I was 12. We rowed back to camp with this fucking lure stuck in my head and my mom clipped the hook, pulled it out, and poured 2 shots of vodka on my head.

Apparently, I had a unique childhood.
 
  • 6Worf
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Kolohe
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4yo Daughter just ran by with a bicycle helmet on, yelling "DURRRRRRR I'M CANADIAN DURRRRR". I don't teach her this shit. I don't know where it comes from, but I'm happy it's here.
 
  • 11Worf
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Kaige

ReRefugee
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I look at Amazon for packages I'm waiting for, and I keep getting these weird recommendations for scented candles and odd fragrance body washes "based on my browsing history". I decided to take a look because I can't imagine wtf it could've been, then realize I used the site to look at the Just Egg plant-based substitute to see what the hell was actually in it. The moment I remove that from my viewing history, suddenly all the weird scented stuff immediately disappears. lol
 

lurkingdirk

AssHat Taint
<Medals Crew>
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After being at the rink from yesterday afternoon until late last night I came home to find my neighbour had cleared my entire (long) driveway with his snow blower. I do his sometimes if I get out first, and this is the first time he did it for me. I went over to say thanks, and he said it was the first time he made it out before I did, and he was super happy to do it.

Now, by neighbour, you have to realize he's probably about a half mile down the road. This is rural living. We're looking out for each other. I know, without doubt, that if there was a real emergency I could count on my neighbours. And that does more than tickle my pickle. It turns out not everyone is an asshole.
 
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Kolohe
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I'm wrapping presents and watching Incredibles with my daughter. Out of the blue, she says "Dad, did one of her nipples just pop up? I heard a popping sound"
 
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lurker

Vyemm Raider
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My truck started to idle poorly. Every time the A/C compressor kicked in it would stumble almost to the point of dying. For 2 days, whenever I came to a stop I would shift into neutral, turn off the climate control and feather the gas pedal to keep it running. I'm thinking the worst because it has 154k miles on it. Went to O'Reilly's this morning and bought a can of spray throttle body cleaner, a can of spray MAP sensor cleaner and a new throttle body gasket in case I wrecked the old one, $30 total. It took 2 hours to get the pieces off, cleaned and reinstalled and it runs so good now. So smooth and quiet at idle. This is the first time I've done this. I should have done it years ago.
 
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Kolohe
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My understanding of finances and investments is on par with that of a retarded 3 year old squirrel. A few years ago, I was offered stock options at work. I don't know how any of this shit works, so I just did whatever my (former) business consultant told me to do. Just found out 4 minutes ago what I currently own (and forgot I had) is worth $100k.

Wooooo!!! Time to buy a hummer and start a record label!
 
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