Marriage and the Power of Divorce

She's on a military base with little competition for the hundreds of hot men who want to fuck anything that moves. You do the math.

Yeah. I don't know exactly what's going on, but it don't sound good.

If its the same vacation chick I kinda think she just uses sex as a bargaining chip.

You can probably do better than this hot and cold shit. It kinda sounds like she's not even making an effort to really talk to you about it.

Even more than no coochie pics, that part is no bueno.

If your version of intimacy was nekkid pics, and it kinda sounds like it was, then she's pulling away. And that's exactly the wrong time to be doing it.

It kinda sounds like she was trading sex for security. And now she's on base, and doesn't need that security.

She doesn't have to be fucking one of those other schlubs. Just thinking that she could is bad enough.

AIT is worse than college. Everyone is mostly fit, share a genuine connection, and are young with access to alcohol. Fucking is not allowed in various ways and makes it even worse. I have done my share of CQ duties back in the day of letting 5' 3'' "males" wearing hoodies into the their barracks. Unless she is in a hard school with high wash-out and is stressing hardcore, I highly doubt you are over thinking this.

If you think this is bad, wait for deployments/TDY. They don't call it deployment wives or desert queens for nothing. Something happens to service members where it is MUCH MORE accepted to cheat around on TDY/deployments.

I hope the best for you and do not know the situation, but I would be skeptical.

To expand. Tech school / AIT / Deployments/TDYs are where women live out a lot of their fucked up fantasies because

1) its temporary

2) 5s become 10s. 10s become god damn magical unicorns that get whatever the fuck they want.

3) men are stupid and willing to drop that attention and effort they would otherwise ignore to quench that thirst.

My last deployment I was around a passable Navy E4 a good amount of time. They would never forward deploy her because she had girly parts so I relied on her for a lot of backend communication because she lasted through rotations. She literally had saved probably 20 emails she collected over the year from people on base that saw her last name and looked her up in the global. "hey saw you at XX, you looked nice wanted to chat" Enlisted sncos and officers alike. Literal umcj violations. I remember once an air force msgt called her by her first name in joint pt. "Looking good, xxx" wedding ring still on hand. Started laughing my ass off and got whatever the fuck navy version of write ups were from an e6 nearby.

Don't want to paint doom and gloom. Plenty of women with standards, but the environment is caustic and enabling.

Big Phoenix said:

Oh I fully understand that, was in the Marines so every thing you said I saw. When my unit deployed we had a married female E-5 banging half of our detachment.

Knowing all that didnt exactly make me enthusiastic about her joining.

Its not the only thing I consider intimate, but in ldr theres not much more besides that and saying i love you or youre beautiful.

I think it comes from a general lack of emotional maturity. As there have been a few other just wtf disconnects similar to this. Back at the beginning of the year I brought up her moving into my house when she gets back. She said yeah she would like to but that was it. No real questions on how that would go, even when I tried bringing it up with her. Like its no big deal to just do it.

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Well glad you know where that is coming from. Does not sound emotionally invested, and the woman should be slightly more emotionally invested in a relationship(IMO, obviously). Am not saying disconnect, but your skepticism is probably rooted in some level of truth from either outside attention or apathy on her end. Does not mean she is breaking moral ground, but damn...women have the upper hand in relationships and they're reactions normally tell-all because they're so much more conditioned to non-verbal communication. Non-communication or pullback is another way of saying you aren't that important to me, I'm busy with other things. Couple that she is surrounded by thirsty as fuck males, bad combo. I would not do anything rash. You can be upfront and be seen as the needy guy that needs immediate confirmation the second she leaves for work or you could pull your communication and see how long it takes for her to reach out for confirmation. You might get your answer right there honestly. I really do not know you or your girl. I only project what I would consider personally. Take it for a grain of salt.

How old is she? I'm guessing 22. And you're?

This is one of those moments in the movies where the couple pretends it will all work out and it doesn't. If the connection isn't there you might want to move on

Big Phoenix said:

I'll wait until I see her start dressing different or putting on makeup.


Well see where this goes. I brought it up with her earlier and she more or less said its adjusting to the new circumstances.

She did buy me a plane ticket to go out and see her later this month.

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What mos out of curiosity?

Big Phoenix said:

So....

As per my last post in this thread, GF is in the reserves now and currently at her MOS school until probably beginning of December. Seeing as how this is a LDR until then, things are obviously different namely a complete and utter lack of intimacy or sexual interaction between us now.

Before she left we were fairly sexual. Sex was once 1-2 a week usually since we didnt live together but sexting/skype/pictures was an every day and constant thing for us. There literally wasnt a day that went by that something sexual between us happened. Id randomly get pictures from her or she would ask me to send something to her. If I asked her to take a picture of herself I would get 5-6 pictures.

Flash forward to now and there is absolutely none of that anymore, its like that aspect of our relationship never existed at all. No I miss being in bed with you, no I had a dream about this or I cant wait to do xyz etc. no banter or flirting or anything at all. She will kind of respond if I say something to her, but her response seems token. Shes sent 3-4 pictures to me, but that was only after practically begging for them.

Naturally I ask whats going on why the change. She simply says she cant text/talk or be like that because there simply isnt any privacy now. Which is true to an extend, she lives in a small room with 3 other girls. Thing is though privacy has never stopped her before. She never had problems texting sexually or sneaking away to snap a picture before when she was our with her parents, at work etc.

Example of this is this morning. I sent her a text saying I woke up incredibly hard, zero acknowledgement of that text. Last week she was out shopping for clothes. Usually this would mean id get a picture of her in a changing room, nothing. Even after I asked.

So this leads me to being incredibly frustrated sexually, and just in general. Is my frustration justified or am I blowing this out of proportion?

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cut it loose son

So, 11 years in we finally announced to the fam that we're getting married.

Was given two options- big ass wedding a la my sister's, or parents will cut a check for the difference in what they'd pay for a smaller, more intimate event. Going with the second as I don't really have that much wedding hype.

Plan was to go to city hall and just get the legal ceremony out of the way, then do the event afterwards this spring. I was informed that this isn't an option and that both sets of parents and my sister/her husband have every intention of being present of the justice of the peace ceremony.

The problem is thus. A day after we announced this and the proper folks were informed, Maria hit Puerto Rico. His father and his partner are there at the moment. They're doing just fine- their house was up on a height of land, part of a recently-built complex, and sustained minimal structural damage. His dad's a smart guy and filled the gas tanks of every vehicle they had so they could keep the generator going, they're splitting up to hit the markets so they can get double rations. But they're not going to be leaving any time soon. His wife/partner (who, frankly, I have a bad history with) works in insurance. They own another house in the Florida panhandle, but no word yet as to when they'll be getting out. The wife's company sent down a private jet that offloaded supplies and picked up employees who wanted to get out, but I guess she opted to stay behind. Probably had to, given she's mid-level brass.

Thing is, there was a reason for the sudden rush to get legally married. The boy started a new job with the Red Cross recently, but the nice-ass insurance he now gets is not a +1 policy. We have to be married for me to be covered, and I am currently going without health insurance. This is something that could be rectified by me getting on MassHealth but after the fucking rigamarole I went through a few years back trying to get a policy through them, I don't have high hopes of getting covered in a relatively timely manner.

I know it's selfish as hell, but I am very uncomfortable going without insurance. We're now stalled in moving forward because we have to wait for his side of the family to get settled enough to come out here and be here for the event. Am I wrong in thinking they should 'be okay' with only being present at the after ceremony?