Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Tarrant

Tarrant

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Just tell him you aren't comfortable doing anything that resembles a date. -shrug-

Phrase it just like that too, he will understand what you mean. That's a good way to reject his idea without really rejecting him in the process.

And what you feel is totally natural given your position I would imagine .
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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Mrs. Gravy_sl said:
HELP...I think I may have been asked on a date tonight...casual, through a text. I have NO desire whatsoever to date anyone - it hasn't even been 2 months since I lost G and I still consider myself married (weird I know but it is how I feel).

I am not certain what to think. It is a guy I have known since grade school and through high school - we've seen each other socially over the past couple of years at parties in groups (reunions and birthday parties and whatnot). He texted me after G passed to say he was sorry for my loss, small talk about football blah blah.

He texted me tonight to see if I wanted to grab some dinner; fortunately I was already home and it was a long day with an early morning for me tomorrow so I could politely decline.

How the fuck do I interpret that?

I mean, I have girl friends who ask me out all the time - for support get me out of my head get me out of my house - we tried the new brew pub (good green chile beer, good rye, crappy maple - spit it out...) and I think nothing of it....am grateful for their love and the opportunity to not cry for a bit and to give my family a break from me......but a guy - and not in a group? That's a date? Yes/No? Seriously what do you guys think?
I am seriously weirded out.
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If you see the *possibility* of entertaining it at some point, just say "I'm flattered, but I'm still mourning the loss of Gravy, maybe some other time?"

If you don't then it's just a "I'm sorry, I still miss Gravy too much, and I don't see myself dating any time in the near future"

The dude really can't respond to either in any negative fashion..
 
Cud

Cud

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Tarrant_sl said:
Just tell him you aren't comfortable doing anything that resembles a date. -shrug-

Phrase it just like that too, he will understand what you mean. That's a good way to reject his idea without really rejecting him in the process.

And what you feel is totally natural given your position I would imagine .
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What he said.
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Mrs G, he might just be offering to be company. If you think it was a date request just say 'not interested in dating' or if unsure ask for clarification.
 
opiate82

opiate82

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Tarrant_sl said:
Just tell him you aren't comfortable doing anything that resembles a date. -shrug-

Phrase it just like that too, he will understand what you mean. That's a good way to reject his idea without really rejecting him in the process.

And what you feel is totally natural given your position I would imagine .
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This is great.

If he comes back with a line about how it wasn't a date at all and just an offer for company you can say something along the lines of "oh yeah, I totally realized that, it's just a hang up I have right now."
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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Tarrant_sl said:
Just tell him you aren't comfortable doing anything that resembles a date. -shrug-

Phrase it just like that too, he will understand what you mean. That's a good way to reject his idea without really rejecting him in the process.

And what you feel is totally natural given your position I would imagine .
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Moonarchia_sl said:
Mrs G, he might just be offering to be company. If you think it was a date request just say 'not interested in dating' or if unsure ask for clarification.
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Both of these are good advice. Thank him for reaching out. Tell him going to dinner would feel like a date, even though you know (true or not) he wasn't asking you on a date, it still doesn't feel right. Invite him to something that involves a group of friends at some point.
 
Palum

Palum

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If he's not already a close friend he's asking you for dinner because he's DTF.
 
Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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You should go on the date and then spend the entire time telling awkwardly personal stories about you and Gravy. See if you can actually make him abandon ship mid-date.
 
Hoss

Hoss

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It's kind of weird if it's a date request. If you wouldn't mind hanging out with this dude non date-like, then get him in on one of the girls nights. That has the added benefit of your girlfriends being able to tell you if he's putting moves on you.
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Tenks_sl said:
I don't think Portland is really as hipster in the sense that most people think of hipster. It seems this entirely uniquely weird place which is stuck in the 90's Seattle universe. Granted they still love their farm to table and all the other typical hipster bullshit but it isn't quite as tight jeans and oversized beanies as say San Francisco.
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Portland was a pretty awesometown/locationwhen I lived there. So much so that I still miss a LOT of aspects to it and quite often considering just packing up and moving back. Lots of outdoorsy shit, great food, neat locations, the ocean, etc. There's just a huge variety in terrain within Oregon (seriously, just about every single terrain type except tropical Rain Forest exists in Oregon).

The problem is, what I imagine used to be a really weird and eccentric, yet still charming charming set of people, quickly got flooded with a shitload of pretentious, ostentatious, snobbish assholes from California. Thepeoplesoured me on the whole thing, despite what an amazing location Portland is and what a great state Oregon is. Which really sucks, because of all the states that align perfectly with pretty much all of my hobbies, political beliefs, nightlife, locations, etc., Oregon usually tops that list.

P.S. To Mrs. G. A dude asking you to asolodinner is most assuredly looking to score in one way or another. Maybe not right out of the gate, but he's not just looking to be "comforting". If he were, there was plenty of time to be that during/shortly after G passing.
 
BrotherWu

BrotherWu

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To go out to dinner or not go out to dinner with the dude, ask yourself one question: WWGS?

What would Gravy say? Gravy would probably say go out as soon as it sounds nice, with no regrets or remorse.
 
T

Tenks

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BrotherWu_sl said:
To go out to dinner or not go out to dinner with the dude, ask yourself one question: WWGS?

What would Gravy say? Gravy would probably say go out as soon as it sounds nice, with no regrets or remorse.
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Even if Gravy would have liked her to move on she isn't ready. She said so. I mean Gravy just passed a few months ago the process takes longer than that.
 
BrotherWu

BrotherWu

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Tenks_sl said:
Even if Gravy would have liked her to move on she isn't ready. She said so. I mean Gravy just passed a few months ago the process takes longer than that.
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Which is why I said "as it sounds nice", meaning as soon as dinner with a man sounds appealing to her.

And, yes, something tells me Gravy might even make joke of it. "Fuck it. Take one for the team and go eat the free steak."
 
Eomer

Eomer

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Checked out Bumble last night. Definitely a lot higher quality women on there, but far far fewer. No matches, though! I'm starting to think that it's pointless being on Tinder/Bumble as a bald/shaved head guy. I think that most women if I met them in person wouldn't give a shit, but when you're just flipping through pictures it's all too easy to just take a pass if a guy doesn't have hair.
 
T

Tenks

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Eomer_sl said:
Checked out Bumble last night. Definitely a lot higher quality women on there, but far far fewer. No matches, though! I'm starting to think that it's pointless being on Tinder/Bumble as a bald/shaved head guy. I think that most women if I met them in person wouldn't give a shit, but when you're just flipping through pictures it's all too easy to just take a pass if a guy doesn't have hair.
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Your profile should read: "I lay pipe for a living and as a hobby"
 
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